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Post by bc2ca on Jul 29, 2022 22:10:41 GMT
As the year progressed, it became more obvious that it was more ADD or ADHD than speech issues. Just wanted to chime in and and say, as the parent of a child with an Auditory Processing Disorder (requiring SLP intervention) and ADHD(Inattentive Type), the two can be linked and often one is missed until the child doesn't respond to therapy. A stranger is just someone he hasn't spoken to yet. My then 5 year old niece very solemnly asked me once if I'd ever met a stranger. It was after a "stranger danger" type presentation and she was glad she'd never met a stranger. Back to the neighbors. I am LOLing at the idea you need to pretend to not see/hear them when in your back yard but be "pleasant and nice" when in the front. I do like the idea of setting up some sort of camera to get an idea of what sort of interactions/activities are happening across the fence right now. Know your HOA responsibilities and rules. Some are super strict and would fine both owners for an unauthorized topper on the fence. We received a violation letter after moving into a rental about a bed mattress leaning against the house (in the backyard, behind the fence but visible from the sidewalk). It was only there for a day when the previous tenants were leaving and I was happy to pass the letter onto the landlord. I'd document the fence topper and the neighbor's reaction to the offer to make something nicer so you don't get caught up in something with the HOA.
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Post by playingcinderella on Jul 30, 2022 16:19:32 GMT
While my neighbor problems were nothing compared to yours, reading your saga has reminded me why I moved out of an HOA and onto a couple of acres in the middle of nowhere.
I would certainly limit my interactions and would not be friendly on demand. I also wouldn't hesitate to inform the HOA - someone is going to report the ugly fence, so you might as well get on the front end so they know you aren't to blame.
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pantsonfire
Drama Llama
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 5,980
Jun 19, 2022 16:48:04 GMT
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Post by pantsonfire on Jul 30, 2022 16:37:38 GMT
Oh, teeheeheehee that chick is nucking futs. F'reals. Call the HOA and report the fence. Tell your kid to pretend there's a huge brick wall and don't engage with the neighbors, even if they're in their "social area". Then, find some other things for your precious pumpkin to do. I'm amazed that at the tender age of 5, you've got so many professionals involved with him . . . dunno what to make of that, but it's neither here nor there. Your neighbors are being unreasonable, and you don't need to give them any leeway at all. Report to HOA and be done with it. Put 'em on ignore. At age 16m ds had 4 in home therapists (early childhood school teacher, SLP for early communication with sign language PT, and OT) and then had private therapy - OT, PT, SLP. Then later at age 4 we added in DIR Floortime and Play therapy. Early intervention is key for any child with any disability be it Autism, ADD/ADHD, physical disability, speech and communication disabilities, etc. Some families also do 30-60 hours of ABA on top of all other therapies. There is nothing to make of it other than she is being an awesome parents who is doing her damn best to make sure her child has the right set up to be an awesome adult when they are older and has access to anything needed to help in their journey of life.
