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Post by Bridget in MD on Jun 22, 2022 19:39:19 GMT
I'm sure you were all on pins and needles. LOL We had a chat with the parents. Long story short, it was a couple of things. Apparently my darling angel child has been jumping the fence and just coming over into their yard whenever the mood strikes. Knocking on the door and being a general shit. The mom told him that he couldn't do that and he stuck his tongue out and yelled at her that she was mean. Also, she has been recovering from surgery and just overwhelmed in general with her own 3 kids. Adding mine in the mix is too much. Understandably. We'll try to have the kids over to our house instead, as then we can supervise our kid better. All in all, good ending. PS - we explained to our kid that "you can't just go into anyone's yard. you have to ask"...his response was a genuinely confused, "why?". Like, who wouldn't want me to come over. I'm adorable!! Well sheesh! I am glad she let you know!!!!! I would have been mortified!
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Post by prapea on Jun 22, 2022 19:56:57 GMT
Will your kid be apologizing to the other mom for his behavior?
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Post by littlemama on Jun 22, 2022 20:02:50 GMT
He should apologize to the mom. At 5, he is old enough to apologize for his behavior.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jun 22, 2022 20:04:10 GMT
Hopefully your DS apologizes, and soon. Your DS should not be rewarded with the other kids coming over right away... Ask the other mother for suggestions.
A week to a kid is a long time, go from there.
Also an apology note would be a great learning experience. One or two lines would do.
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,062
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Jun 22, 2022 20:18:29 GMT
Okay I am at your update. I'm glad its all worked out, and you'll have a story to tell about his bratty antics when he's older. and thanks for the honest update!
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Post by workingclassdog on Jun 22, 2022 20:21:46 GMT
Man, that's a tough one. I'd wonder if my kid had done/said something wrong and I'd want to know. I think I'd wait a couple of more weeks to see if things don't lighten up on their own and then I might try inviting them over for a play date with "I hoping the boys aren't on restriction anymore and can come play". If they give you another lame excuse then I figure I'd have nothing to lose and come right out and ask. as always great advice!
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Post by workingclassdog on Jun 22, 2022 20:28:25 GMT
Just read the update.. what a little turd.. haha.. I hope it all works out now.
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Post by Lexica on Jun 22, 2022 20:36:00 GMT
Well, at least you know and can correct your son’s behavior. I admit this gave me a good laugh. Boys. Ya gotta love ‘em. I’m with the peas that say he needs to apologize, mainly for the sticking out of the tongue and saying she was mean. The climbing over the fence thing, how would he know that was wrong if he never experienced any boundaries like that before. I would approach that one with two explanations - one, that when people are in their back yard, you need to wait until you are invited over. And two, he needs to check in with you before going over to anyone’s house so that you know where he is at all times. Especially if you think he is safely playing in your own back yard and he has hopped the fence to go somewhere else. But at 5, he knows you don’t stick your tongue out at an adult. He just didn’t expect to get in trouble for it. 😂🙄. Let him know that that is the thing that cost him. Manners matter.
I’m really happy that the mom told you so that you can teach your boy the right way to handle things.
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Post by questioning on Jun 22, 2022 20:51:55 GMT
So glad you were able to talk to the neighbors and receive what they said. You just lucked into a great asset for a neighbor and hopefully future friend.
Having the mom village helps!
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 22, 2022 20:59:11 GMT
That’s a great update. I hope this is the beginning of a lifelong friendship.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jun 22, 2022 21:03:39 GMT
Oh wait..... hopechest was your DS watching Prince Louis at the Queen's Jubilee?
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Post by librarylady on Jun 22, 2022 21:43:48 GMT
I am glad the parents were willing to tell you what had happened.
I also hope you make your son go apologize. I'd probably not let son play for a few days just to impress upon your son that his actions were not what to do.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jun 22, 2022 22:19:23 GMT
Well, at least you know and can correct your son’s behavior. I admit this gave me a good laugh. Boys. Ya gotta love ‘em. I’m with the peas that say he needs to apologize, mainly for the sticking out of the tongue and saying she was mean. The climbing over the fence thing, how would he know that was wrong if he never experienced any boundaries like that before. I would approach that one with two explanations - one, that when people are in their back yard, you need to wait until you are invited over. And two, he needs to check in with you before going over to anyone’s house so that you know where he is at all times. Especially if you think he is safely playing in your own back yard and he has hopped the fence to go somewhere else. But at 5, he knows you don’t stick your tongue out at an adult. He just didn’t expect to get in trouble for it. 😂🙄. Let him know that that is the thing that cost him. Manners matter. I’m really happy that the mom told you so that you can teach your boy the right way to handle things. I hear you - but love that when my kids were growing up we had an open yard policy. It helps that we're in a semi-rural community of about 20 houses - but it was a lot of just wandering around the neighborhood to see who was around and joining in. The little girl next door practically lived in our yard the first couple years they moved in as we had a fun swing set and her parents didn't buy one for a while - the split rail between houses didn't slow her down at all lol. I never minded and they spent enough time at her house in later years when her parents allowed a game system years before we did. More than a bit of nostalgia here as that core group of kids are all grown up now and off at different universities - I miss the days of half a dozen neighborhood kids tromping in searching for popsicles. It's sad that play dates and invitations has become even more the norm.
