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Post by mom23sweetpeas on Nov 14, 2015 10:32:49 GMT
My 14 year old DS snuck out of the house tonight- when i went to check on him ( i had fallen asleep on the couch watching and movie) --i noticed his blankets looked funny so i went closer- he had used the old bunch up the sheets trick and was gone!
It is now 5:30 am and i am waiting and getting angrier - what would your reaction be? i don't want to do the wrong thing.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,057 
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Post by AllieC on Nov 14, 2015 10:42:08 GMT
Oh goodness, do you have any idea of where he might be? Have you tried to call him?
I honestly don't know how I would handle it. I think I would try not to fly into a mad rage and calmly say that you were worried sick and you would be speaking about this once he has had a sleep and you have calmed down.
I would try to get behind the reasons why he did it and who he was with. As much as it would be hard, going ballistic will only shut him down and you may lose the chance to really talk about this.
Good luck.
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Post by mom23sweetpeas on Nov 14, 2015 10:49:58 GMT
That is what i fear- I tend to yell first and think later- i know i need to be calm but right now that is hard-
I am not sure where he went- i know that he texted (on his computer) a friend around 12:35 saying he couldn't get out yet- i was still awake- unfortunately he lost his phone this week since his data was well over the limit this month
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Nov 14, 2015 11:02:13 GMT
I would emphasize my worry for his safety. I did not have to deal with that, per se, but when my older one ( he was/ is in college) started staying out late or overnight, I asked him to let us know so we knew he was safe somewhere because of course I was worried. He just did not realize the effect it had on us. Would your son respond to that?
Then, it would become an issue of why he is sneaking out? Playing video games at a friend's house is not the same as stealing manhole covers or drugs under a bridge.
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Post by verdepea on Nov 14, 2015 11:25:37 GMT
Gosh I don't know maybe say I am so glad you are home I really need your help washing the baseboards. I would try to react how he is expecting me to aCT and,not let him go to sleep right away or hide in his room. at least it sounds good in my head. Good luck. I hope his is safe.
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Post by Really Red on Nov 14, 2015 11:30:57 GMT
Wow. I would be sitting on his bed waiting for him. Do NOT lose your temper. Let him explain himself. Let him talk himself into a corner. Then tell him you're going to think things over and close the door calmly and walk out.
Be brave! Be strong!
I hope your son is okay!!
p.s. then you're going to have to come back here with what happened and we'll help you come up with a consequence based on his excuse. There is the outside possibility it may have been really good.
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Post by christine58 on Nov 14, 2015 11:58:43 GMT
This happened to a friend...she went looking immediately for her daughter. Numerous consequences ensued. I hope he's safe somewhere..no way could I just sit at home waiting. I'd be calling his friends and out looking.
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Country Ham
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Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Nov 14, 2015 12:18:08 GMT
The friend he texted at 12:30am. I would of already been on the phone with that person's parent and driven over to their house as soon as I saw the message. Other then hard labor, grounding, screen time removal I am not sure what else I could do.
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Post by mom23sweetpeas on Nov 14, 2015 12:21:19 GMT
He is home and washing dishes as we speak ( he was not sleeping after i waited up all night)
I spoke calmly and laid down the ground rules- he is grounded for an unlimited time- we will revaluate in two weeks
Dh was out looking for him while i waited at home- we wanted to catch him in the act
Seems all his friends do it and several were with him or had told their parents they were sleeping over at other peoples houses and then stay out
I think it time the parents get together and have text/ phone tree on the weekends
Thanks for all your advice it was greatly appreciated.
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Post by christine58 on Nov 14, 2015 12:24:06 GMT
He is home and washing dishes as we speak ( he was not sleeping after i waited up all night) I spoke calmly and laid down the ground rules- he is grounded for an unlimited time- we will revaluate in two weeks Dh was out looking for him while i waited at home- we wanted to catch him in the act Seems all his friends do it and several were with him or had told their parents they were sleeping over at other peoples houses and then stay out I think it time the parents get together and have text/ phone tree on the weekends Thanks for all your advice it was greatly appreciated. Stay out where??? He'd be more than grounded. |
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,766
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Nov 14, 2015 12:30:46 GMT
I think you need to find out exactly where he was, in someone's house or on the streets, in a park etc. No one is up to any good "hanging out" in the early hours of the morning, especially a group of teenage boys with no supervision.