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Post by questioning on Jul 31, 2022 17:26:21 GMT
I thought more about this after my post. I am not a confrontational person but I do like to dream of what I would like to do. With the Ring cameras you can turn on a siren within the app. Every single time one of her kids crossed that fence I would sound the siren. Hell, I would do it once they crossed the property line in the front yard too. Brilliant, you made me laugh.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 19:19:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2022 17:58:08 GMT
Oh, teeheeheehee that chick is nucking futs. F'reals. Call the HOA and report the fence. Tell your kid to pretend there's a huge brick wall and don't engage with the neighbors, even if they're in their "social area". Then, find some other things for your precious pumpkin to do. I'm amazed that at the tender age of 5, you've got so many professionals involved with him . . . dunno what to make of that, but it's neither here nor there. Your neighbors are being unreasonable, and you don't need to give them any leeway at all. Report to HOA and be done with it. Put 'em on ignore. At age 16m ds had 4 in home therapists (early childhood school teacher, SLP for early communication with sign language PT, and OT) and then had private therapy - OT, PT, SLP. Then later at age 4 we added in DIR Floortime and Play therapy. Early intervention is key for any child with any disability be it Autism, ADD/ADHD, physical disability, speech and communication disabilities, etc. S ome families also do 30-60 hours of ABA on top of all other therapies. There is nothing to make of it other than she is being an awesome parents who is doing her damn best to make sure her child has the right set up to be an awesome adult when they are older and has access to anything needed to help in their journey of life. We are one of those families. I KNEW early on that DD had learning disabilities. She was about 5. We just do not have the access to good doctors and therapists that you would in the States. We really had to FIGHT to put a good team together for her. And we had to weed through A LOT! At one point, she had 4 or 5 people. A motor skills therapist, a speech therapist, a neuro-pyschologist and two tutors that specialized in French and Arabic. It's been a hard few years, but DD has made AMAZING progress in reading and writing and just so many areas. SO..... kibblesandbits .... make of THAT what you will. Some parents just want to do everything they can to help a difficult situation. Doesn't mean something is "wrong" with their kid. By the way hopechest , just throwing this out. Have you tried any kind of animal therapy for your DS? On top of DD's learning disabilities, she developed anxiety and low self-confidence. She wanted to try horse riding and it's like the moment she got on a horse...she soared like a ROCKET! She even does shows now. Horse riding has done for her what doctors and therapist couldn't with her self-confidence. It has been amazing. Just wanted to offer that up. Good luck!
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Post by lucyg on Jul 31, 2022 19:50:56 GMT
Oh, teeheeheehee that chick is nucking futs. F'reals. Call the HOA and report the fence. Tell your kid to pretend there's a huge brick wall and don't engage with the neighbors, even if they're in their "social area". Then, find some other things for your precious pumpkin to do. I'm amazed that at the tender age of 5, you've got so many professionals involved with him . . . dunno what to make of that, but it's neither here nor there. Your neighbors are being unreasonable, and you don't need to give them any leeway at all. Report to HOA and be done with it. Put 'em on ignore. My kiddo was in kinder this year. He has had an IEP for speech since he was 3 or so. We've had him in both private and school speech therapy for a couple of years. As the year progressed, it became more obvious that it was more ADD or ADHD than speech issues. He just would't sit still and focus. Always distracted. For a 5 year old boy, that is not unusual, so we waited out until the end of the year to see if it was more of a maturity thing. At the end of the year, we spoke to his kinder teacher and IEP teachers and all came to agreement he probably had ADD. Since we were in the summer, we went back to our old speech therapy place and have been working on some ADD/ADHD coaching. No formal diagnosis, just looking for some tools to help him as well as us to parent him better. We had his kinder teacher fill out a form from the ped and in august during his physical we're going to talk about some eval for formal diagnosis. More so we can get it added to an IEP or 504 if that is needed. So, yes we have a lot of professionals involved, but he's not a kiddo with severe issues. We're just pretty pro-active in mostly getting some understanding in order to parent better. My DH has ADD and of course was never diagnosed/treated since they didn't do that back in the "olden days"...he struggled in school and we're just trying to get the kid a leg up. You do NOT owe her any kind of an explanation. She has some kind of need to reinforce her “superiority” to the peas, and frequently makes BS statements like this. Ignore.
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
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Post by kibblesandbits on Jul 31, 2022 20:03:05 GMT
At age 16m ds had 4 in home therapists (early childhood school teacher, SLP for early communication with sign language PT, and OT) and then had private therapy - OT, PT, SLP. Then later at age 4 we added in DIR Floortime and Play therapy. Early intervention is key for any child with any disability be it Autism, ADD/ADHD, physical disability, speech and communication disabilities, etc. S ome families also do 30-60 hours of ABA on top of all other therapies. There is nothing to make of it other than she is being an awesome parents who is doing her damn best to make sure her child has the right set up to be an awesome adult when they are older and has access to anything needed to help in their journey of life. We are one of those families. I KNEW early on that DD had learning disabilities. She was about 5. We just do not have the access to good doctors and therapists that you would in the States. We really had to FIGHT to put a good team together for her. And we had to weed through A LOT! At one point, she had 4 or 5 people. A motor skills therapist, a speech therapist, a neuro-pyschologist and two tutors that specialized in French and Arabic. It's been a hard few years, but DD has made AMAZING progress in reading and writing and just so many areas. SO..... kibblesandbits .... make of THAT what you will. Some parents just want to do everything they can to help a difficult situation. Doesn't mean something is "wrong" with their kid. By the way hopechest , just throwing this out. Have you tried any kind of animal therapy for your DS? On top of DD's learning disabilities, she developed anxiety and low self-confidence. She wanted to try horse riding and it's like the moment she got on a horse...she soared like a ROCKET! She even does shows now. Horse riding has done for her what doctors and therapist couldn't with her self-confidence. It has been amazing. Just wanted to offer that up. Good luck! I said it didn’t matter either way. Not sure what the issue is. Hee original description was one of behavior issues, then the next about reading. As always, the full story makes everything different.