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Post by Lexica on Jun 22, 2022 23:22:12 GMT
Well, at least you know and can correct your son’s behavior. I admit this gave me a good laugh. Boys. Ya gotta love ‘em. I’m with the peas that say he needs to apologize, mainly for the sticking out of the tongue and saying she was mean. The climbing over the fence thing, how would he know that was wrong if he never experienced any boundaries like that before. I would approach that one with two explanations - one, that when people are in their back yard, you need to wait until you are invited over. And two, he needs to check in with you before going over to anyone’s house so that you know where he is at all times. Especially if you think he is safely playing in your own back yard and he has hopped the fence to go somewhere else. But at 5, he knows you don’t stick your tongue out at an adult. He just didn’t expect to get in trouble for it. 😂🙄. Let him know that that is the thing that cost him. Manners matter. I’m really happy that the mom told you so that you can teach your boy the right way to handle things. I hear you - but love that when my kids were growing up we had an open yard policy. It helps that we're in a semi-rural community of about 20 houses - but it was a lot of just wandering around the neighborhood to see who was around and joining in. The little girl next door practically lived in our yard the first couple years they moved in as we had a fun swing set and her parents didn't buy one for a while - the split rail between houses didn't slow her down at all lol. I never minded and they spent enough time at her house in later years when her parents allowed a game system years before we did. More than a bit of nostalgia here as that core group of kids are all grown up now and off at different universities - I miss the days of half a dozen neighborhood kids tromping in searching for popsicles. It's sad that play dates and invitations has become even more the norm. Yeah, I hear you. I grew up the same way. We all hung out together and played kick the can and hide and go seek until the streetlights came on. Then every kid took off running for home because that was the universal signal that it was dinner time. There was a freedom and innocence back then. My mom’s rule was that we couldn’t go off of our street without telling her. She was a single mom and wanted to be able to walk out front and see where we were. And back then, all the kids knew each other and someone would go get me if Mom needed me for something. When my son came along, he could play out front anywhere he wanted, but wasn’t to go into someone’s house without letting me know. My son and I were in a city with a very busy street behind us. I didn’t want him back there or in a house where I might not know the family. And I don’t know if people got more terrible or we just hear about it now, but we never knew of any kidnapping or abuse when I was a little girl. We felt safe on our street.
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Post by MichyM on Jun 22, 2022 23:29:54 GMT
Yay, so glad that you have answers AND a resolution. And I'm sure your son is happy to have the nextdoor neighbor kids to play with again! Win, win, and win.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 23, 2022 0:39:16 GMT
I’m so happy you were able to get to the bottom of it and that your kid will still be able to eventually play with his neighbor friends again.
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Post by Merge on Jun 23, 2022 0:54:12 GMT
Oh my. LOL. I can just envision the type of fearless little kid who would do that. He's one of my favorite types in class. Glad you got it worked out and you have this opportunity to impart some understanding of social norms and expectations. Keep at it, mom!
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 23, 2022 0:58:46 GMT
Oh my. LOL. I can just envision the type of fearless little kid who would do that. He's one of my favorite types in class. Glad you got it worked out and you have this opportunity to impart some understanding of social norms and expectations. Keep at it, mom! Right? My son and his new best friend called the police at his house when they were both around 4. The police came and my husband walked over to see what was going on. The grandpa talked to both kids after it happened and told Bob not to worry about it and that boys do dumb stuff. Those boys ended up being great friends for years. Nice to have a grandpa that just handled things so well. It could have gone a totally different way.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,795
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Jun 23, 2022 1:49:57 GMT
Growing up our closest neighbor at the end of our 1/4 Mike ling drive were family friends. My dad and theirs were friends since childhood. Pretty much an open door policy between the 2 homes.
My little brother took it to the extreme. Mrs K would always say she knew when he was in house because of the rattle if the cookie chair which he could barely reach but did. Often.
This reminded me of that. Both make me chuckle. Thanks for that.
