What would you do - kiddo and new neighbors*ANOTHER update

I would say if you're comfortable texting them and asking to talk about it, I'd do that. If they don't respond, as far as you're aware, no one is worse off than you are right now. And if there is a problem, you may become aware of it. So many factors could be at play here. It's hard to tell. But I'd say communication is better than just pretending it didn't happen.

My 6 year old was playing well with 5 other boys in the neighborhood and now he doesn't really want to go play with them. I'm hoping that it's just a "kid thing" but I don't know. Like hopechest I'm not sure what to do either. I'm thinking that it's an end of school year thing and this summer things will be good. My kids went to a different district so they're out for summer already and the neighborhood kids aren't out until this friday. My kids are moving to our home schools so they'll be in school with the neighborhood kids.

Good luck OP! I'm hoping it's nothing really.

I would definitely reach out to them. You are neighbors, and it is worth seeing if there is an issue.

Who watched the kids when they were out playing together and where did they play? For that age, I’m assuming someone has to supervise and am wondering if that’s the issue?

That’s definitely weird. Does your kid still want to play with the neighbor kids? I would want to know if my kid said or did something they didn’t approve of, so I would ask even though it would feel really weird to have that conversation. I would probably text though so I wouldn’t have to talk about the situation out loud in front of their kids or mine. Maybe it’s something that can be resolved or maybe not, but you won’t know unless you ask.

We had a house next to us growing up and two sets of families lived there. Both had girls my age and neither kid was allowed to play with me. I had two older brothers, but I wasn't allowed to play there either. To be fair, I never saw other kids go in and out of their house. Sometimes people are just really hung up on things that no one else thinks is normal. I remember one girl had a list of like 25 things she had to do when she got home from school. One thing was 20 jumping jacks. Others were cleaning chores. Her mom was a SAHM (as was mine) so I always thought that was weird that she had to clean so much every day.

I would think that your DS probably did or said something. Heck, my DD lost a playmate because I invited her dd to watch Shrek when #3? came out in the theater. They were in the 3rd grade! It shocked me, as the mom never said anything—she just started making excuses about why her dd couldn’t play. I was a pretty conservative parent and my kids watched very little tv in elementary school. I’m still not sure what is so objectionable.

In another example, a friend of DS’s wasn’t coming over often and I talked to the mom. She didn’t want her DS playing video games when he was over at our house. Ok by me! We had a trampoline, bikes, swing set, sandbox, and woods for them to explore. 20 years later and the “boys” are still best friends.

I say that you have nothing to lose talking to the parents.

I could understand that about having another kid to deal with at the surgery mom’s house, but then why would she not let her kids go to the neighbor’s house or yard to play, especially if the neighbor mom doesn’t mind having the other three kids over? I guess I would want to know why the other parents didn’t want their kids at my house.

As the mom of an only child, I really didn’t mind having other people’s kids at my house when my kid was that age. My kid loved having someone her own age to play with and I liked that I didn’t have to constantly find things for her to do to entertain herself. With another one or two kids for my kid to play with, I could get some of my own stuff done while I just monitored what was going on.

I have a strong feeling that this may have to do with whatever is going on with Mom’s health, or something within the family. My first thought was that she may be immunocompromised and that they are needing to limit exposure, but that’s not the only scenario that might fit. She may be ill, and the surgery wasn’t an isolated medical issue. If that’s the case, I can see how just corralling their own three could be a hardship, and adding another to the mix may not be doable right now.

I can think of plenty of possibilities which are totally unrelated to your kiddo. If it were me, I’d give it some time and see what develops over the summer. I understand your being disappointed for your son, though. I hope they get to play together again soon!

This reminds me of something that happened to us. When DD was in the 4th grade (that's 9 years old) she made a really good friend at school. Friend had a younger sister in 2nd grade at the time so that's 7. Younger kid was a terror. Like throw herself on the ground crying having fits over the slightest thing IN PUBLIC. At age 7. She wasn't on the spectrum or anything, just a brat. 

The problems started when DD would go over their house to hang out. Younger girl always insisted on being included (yes, normal) but neither the two older girls really wanted younger around so they'd indulge her for a while and then want to hang out in older girls room.  Mom wasn't having it, she insisted they always include younger daughter. Younger girl was obsessed with Dahlia and D couldn't take it after a while. We would try to invite her friend to come to our house but her friend would always say her younger sister would have to come too. At first I just told Dahlia to include both but after I while we felt a little bullied about it. At nine and ten these girls are going through puberty and want to talk about boys, they don't want an annoying, terribly misbehaved screaming banshee tagging along. 