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
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Post by kibblesandbits on Jul 31, 2022 20:03:43 GMT
My kiddo was in kinder this year. He has had an IEP for speech since he was 3 or so. We've had him in both private and school speech therapy for a couple of years. As the year progressed, it became more obvious that it was more ADD or ADHD than speech issues. He just would't sit still and focus. Always distracted. For a 5 year old boy, that is not unusual, so we waited out until the end of the year to see if it was more of a maturity thing. At the end of the year, we spoke to his kinder teacher and IEP teachers and all came to agreement he probably had ADD. Since we were in the summer, we went back to our old speech therapy place and have been working on some ADD/ADHD coaching. No formal diagnosis, just looking for some tools to help him as well as us to parent him better. We had his kinder teacher fill out a form from the ped and in august during his physical we're going to talk about some eval for formal diagnosis. More so we can get it added to an IEP or 504 if that is needed. So, yes we have a lot of professionals involved, but he's not a kiddo with severe issues. We're just pretty pro-active in mostly getting some understanding in order to parent better. My DH has ADD and of course was never diagnosed/treated since they didn't do that back in the "olden days"...he struggled in school and we're just trying to get the kid a leg up. You do NOT owe her any kind of an explanation. She has some kind of need to reinforce her “superiority” to the peas, and frequently makes BS statements like this. Ignore. No one owes me an explanation. Feel free to ignore me, Lucy
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 19:19:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2022 20:10:01 GMT
I said it didn’t matter either way. Not sure what the issue is. Hee original description was one of behavior issues, then the next about reading. As always, the full story makes everything different. The issue is your snide comments trying to shame a parent over their kid's potential disabilities. If you don't know the "full story" then why make snide comments. I almost always scroll on by most posts that I think are ridiculous BUT your post REALLY hit a nerve with me. I know what it is like for people to make "ASS-umptions" about my child and her problems and what I am doing or not doing to help her. I mean...REALLY!
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Post by melanell on Jul 31, 2022 20:29:44 GMT
As far as I'm concerned, they've put you in a position where you have to go to the HOA, because you have to go and find out the exact rules/regulations for the new fence you need to put up between your yard and theirs.
And yeah, my family would be ignoring them ALL of the time, no matter if she didn't like it or not.
I agree with getting cameras, and I'd look into your town's noise ordinances, so you can have them handy in case she decides that your kid playing in his own darn yard in the middle of the day is somehow an issue for her in the future.
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Post by wordfish on Jul 31, 2022 21:54:41 GMT
I think I would put up a fence on my property and if it is allowed to be 8 feet high, I would do that. I would put it inside my property right near the existing fence so that if they are touching it, they are on my property, and I would leave enough space between the fences to be able to do routine maintenance. I would also make sure my kid couldn't get back there to mess with anyone, just in case. There's no way I would engage with them again over the fence, and there is no way I would allow the situation to stay as it currently is.
In fact, I have literally done this with a problem neighbor in the past. It solved that part of the problem.
