peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,620
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Oct 14, 2015 10:47:24 GMT
I just had something come up (which could be another thread) and texted my sisters, who live on the west coast, for advice. I knew they wouldn't answer now, it's the middle of the night. But I figured they could answer when they wake up. One sister texted back: "it's 3:30 in the morning!" Well, don't answer then. Why have your phone on and ready to answer texts?
It's not like I called - it's not an emergency. Do you keep your phone near you and on at night? Was I rude? It literally did not occur to me that she might think I was expecting a response right away or that my text would wake her up. I put my phone on do not disturb at night (plus it generally stays in my purse anyway) and we still have a landline. I just remembered she no longer has one - but still, I didn't call.
Are texts and calls now the same thing?
UPDATE: my sister wasn't annoyed. She was telling me she was up at 3:30 in the morning with her son and wondered why I didn't text back because she was happy someone else was up, lol. Still - I learned a lot in this thread and will be more conscientious in the future.
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Post by littlemama on Oct 14, 2015 10:52:35 GMT
I keep my phone on in case of emergency, not for early morning texts. That said, I keep it across the hall in a drawer in the bathroom while it charges, so in general a text isn't going to wake me up, but it ringing would.
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Post by christine58 on Oct 14, 2015 10:53:43 GMT
I just had something come up (which could be another thread) and texted my sisters, who live on the west coast, for advice. I knew they wouldn't answer now, it's the middle of the night. But I figured they could answer when they wake up. One sister texted back: "it's 3:30 in the morning!" Well, don't answer then. Why have your phone on and ready to answer texts? It's not like I called - it's not an emergency. Do you keep your phone near you and on at night? Was I rude? It literally did not occur to me that she might think I was expecting a response right away or that my text would wake her up. I put my phone on do not disturb at night (plus it generally stays in my purse anyway) and we still have a landline. I just remembered she no longer has one - but still, I didn't call. Are texts and calls now the same thing? My phone is on because I use it as an alarm. Honestly,unless it was truly an emergency you could have waited till it was a bit later.
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Post by megs78 on Oct 14, 2015 10:54:07 GMT
I keep my phone on at night in case there is a real emergency, so a text at 3am would freak me out, yes. I assume that if someone uses any form of contact that makes an audible noise on the phone (text, Skype message etc) at an odd time, they want my attention asap.
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Post by Basket1lady on Oct 14, 2015 10:54:19 GMT
Yes, I do consider them like phone calls. A lot of people don't put their phones on Do Not Disturb. I'm surprised at how many have never even heard of this feature. I try not to text before a normal waking hour for that person, or a normal bedtime hour.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,620
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Oct 14, 2015 10:56:02 GMT
Wow - learn something new every day. Thanks for the feedback.
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CeeScraps
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~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
Posts: 3,829
Jun 26, 2014 12:56:40 GMT
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Post by CeeScraps on Oct 14, 2015 10:57:31 GMT
My phone is on too as that's how our dd communicates with us from college. I have given her a different text tone so if a sound other than hers comes through I ignore it.
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Post by anxiousmom on Oct 14, 2015 10:57:44 GMT
I use my phone as an alarm clock, plus I use it to read on (I have the kindle app on my phone) so my phone is generally right by my ear where it landed when I fell asleep reading. If a text comes in at 3 am- I see it, I hear it, it wakes me up and then...I go right back to sleep. I do not respond to it, I don't acknowledge it. It is my fault (for lack of a better way of saying it) that I even know that I received a text in the first place. If there is a true emergency, I assume that I will get a phone call-either on my cell or home phone. But no one is going to text an emergency in the middle of the night. (ETA: I wonder if there will be an age/generational component in how this question is answered...?)
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Post by gypsymama on Oct 14, 2015 10:58:22 GMT
my dh gets up at 4am and will shoot me texts from the living room as he thinks of things to tell me, they wake me up every time.... he says "i thought you would just see it when you got up"... i guess DND doesn't work on my phone, it says "sleeping" on my lock screen but i was still hearing notifications so i turned them all to silent now he gets irritated when i don't answer right away during the day, lol!
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Post by mtscrapper on Oct 14, 2015 11:05:30 GMT
I keep my phone on in case of emergency and it is charging next to my bed. My husband doesn't understand this, but I keep reminding him of the time when my son called at 2 in the morning (from work) telling us someone had taken his keys by mistake and they lived out of town and couldn't come in right away, so he called us so we could come get him from work. He would not have been able to get a hold of us if I didn't have the phone on.
We do have a landline, but there is no phone in our bedroom and not many people use it anyway. I want my kids (the grown ones who don't live at home especially, since the other 2 have curfews and I usually know where they are) to get a hold of me or our aging parents to be able to get a hold of us if there is an emergency.
Someone texted me at 2 in the morning not long ago and I got kind of mad, too, especially since I couldn't get back to sleep and I get up at 5 for work.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Oct 14, 2015 11:06:23 GMT
I think it depends who you are texting with. If I send my son a text, or he sends me one - the response is more immediate because that's how we communicate. He knows in case of emergency to call our land line at night because my cell phone is charging downstairs.