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Post by christine58 on Jun 23, 2022 10:08:46 GMT
I'm sure you were all on pins and needles. LOL We had a chat with the parents. Long story short, it was a couple of things. Apparently my darling angel child has been jumping the fence and just coming over into their yard whenever the mood strikes. Knocking on the door and being a general shit. The mom told him that he couldn't do that and he stuck his tongue out and yelled at her that she was mean. Also, she has been recovering from surgery and just overwhelmed in general with her own 3 kids. Adding mine in the mix is too much. Understandably. We'll try to have the kids over to our house instead, as then we can supervise our kid better. All in all, good ending. PS - we explained to our kid that "you can't just go into anyone's yard. you have to ask"...his response was a genuinely confused, "why?". Like, who wouldn't want me to come over. I'm adorable!! I hope you had him apologize.
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nursema
Full Member
Posts: 352
Mar 1, 2022 10:14:32 GMT
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Post by nursema on Jun 23, 2022 10:45:47 GMT
I’m glad you know now and can use this opportunity to teach him some things that many 5 year olds wouldn’t otherwise know! I remember how tricky it was to convey to young kids that even if THEY wanted to go over to their friends houses to play, it was good manners to wait until they were INVITED over. Instead, they could invite the friend over to our house at that time. In most neighborhood situations, that will just start the rhythm of going back and forth between houses, anyway - because kids will be kids and each side of the equation wants to have time away from their parents!
The bigger concept of that lesson was that it planted the seed (or reinforced, if it’s not a first) of the “It’s not just about me” train of thought and taking into account the wants and needs of others in addition to their own. I’d be seizing this opportunity for a little dialogue about that.
I do have one question, though…how tall is their fence?! 😂
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Post by hopechest on Jun 23, 2022 18:21:00 GMT
Yeah, my guy is a stinker for sure. He's ADHD and a dopamine chaser, so thrills and boundary pushing are his favorite pastimes. The fence isn't terribly high, maybe 4 feet, so he can scale it no problem. Honestly, it could have been twice as high and he still would have climbed it. The going into the yard is a new boundary, so that is a learning experience. He did apologize for being rude. He knows better than that. At 5 turning 6, we're experiencing a whole new level of fixation and doing whatever you want, so it's time to adjust the parenting. At the end of the day, the kid has the sweetest heart on the planet. It's always the fine line of making sure his behavior is appropriate and not crushing his spark. Always the adventure!!
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Post by essiejean on Jun 23, 2022 20:23:25 GMT
Yeah, my guy is a stinker for sure. He's ADHD and a dopamine chaser, so thrills and boundary pushing are his favorite pastimes. The fence isn't terribly high, maybe 4 feet, so he can scale it no problem. Honestly, it could have been twice as high and he still would have climbed it. The going into the yard is a new boundary, so that is a learning experience. He did apologize for being rude. He knows better than that. At 5 turning 6, we're experiencing a whole new level of fixation and doing whatever you want, so it's time to adjust the parenting. At the end of the day, the kid has the sweetest heart on the planet. It's always the fine line of making sure his behavior is appropriate and not crushing his spark. Always the adventure!! oh my you are describing my DGS to a tee! His older brother is totally opposite. Although he is an adventurer and fearless as well he doesn't have the same social boundaries as the youngest. That is to say the youngest has no boundaries at all My DD is constantly having discussions about what is appropriate with that young one.
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nursema
Full Member
Posts: 352
Mar 1, 2022 10:14:32 GMT
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Post by nursema on Jun 23, 2022 21:01:42 GMT
Yeah, my guy is a stinker for sure. He's ADHD and a dopamine chaser, so thrills and boundary pushing are his favorite pastimes. The fence isn't terribly high, maybe 4 feet, so he can scale it no problem. Honestly, it could have been twice as high and he still would have climbed it. The going into the yard is a new boundary, so that is a learning experience. He did apologize for being rude. He knows better than that. At 5 turning 6, we're experiencing a whole new level of fixation and doing whatever you want, so it's time to adjust the parenting. At the end of the day, the kid has the sweetest heart on the planet. It's always the fine line of making sure his behavior is appropriate and not crushing his spark. Always the adventure!! I’m impressed with his athleticism! (And his determination, since you said he could’ve scaled it if it were double that in height! 😂) You said it best - always the adventure! Parenting is certainly not for the faint of heart. Good job, Mama. He sounds like a very happy 5 year old and a great kid, at that. Here’s to the latest additions to his tool belt of life lessons! P.S. - they’re all stinkers! 😉
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Post by hopechest on Jul 28, 2022 20:44:27 GMT
ANOTHER UPDATE:
Well -- thought we had the situation under control, but guess not.