In the meantime, I'm sure you can devise a few more jobs that need more effort than washing dishes. Flower beds to be dug, cars to be washed, toilets to be cleaned etc.
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Post by baslp on Nov 14, 2015 12:32:08 GMT
I agree... Where were they and what were they doing? I am sure it was not crafting. I would also be doing a drug test.
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Post by mom23sweetpeas on Nov 14, 2015 12:36:56 GMT
We do know- he was at a party with another friend- yes there was drinking involved - oh don't worry there will be other jobs to be done that was just the start (dishes were first since he skipped out on them for hockey last night) and he has to go to breakfast with grandma and the rest of the family in an hour- should be interesting
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Post by gar on Nov 14, 2015 12:37:14 GMT
Good luck with this, however you decide to handle it.
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Post by hop2 on Nov 14, 2015 13:00:57 GMT
Maybe let grandma grill him about it? Innocently like what did he do last night. I idolized my grandparents ( I only had one set ) if I had to own up to some crap like that to my grandma id have been mortified.
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tincin
Drama Llama
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Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Nov 14, 2015 13:16:38 GMT
I honestly love the fact that you are keeping him up. That's awesome.
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eleezybeth
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Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Nov 14, 2015 13:21:46 GMT
I'd be drug testing (and I'm not sure how I'd do that but my angry and scared heart would find a way). He wouldn't go anywhere without an escort for months. He would lose all choices and freedom. Trust is easily broken but hard to earn. It would be a painful lesson but it would be taught.
That's my fear reaction. I'm sure once I thought about it if be clearer headed. My kid's "currency" is freedom though so immediately that would be gone.
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CeeScraps
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~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
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Post by CeeScraps on Nov 14, 2015 13:21:48 GMT
He is home and washing dishes as we speak ( he was not sleeping after i waited up all night) I spoke calmly and laid down the ground rules- he is grounded for an unlimited time- we will revaluate in two weeks Dh was out looking for him while i waited at home- we wanted to catch him in the act Seems all his friends do it and several were with him or had told their parents they were sleeping over at other peoples houses and then stay out I think it time the parents get together and have text/ phone tree on the weekends Thanks for all your advice it was greatly appreciated. I'd hold a breakfast meeting at a location WITHOUT children. Why? Because then all of you get on the same page prior to the kids hearing people's comments. Realize not everyone will be united in whatever the discussion is. Go to the library and use a conference room, go to Panera use their room..... Hugs mom..... |
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Post by anonrefugee on Nov 14, 2015 13:22:03 GMT
Good luck with this, however you decide to handle it. Yes, good luck! These are the times you wish they came with a manual! |
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johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 14, 2015 13:26:26 GMT
OMG I would lose my sh!t. You've been far calmer than I would have been, kudos for that! I have a 14yo son as well and this summer between him and his friends they had all sorts indiscretions: drinking, sexting, sexual acts, sneaking out, lighting fireworks, underage driving, etc. DS's was thankfully one of the more minor ones but it was eye opening for sure. If we're dealing with this crap at 14, what does 16 & 17 bring  |
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AmeliaBloomer
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Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Nov 14, 2015 13:32:43 GMT
Playing video games at a friend's house is not the same as stealing manhole covers or drugs under a bridge. I'm sorry - I know this is a serious issue (OP, I'm glad your son is home), but this post made me laugh out loud. Are you just being silly (if yes, good job) or is stealing manhole covers a thing? I would choose it hands-down over drugs-under-bridge. Unless it's a gateway crime leading to stealing other municipal equipment - like parking meters and then fire hydrants.  (OP, you must be so relieved...and so ticked off. Good luck.) |
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gsquaredmom
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Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Nov 14, 2015 13:44:35 GMT
Playing video games at a friend's house is not the same as stealing manhole covers or drugs under a bridge. I'm sorry - I know this is a serious issue (OP, I'm glad your son is home), but this post made me laugh out loud. Are you just being silly (if yes, good job) or is stealing manhole covers a thing? I would choose it hands-down over drugs-under-bridge. Unless it's a gateway crime leading to stealing other municipal equipment - like parking meters and then fire hydrants. (OP, you must be so relieved...and so ticked off. Good luck.) Yes. People sell them for scrap metal money. Teens do it to get drug money. Adults do it for the same reason or they are scrappers for a living. It's a middle of the night crime. |