With my family and friends a text is nothing of immediate importance. But if I want advice or information, I won't text, I will call or email.
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Post by Scrapbrat on Oct 14, 2015 11:09:46 GMT
I do not consider a call and a text the same. I keep my phone downstairs at night, and we still have a landline. DS at college would know to call the landline if there was truly an emergency. But he will text me in the middle of the night (when he's still up), and I sometimes text him early, early in the morning, because I know he puts his phone on DND at night so he won't hear the ping. But, I have to say I wouldn't do that with my sister in Texas, because I'm not really sure what she does with her phone at night. They do not have a landline anymore, so she and BIL may both keep their phones on at night.
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Post by Patter on Oct 14, 2015 11:10:07 GMT
I keep mine on vibrate at night. That way people can text me any time of night. If it's an emergency, people know to call the house line. If I have my alarm on, it still goes off when the phone is on vibrate! Works AMAZING for me.
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Post by mtscrapper on Oct 14, 2015 11:10:45 GMT
Another thought: Some people have sleep issues (like me - if sleep gets interrupted in the middle of the night, sometimes I can't get back to sleep or it may take hours before I actually do fall back asleep and I can't take naps because I work), but I still want to keep the phone on for emergencies.
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Post by peasapie on Oct 14, 2015 11:18:13 GMT
I set my phone so that only texts from my kids come through between 11-7. Anything else is silent. That said, I know most people don't do that, so I don't text during sleeping hours because many people keep their phones on to receive emergency calls.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 22:21:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2015 11:18:21 GMT
my dh gets up at 4am and will shoot me texts from the living room as he thinks of things to tell me, they wake me up every time.... he says "i thought you would just see it when you got up"... i guess DND doesn't work on my phone, it says "sleeping" on my lock screen but i was still hearing notifications so i turned them all to silent now he gets irritated when i don't answer right away during the day, lol! The default setting on the dnd allows for text/calls from numbers on your favorites list. That way you can have a dnd but still allow your child or other family to get through for an emergency.. the problem is even their non emergency texts/calls will come through. eta: you can change the setting so no one gets through. Or fix your favorites list so family who texts at odd hours doesn't come through.. but then their emergency calls won't come through either. I use my cell for my alarm clock, and I prefer it on the night stand in case of emergency so those middle of the night texts do annoy me to a degree. The biggest annoyance is it doesn't just "bing" once but multiple time.
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AllieC
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Jul 4, 2014 6:57:02 GMT
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Post by AllieC on Oct 14, 2015 11:19:02 GMT
I don't text after the time I know that person goes to bed. I keep my phone next to the bed for an alarm and have had texts come through when I am sleeping and it shocks the heck out of me and I often can't get back to sleep.
Unless you know that the person doesn't have their phone next to them (and even on vibrate only it will still wake me) then I would wait until you know it is morning. I used to have my phone on DND until there was a family emergency and I didn't hear the call/text, now I keep it on.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,734
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Oct 14, 2015 11:26:34 GMT
Wouldn't bother me at all. I put my phone on silent when I go to bed, and leave it on the kitchen table. I use a clock radio to wake up, and we have a land line. Anyone needing either of us in an emergency or not knows to call the land line, we have a phone in the bedroom.
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kitbop
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Jun 28, 2014 21:14:36 GMT
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Post by kitbop on Oct 14, 2015 11:26:44 GMT
IMO, Texting is NOT for big news or emergencies that need to be responded to in the night. I ignore texts at night (if I hear them).
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 14, 2015 11:27:03 GMT
Honestly, I think your sister totally overreacted. It's not your fault that your text woke her up. If she's that sensitive, turn the ringer off. Simple. Texts are not the same as phone calls in the sense that they do not need to be responded to with the immediacy that a phone call does. So yes, I will text in the middle of the night if I have to as does everyone I know, and no no one has ever thought to complain about it. My phone goes off all night, and it sits right beside the bed because that's where the chargers are.
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Post by moveablefeast on Oct 14, 2015 11:40:12 GMT
My mom had her phone in DND the night my dad had his heart attack and it was three hours before I could reach her. My phone was dead and I was using a number that wasn't in her allowed list so she didn't get the message for hours and hours - it was terrible and soured me to using DND because of the possibility of missing a really critical call.
For me, an email is "when you get up in the morning", a text is "I need you to see this quickly", and a call is "I have to communicate with you immediately".
I have to leave my phone on at night because that's the primary way that my staff will contact me if they need a substitute, and I'm the emergency coordinator and need to be reachable to receive calls from the county or from facilities. Usually no one calls me but my day began before 6 today because I need three substitutes and all those calls came in on my cell phone. It also means I can't put my phone in night mode and allow certain numbers to get through because it would be impossible to allow through all the calls that need to get through.
All that really means is my phone has to be on and in my room at night. So a 3:30 text would be disruptive to me and as a result I think it's rude to text people in the night unless it's a high priority communication.