It's been about a month since our talk. We saw the crew out on the 4th of July. I tried to chat with the mom for a bit, neighbor friendly like, but she was in a mood, so I just went on and enjoyed the night with the kiddos. Everyone had some poppers and sparklers, all good fun. They were heading out camping, so I had asked if she was "all packed up" "excited for the trip". blah blah....and she snapped that it was all such a hassle, she ended up just yelling at everyone and she didn't enjoy it. Oookkaaayyy...moving on.
Then there were several weeks of just life. We didn't see much of them, but whatevs.
This last week, we noticed that one day they had nailed an extension onto our shared fence. Ugly wood and chicken wire to make it a few feet higher. We are in a nice neighborhood with a HOA. Definitely would not fly. We were in the backyard, and the next door boys told my kiddo "we had to put up a fence to keep you out!!" My kiddo was crying, saying he didn't go in the backyard anymore. The kids weren't mean about it or anything, just repeating what they heard - obviously. Still hurt my kids feelings. I mean how do you explain to a kid why someone built a FENCE to keep them out.
My DH saw the dad in the back yard and just asked, like what the heck? Has our kid been in the yard again? I though we resolved this?? This is a shared fence, you can't just nail some shit up without talking to us. The dad was like, whatever -- talk to my wife. She wants this. A few minutes later my DH gets a text from the mom basically saying, "don't go through my husband, you have a problem come talk to me". My DH was on his way out of town, and responded that now wasn't a good time, they were leaving for camping trip anyway and we would talk later.
Weekend passed, they came back. The next day they added a TARP to the ugly fence.
The mom texted and asked if we could talk last night. We were just getting our kid to bed, had an extra dog over and just general mayhem was breaking loose. My DH texted back, can't right now - lots of things going on at the house, how about tomorrow? She texted back that she was going to be busy for the next several days but if we needed any help, let her know. 45 minutes later since he hadn't responded she texted back that "due to your non response, i assume you are fine with the fence. If it gets taken down I will have you charged with trespassing.
what the actual fuck?? That sure escalated quickly.
First, so I have to drop whatever I'm doing to hear why they think adding this shitty eyesore "fence" is acceptable? If I don't you're going to call the cops? You think a tarp is going to stop your kids or my kids from yelling to each other when they can clearly hear each other in the back yard? I'm NOT going to shush my kid, or shuffle him into the house every time I hear your kids in the back. GAH. They all will go to the same school, they live next door. It's not like we won't see them EVERY dang day!!
So now I guess we are all talking again tonight. As much as I want to rumble in the 'sac, we're going to do our best to de-escalate the situation. My DH is going to suggest that he and the dad (both are handy) just take a couple days and they can bang out a section of 8" actual fence together. Split the cost of the materials. That way they can have their privacy or whatever and we don't have to look at a fucking tarp. I will however be mentally stabbing her with a sharp stick.
It just makes me sad really. When we first moved in, everything was awesome. I'm not sure how we went from discussing cutting a hole in the fence so they can go back and forth freely to a fucking tarp in 6 months. That is more than my kid in the back yard a couple of times. There's more to the story over there.
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Post by Mel on Jul 28, 2022 21:05:20 GMT
Wow!! I just read this whole thread... I agree... that escalated VERY quickly!!
I'd make a call to the HOA, anonymously and just act like you're another neighbor who thinks it's an eyesore... lol
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,899
Jun 26, 2014 22:49:09 GMT
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Post by tracylynn on Jul 28, 2022 21:05:38 GMT
That is shitty. Some people are weird. I sometimes get dragged into bad neighbor Tik Tok and am amazed at what some people have to deal with. I'm very lucky. Your story would be fascinating on TT. LOL
I would just be as cordial as possible. But if she refuses to come to an agreement and take down the eyesore, I would go to the HOA. I know people hate them, but they are there for reasons like this.
Good luck! Hopefully you can come to that agreement, then just steer clear. I would reassure your son this has nothing to do with him, but their family. Whether him coming over without asking precipitated it, it sounds like you fixed that problem as soon as you knew about it. She's just cranky.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 28, 2022 21:09:29 GMT
Umm - bizarro - you obviously need to have a conversation as I can't comprehend why anyone would want to create an eyesore for no reason, so maybe something is going on that you're not aware of - if not they're wackadoodles - goodluck.
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Post by iteach3rdgrade on Jul 28, 2022 21:29:27 GMT
I wonder if it happened to the neighbors before you. It seems crazy over there.
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,702
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Jul 28, 2022 21:57:08 GMT
You might want to get a restraining order. She's unbalanced.
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