Update 6/27 - My office saga/I'm filing the complaint

Good morning. Sorry I did not update last night. My meeting ran from 2-4:30 pm (it was supposed to end at 3) and then I needed to get over to my mom's for family dinner last night. I was pretty wiped out and I stayed late after everyone left so I could talk with my mom.

But she came into the room talking about other business so we spent the good majority of the meeting talking about other issues and she went off tangent multiple times so I was glad she can't focus and did not seem to understand at all what the meeting was supposed to be about. When he finally got to speak he said he wanted to know if we could work together to add consistency to our processes especially as it applies to our work with our offices. Then he asked me what I think. I told him I thought we could work on that this summer. We recently swapped two offices and our practices differ substantially I have found. She was agreeable to working together to put together some best practices. We were good there.

Then he asked me directly if I thought there was anything else that we could do to improve office practices. I felt very put on the spot. So I kept it very general. I told him I think our biggest weakness as a team is communication. And that it was important to me that we have quality, careful communication between the four of us. And I also said that I was always available for calls if it was something of a sensitive nature that would be better discussed where I can read tone and body language. Plus, sometimes things that take ten emails to clarify can be solved by one call. I left it at that. She agreed.

And then she said that she would be open to more equity in assignments. She stated that prior to me they rotated projects and reports. She prefers this system rather than trying to collaborate. (I don't want to have to collaborate with her as she is unreliable.) And I enthusiastically said I'd prefer that we rotate. (I left off the part where in order to rotate she must actually be willing to do work.)

She went off tangent into other business which he felt compelled to discuss. So I joined in and let it flow.

Then when he got the reigns back, he looked at me and asked me if there was anything else I wanted to say about the workings of our office. I just simply repeated that I will do my part to work on better communication and left it at that. He seemed really not happy with my answer. I was really not happy with him either. Because I felt like he specifically put me on the spot to bring up all the issues in our office. I did not do that. I was not going to do that. I don't know what he was thinking. He clearly did not come in with much of an agenda. He didn't say but two sentences about anything going on in our office. So I was certainly not going to say anything controversial or bring up anything of substance either. The assistant director said absolutely nothing about any of this. So that was it.

I walked away incredibly disappointed in him. (not surprised) But I felt like the whole meeting was baiting me to bring up all these issues in front of her and I was not about to do that. It was my expectation going in that he was going to bring up all these things and put her and me on the defensive. That's where my anxiety about the whole thing was coming from. I don't do well in an argument or when my emotions are running high. But nothing like that happened at all.

I spoke with my BIL at dinner last night. My family has had some information about what has been going on. I gave him some of the latest information and then I asked him (he is a high level manager at a small IT network company) what he thought of the situation. His response was that never in a million years would he have brought two employees together knowing that at least one of them was incredibly frustrated with the other to fight it out with him being the referee. That's exactly how he saw that situation. His assessment of the situation jived with mine. I'll talk again with that counselor today as a follow up to the meeting.

Now, I'll go backward and read all your comments. Sorry for the delay. But nothing exciting happened or got resolved.

I think this is the resolution he was hoping for. I think he wanted us to err our grievances, work out our own problems and then sing Kumbaya.



I wish.



It was! We camped in Kentucky and explored all the caves. Pretty cool.



What was crazy is that technically we are supposed to work in the office 2 days a week. She has not come into the office in 4 years. I normally go Mondays and Wednesdays. But I switched my Wednesday to Thursday. I worked in the office all day yesterday. She did not attend the most important meeting of our week (which was right before) so she could travel to the office *just* for this meeting. Even with an in-person meeting scheduled and an important one right before it, she could not show up in the office to work for a day.



I haven't thought the boss had my back in a very long while. I'll just keep on, keeping on. Until I find something else. What kills me that I get *nothing* but kudos from everyone around me. I have worked in here for 7 years and I have never once had anyone complain about me. I can't think of anyone who treats me with anything but kindness and respect. Even yesterday, I had my first meeting with an office I just took over from her (she took one of mine) and the assistant director attended my meeting with them. They had nothing but good things to say about how I conducted our meeting and put together their financials. I made a lot of changes and they were happy with all of the ways I changed things up. And she was running a whole month behind on data in her meetings with them. So she wasn't even current. My assistant director heard all of this yesterday. And I know he said something to the director and that's exactly where the "streamlining processes" argument came from. Because they didn't realize until yesterday morning just how differently we operate. The meeting went so well, that one of the managers sent me an email following the meeting telling me how much he appreciated my approach to things. This is the kind of working relationships I have with everyone.

I didn't. I was nervous about HER attacking. And that is what I sought counsel on. She did not.



Again, I did not. I expected a shitshow. This is why I sought counsel before the meeting. I wanted to be prepared.



I do not believe this was my place. Again, I disagree with you on who's responsibility it was to keep the meeting on target. It was his responsibility to do this.



I believe I have done all I can to change things. I went to the counselor so I could learn to cope with this situation until I can get out. I just told you I'm apathetic. I'm not interested in fighting for this job. I'm no longer interested in changing anything. I just don't want her to treat me with disrespect in an email with a bunch of other people who I have a relationship with and would give me a reference. I'm not changing any of their minds about me or how this office is going to be run. I just want some dignity until I can leave. And the counselor was helping me walk through this. I've been treading this water for the past two months. After yesterday, I'm 100% sure.