The whole thing came to a head when I threw DD her 11th birthday party which was a pool party sleep over for her crew of 6 friends. When mom came to drop off her friend, she assumed we were including younger sis too. I felt so bad but I had to tell her (remind her?) that it was only for the older girls. It was horrible, she made me the bad guy to her younger daughter and after that the friendship was ruined. Mom made big sis feel so guilty about it (how it was her fault I have no idea), that we just never hung out much together after.

And this woman is working on her doctorate in STEM education. Boggles my mind. 

Your latest update reminded me of something. My daughter made a friend in soccer, she had a younger brother my sons age so eventually both families started getting food together after games and hang out. But this girl in fifth grade had the latest IPhone and other expensive toys and gadgets. Eventually my kids started wanting the iPhone and whatever they saw at their friends house and I began to see it as a problem because there was no way in hell I was going to buy an I phone to a fifth grader. When going to the movies we would end up getting the sodas, the various snacks and then pizza after the movie. Going to a sports game included getting the team jersey. It all became a bit excessive to me and I started pulling away. Although the kids were very nice they became a bad influence in mine and just not how I wanted to bring up my children. 

I would do as suggested and take over a plate of cookies or something and come right out and ask if there was an issue you should know about.  Ask why the boys were not allowed to play together anymore.  It is better to ask and find out the truth than to wonder and imagine all sorts of things.

Now I'm telling this story about what happened in my neighborhood when the little boys stopped playing together.  That is not to say that something like this happened in your neighborhood.

My son, along with several other little boys around the same age, used to play out front a great deal.  Then the little boy across the street wanted them all to come play in his bedroom.  My son knew he wasn't to go inside anyone's house without my permission.  He came running home to ask if he could go play inside in Ryan's bedroom.  I was just about to call him inside because dinner was ready.  We ate dinner and carried on with the rest of our night and never gave Ryan's house another thought.

Over the next few days, none of the kids were playing outside like they usually did.  Then it was a Friday and my son went to his father's for the weekend. I noticed over the weekend that there were no kids playing outside again.  I was out for several hours doing the yard work and I didn't see anyone, which was highly unusual in our neighborhood.  One of my neighbors once did an informal count and said we had 72 kids on our street and the street behind it.  You would think with that many there would be a few playing outside at least.

On Monday when my son came home from school, he said that none of the kids were allowed to play with Ryan anymore but he didn't know why.  I wondered if the boys got too rowdy and broke something when they were over there.  I was silently glad my son wasn't there to be a part of whatever went on.  When I saw one of the boy's mother coming to get her mail at our communal mailbox, I went out to ask her what happened at Ryan's house. I knew that two of her boys were over there. 

Apparently Ryan's uncle was visiting from Korea.  Turns out that this uncle was a pedophile.  He talked the boys into playing some game where they each went into the closet with him for a few minutes.  Apparently Ryan did this with this uncle frequently when he visited.  One of the older boys figured out what was happening inside that closet when he saw a boy fixing his pants when he came out.  He took his brother home.  He went straight to his mother.  Mom asked the younger boy what happened in the closet.  Sure enough, the uncle was molesting the boys.

This mother went straight to Ryan's parents with this information and also shared the news with the parents of the other boys that were there that day. Ryan's parent's freaked out and confronted the husband's brother.  This brother was quite a bit younger than the father.  The father was grown and out of the house before this kid was born so he really didn't know him at all.  The younger brother admitted that they were playing a sex game and said that it was no big deal, that lots of boys in Korea play it.  They discovered he had been playing these games with their own son as well.  I guess they had the brother on a plane bound for Korea the next day and I never saw him visiting again.

I felt really bad for poor Ryan.  He didn't know what was happening was so wrong.  And none of the other little boys were allowed to play with him anymore.  My son liked him and I found Ryan to be a very nice little boy.  I told my son he was allowed to play with Ryan outside or invite him to our house, but he wasn't to go inside Ryan's house.  My son was fine with that.  And seeing my son playing with Ryan, the other little boys eventually came to play with him too.  I had had a brief discussion about what happened at Ryan's house with my son.  He knew about "bad touch" for years before this happened at Ryan's.  I just asked him to let me know if the other boys were teasing Ryan at all.  He said he never heard anything.

People are weird. Parents got weirder when my oldest was in middle school. Most of the time it literally has nothing to do with you or your child

I will say that neighborhood friends are a bit overrated. We moved into a neighborhood with a lot of kids a few years ago. We were thrilled that our kids would have someone else to play with as our old neighborhood had none. Over the years it is been extremely stressful navigating the drama and changing relationships between all the kids and the parents. We are moving shortly and will not be looking back.