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AmeliaBloomer
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Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Nov 14, 2015 13:48:35 GMT
Yes. People sell them for scrap metal money. Huh. I learn something here every damn day. |
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mallie
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Posts: 3,253
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Post by mallie on Nov 14, 2015 13:51:39 GMT
I'm sorry - I know this is a serious issue (OP, I'm glad your son is home), but this post made me laugh out loud. Are you just being silly (if yes, good job) or is stealing manhole covers a thing? I would choose it hands-down over drugs-under-bridge. Unless it's a gateway crime leading to stealing other municipal equipment - like parking meters and then fire hydrants. (OP, you must be so relieved...and so ticked off. Good luck.) Yes. People sell them for scrap metal money. Teens do it to get drug money. Adults do it for the same reason or they are scrappers for a living. It's a middle of the night crime. And that is how a friend died. He fell down the hole after someone stole the manhole cover. |
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back to *pea*ality
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Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
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Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Nov 14, 2015 13:52:04 GMT
1. Advise him that he will respect the rules of your home, he has no rights everything is a privilege.
2. Take away his cell phone.
3. Take away his house key.
4. Take the door off his bedroom.
5. Remove every possession from his room except his bed and a desk to do his homework.
I would have gone out looking for him and when I found him drinking at a party called the police.
If you aren't prepared to do these things, this kid is going to walk all over you and cause you more heartache and pain. Good luck.
edited to add: do a drug test, heroin is a huge problem the suburban community and county I live in. I cannot tell you how many kids have died or are in and out of rehab
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AmeliaBloomer
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Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Nov 14, 2015 13:57:37 GMT
And that is how a friend died. He fell down the hole after someone stole the manhole cover. Yikes. And here I thought it was a joke. That's horrible. I'm so sorry. |
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Post by christine58 on Nov 14, 2015 13:58:41 GMT
1. Advise him that he will respect the rules of your home, he has no rights everything is a privilege. 2. Take away his cell phone. 3. Take away his house key. 4. Take the door off his bedroom. 5. Remove every possession from his room except his bed and a desk to do his homework. I would have gone out looking for him and when I found him drinking at a party called the police. If you aren't prepared to do these things, this kid is going to walk all over you and cause you more heartache and pain. Good luck. Oh and he would go no where alone...sleep on the floor of his bedroom. |
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,766
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Nov 14, 2015 14:03:02 GMT
Yes. People sell them for scrap metal money. Huh. I learn something here every damn day. Here, in the UK, stealing metal was such a problem that the law was changed to prohibit cash payments for metal whilst also making it a law to verify the name and address of the seller. Scraper dealers had to apply for a license to operate and face loss of license and a fine if found not sticking to the rules. Church roofs (the lead), telecomms cables, statues - nothing was safe. But if they can't sell the stuff perhaps it will stop them stealing in the first place. |
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Nov 14, 2015 14:18:03 GMT
Even though you have dealt with it, I am going to share what I would most likely have done. When DS walked in the door, I would have been sitting there, said something about him being home safe and then hand him a long list of chores. I would have explained that once these chores were done to my satisfaction we would then discuss his punishment. I would have let him wonder about it for a while.
I like the idea of having grandma ask "innocently" about what he did last night.
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Post by lancermom on Nov 14, 2015 14:34:12 GMT
Late here too. When my daughter had her first major, we didn't punish right away. I always hated punishments out of anger. DH and I took the next day to come up with it, and then another if she did it again. So she got her consequences and she was told if it happened again, this is what your consequence will be. The second was same as first, but we added! It was easier to stick to. And she knew if she did it again, she was fully aware of what would happen. She didn't ever get to round two. We did have a safety, we are disappointed talk that night. But stayed calm. And when we said she would get her punishment the next day she was upset. She kept saying do it now. I think the waiting was almost as bad!!!
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