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Post by elaine on Oct 14, 2015 11:42:54 GMT
Honestly, I think your sister totally overreacted. It's not your fault that your text woke her up. If she's that sensitive, turn the ringer off. Simple. Texts are not the same as phone calls in the sense that they do not need to be responded to with the immediacy that a phone call does. So yes, I will text in the middle of the night if I have to as does everyone I know, and no no one has ever thought to complain about it. My phone goes off all night, and it sits right beside the bed because that's where the chargers are. Like you, peabay, I keep my phone in my purse anyhow. But I have texted my mom, who lives on the West Coast, in the middle of the night her time and never expected an answer back until she woke up. To me, a text is more the equivalent of an email than a phone call. I prefer to use texts with family and close friends because there is so much junk that comes through email these days that email from people is easier to overlook.
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Post by epeanymous on Oct 14, 2015 11:48:49 GMT
I'd probably email under those circumstances or wait until morning. I have only had a cell phone for a short period of time (or, rather, I had one for several years and got rid of it for about a decade, and just recently got one again). I don't think a text is exactly the same as a call, but when people text me they generally are expecting a response quickly, and I am often texted about urgent things. I don't think that you did anything horrifying, but I get where your sister is coming from, too.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Oct 14, 2015 11:51:23 GMT
I just answered in the other post that I keep my cell on and by my bed at night. I have older kids and they'd likely use my cell if they had an issue. I have one who is an assistant on a college team and they travel a lot during the middle of the night. Makes me feel better to have the phone on just in case he texts/calls. On occasion if i've know the weather was bad and he's on the rode, he'll text me an i'm here.
I wouldn't say i'd consider a text a phone call, but I do try to be conscious of the time i'm sending something knowing some people do keep their cells with them all the time.
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iluvpink
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Posts: 4,292
Location: Michigan
Jul 13, 2014 12:40:31 GMT
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Post by iluvpink on Oct 14, 2015 11:51:02 GMT
I don't care for middle of the night texts and don't send them. However I keep my phone in the kitchen just because of this reason. I can hear it ring for emergencies but it's far enough away that I won't hear the ding of texts. I only keep it with me if dd is sleeping over at a friend's etc because she will text sometimes at night due to a health concern.
I know my sister keeps her phone with her at night and while she mostly is able to sleep through texts, she doesn't always. So to be safe I don't text her if I think she might be sleeping.
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Post by farmdpea on Oct 14, 2015 11:52:54 GMT
Honestly, I think your sister totally overreacted. It's not your fault that your text woke her up. If she's that sensitive, turn the ringer off. Simple. Texts are not the same as phone calls in the sense that they do not need to be responded to with the immediacy that a phone call does. So yes, I will text in the middle of the night if I have to as does everyone I know, and no no one has ever thought to complain about it. My phone goes off all night, and it sits right beside the bed because that's where the chargers are. Like you, peabay, I keep my phone in my purse anyhow. But I have texted my mom, who lives on the West Coast, in the middle of the night her time and never expected an answer back until she woke up. To me, a text is more the equivalent of an email than a phone call. I prefer to use texts with family and close friends because there is so much junk that comes through email these days that email from people is easier to overlook. Same for me. A phone call says "stop what you are doing and speak to me immediately" A text says "get back to me as soon as soon as you conveniently can". For example, when you get out of the dentist's chair or park the car. Email at this point is just something I use to share electronic documents and receive a bunch of JUNK.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,620
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Oct 14, 2015 11:56:39 GMT
Honestly, I think your sister totally overreacted. It's not your fault that your text woke her up. If she's that sensitive, turn the ringer off. Simple. Texts are not the same as phone calls in the sense that they do not need to be responded to with the immediacy that a phone call does. So yes, I will text in the middle of the night if I have to as does everyone I know, and no no one has ever thought to complain about it. My phone goes off all night, and it sits right beside the bed because that's where the chargers are. Like you, peabay, I keep my phone in my purse anyhow. But I have texted my mom, who lives on the West Coast, in the middle of the night her time and never expected an answer back until she woke up. To me, a text is more the equivalent of an email than a phone call. I prefer to use texts with family and close friends because there is so much junk that comes through email these days that email from people is easier to overlook. My sister doesn't really answer emails. That's part of it.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
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Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Oct 14, 2015 12:01:57 GMT
I keep my phone downstairs in my purse. So it wouldn't bother me. DH however, keeps his upstairs, and keeps it on. So if someone texted him, we'd hear it and probably neither of us would get back to sleep.
So my issue would not be that its something that could wait. My issue would be that the ringtone would wake us up.
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Kerri W
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Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Oct 14, 2015 12:02:29 GMT
Exactly what farmdpea said. I don't think you were out of line. There's a DND feature on the phone for a reason. It's unfortunate so many people don't know how to use it. Honestly, I'm surprised so many people still have landlines.
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iowgirl
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Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
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Post by iowgirl on Oct 14, 2015 12:04:48 GMT
I can't set my phone for "do not disturb".
A 3 am text about something that does not need immediate attention would piss me off.
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