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Post by imkat on Jul 31, 2022 22:40:49 GMT
This little boy has to go to school with the three neighbor boys. The OP needs to tread lightly so that the neighbor boys do not ostracize her boy at school with the other children.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,947
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Aug 2, 2022 17:11:14 GMT
Yeah, my guy is a stinker for sure. He's ADHD and a dopamine chaser, so thrills and boundary pushing are his favorite pastimes. The fence isn't terribly high, maybe 4 feet, so he can scale it no problem. Honestly, it could have been twice as high and he still would have climbed it. The going into the yard is a new boundary, so that is a learning experience. He did apologize for being rude. He knows better than that. At 5 turning 6, we're experiencing a whole new level of fixation and doing whatever you want, so it's time to adjust the parenting. At the end of the day, the kid has the sweetest heart on the planet. It's always the fine line of making sure his behavior is appropriate and not crushing his spark. Always the adventure!! Do you supervise or keep an eye on what is going on when your son is outside. You may think that he has the sweetest heart on the planet, but not everyone will think the same. A child should not be allowed to do whatever they want to do. There should be firm boundaries put in place and enforced, gently. Glad that you are not my neighbour. Wow!
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 2, 2022 17:42:24 GMT
My kiddo was in kinder this year. He has had an IEP for speech since he was 3 or so. We've had him in both private and school speech therapy for a couple of years. As the year progressed, it became more obvious that it was more ADD or ADHD than speech issues. He just would't sit still and focus. Always distracted. For a 5 year old boy, that is not unusual, so we waited out until the end of the year to see if it was more of a maturity thing. At the end of the year, we spoke to his kinder teacher and IEP teachers and all came to agreement he probably had ADD. Since we were in the summer, we went back to our old speech therapy place and have been working on some ADD/ADHD coaching. No formal diagnosis, just looking for some tools to help him as well as us to parent him better. We had his kinder teacher fill out a form from the ped and in august during his physical we're going to talk about some eval for formal diagnosis. More so we can get it added to an IEP or 504 if that is needed. So, yes we have a lot of professionals involved, but he's not a kiddo with severe issues. We're just pretty pro-active in mostly getting some understanding in order to parent better. My DH has ADD and of course was never diagnosed/treated since they didn't do that back in the "olden days"...he struggled in school and we're just trying to get the kid a leg up. The professionals you have involved are nothing that.would make anyone who works with kids his age bat an eye. In fact you sound like a parent all teachers would like to have. You acknowledge there are issues and you are getting the appropriate assistance. Just as if he had a problem with his eyesight or hearing or physical issue. As a pre-K teacher, I wish we had more parents that would acknowledge there were benefits to things like OT, PT and the like. The earlier things are dealt with the better off the kids will be. As to your neighbor issue, the woman sounds like a nutter and I would absolutely contact the HOA along with documenting her threats. I think the idea of getting cameras it just record your backyard is a very good idea as well. I worked with mostly ten year-olds and their parents would tell me the best stories of how some of them behaved at this age. The first year or two of school for a lot of kids, especially boys, can be quite challenging. Not saying ten-year olds didn't have their own challenges, but it was different. This year I worked with K-3 and my kinders were the WORST behaved kids I have ever worked with. There was a lot of growth though, and I could see some of them just finally get how socializing worked in large groups. I would definitely contact the HOA and not let that woman tell me how to behave in the front yard vs back yard. She probably sees it as compromising, but that isn't a stable woman I'd want my kid exposed to regardless. As I said before, I was raised in a home with two sets of neighbors that policed their daughters like crazy and I would not have been a good fit for their kids a playmates anyway now when I look back at it.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Aug 2, 2022 18:21:36 GMT
Your neighbor has made it clear that she's difficult, combative and rigid. I doubt this will be the end of anything.
I think your best bet is to keep the kids apart as non-confrontationally as possible and have zero to do with the adults.
This woman sounds awful and unreasonable.
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maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,791
Member is Online
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Aug 2, 2022 18:37:16 GMT
OP, I'm so sorry this has turned out so awful. I just wanted to make sure that although I don't know where you live, pretty much no state will allow a neighbor to press juvenile charges against a five year old. What a witch to even suggest that empty threat.
I guess your easiest option is to completely ignore them, and still report their nasty "fence" to the HOA. Perhaps a fence of your own is in order.
BTW Your son sounds like a fun kid!
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