notjustmom
Shy Member
Posts: 40
Nov 7, 2018 22:45:58 GMT
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Post by notjustmom on Jun 7, 2019 2:43:54 GMT
I think often people choose spouses very poorly. If a problem exists from the beginning (and almost never do problems come out of nowhere) only a fool marries knowing about that problem. But people do it all the time, and then they often make children, and screw up a bunch of lives when they decide they can no longer live with a problem they knew existed from the start. In retrospect, being older and wiser, I can honestly say that there were signs. I just didn't see them. This place has been a great source of comfort for me.
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Post by rockymtnpea on Jun 7, 2019 14:06:45 GMT
May e people become less tolerant with what they will put up with. Things start to build and finally the person is not willing to negotiate. They just get sick of it and decide to throw in the towel. They look up and think ‘Is this all there is?’
I also agree with Scrubogist...people select poorly. There are signs whether they see them themselves or someone points them out but they ignore it. After years of being with someone that has behaviors that were formerly at least tolerable the behaviors now become a HUGE distraction.
I agree that some people keep their true selves hidden but others have theirs on full display and they are not nice people.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,137
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Jun 7, 2019 17:39:24 GMT
I think often people choose spouses very poorly. If a problem exists from the beginning (and almost never do problems come out of nowhere) only a fool marries knowing about that problem. But people do it all the time, and then they often make children, and screw up a bunch of lives when they decide they can no longer live with a problem they knew existed from the start. In retrospect, being older and wiser, I can honestly say that there were signs. I just didn't see them. This place has been a great source of comfort for me. most interesting thread i personally ever started was "what were you thinking when you married your ex?". the responses were honest and self-reflecting and show the growth people go through in their lives. perhaps i chose poorly, but at the time, i thought it was "good enough". it became clear it was not.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 8, 2019 4:10:45 GMT
I'm very happily married and I've been w/dh for nearly 40 years, not married that entire time. I would like to think that marriage for many of us is forever. Both dh's parents and my parents were happily married and so were grandparents, etc.
Our secret is communication. We discuss everything and we're on the same page about the big stuff: finances, child rearing, etc. My kids are in college now and our empty nest has been sort of a honeymoon phase. The first month was hard, but we started doing things that we hadn't done in years. Another secret is that we respect eachother. I have so many friends that complain about their husbands and that makes me sad. Build eachother up and work as a team. The fireworks come and go, but if the relationship and bond is solid then it's worth it. Some people enjoy the falling in love phase and when that ends it gets old. Not me. I loved falling in love and those butterflies, but staying in love is so much better.
Our marriage is by no means perfect. We're human beings and we have our disagreements, but we are best friends first and that makes a huge difference. Count me in the the marriage is wonderful group.
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Post by comfortablynumb on Jun 8, 2019 4:41:19 GMT
I haven't read any replies, this is just in response to the OP.
I plan on divorcing my husband in 3 years and 2 months. I'm waiting until our daughter graduates from high school.
In my case, we've been married for almost 30 years and neither of us are the people we fell in love with and married. Neither of us are actually unhappy, but we aren't really happy with each other, kwim? Once upon a time, I liked that he was in charge, I liked the 50's Era dynamic of our relationship, but now I'm tired of it.
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Post by Clair on Jun 8, 2019 20:07:26 GMT
I'm very happily married and I've been w/dh for nearly 40 years, not married that entire time. I would like to think that marriage for many of us is forever. Both dh's parents and my parents were happily married and so were grandparents, etc.
Our secret is communication. We discuss everything and we're on the same page about the big stuff: finances, child rearing, etc. My kids are in college now and our empty nest has been sort of a honeymoon phase. The first month was hard, but we started doing things that we hadn't done in years. Another secret is that we respect eachother. I have so many friends that complain about their husbands and that makes me sad. Build eachother up and work as a team. The fireworks come and go, but if the relationship and bond is solid then it's worth it. Some people enjoy the falling in love phase and when that ends it gets old. Not me. I loved falling in love and those butterflies, but staying in love is so much better.
Our marriage is by no means perfect. We're human beings and we have our disagreements, but we are best friends first and that makes a huge difference. Count me in the the marriage is wonderful group.
This is great. Im truly happy for you. I could have written this post. This is was my marriage - until it wasn’t. Husband decided he wanted something different after 30 plus years together. I really don’t know where it went so wrong. I was blindsided. I came home one day - happy to see my husbands car in the driveway already. Happily opened the door to see him and he told me he was moving out. We do our best but if one person changes their mind...everything changes in an instant.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 8, 2019 20:37:21 GMT
I'm very happily married and I've been w/dh for nearly 40 years, not married that entire time. I would like to think that marriage for many of us is forever. Both dh's parents and my parents were happily married and so were grandparents, etc.
Our secret is communication. We discuss everything and we're on the same page about the big stuff: finances, child rearing, etc. My kids are in college now and our empty nest has been sort of a honeymoon phase. The first month was hard, but we started doing things that we hadn't done in years. Another secret is that we respect eachother. I have so many friends that complain about their husbands and that makes me sad. Build eachother up and work as a team. The fireworks come and go, but if the relationship and bond is solid then it's worth it. Some people enjoy the falling in love phase and when that ends it gets old. Not me. I loved falling in love and those butterflies, but staying in love is so much better.
Our marriage is by no means perfect. We're human beings and we have our disagreements, but we are best friends first and that makes a huge difference. Count me in the the marriage is wonderful group.
This is great. Im truly happy for you. I could have written this post. This is was my marriage - until it wasn’t. Husband decided he wanted something different after 30 plus years together. I really don’t know where it went so wrong. I was blindsided. I came home one day - happy to see my husbands car in the driveway already. Happily opened the door to see him and he told me he was moving out. We do our best but if one person changes their mind...everything changes in an instant. I'm very sorry that happened to you. It's truly sad and does happen all to often. I'm angry at him for blindsiding you.
I want people to know that you can have a good marriage that works. That is my story and I hope it encourages people who want to find happiness within a marriage not to give up finding the right partner.
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