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Post by SweetieBugs on Jul 22, 2016 20:14:07 GMT
My DD went vegan about 2.5 years ago when she was senior in HS, completely cold-turkey on her own. WE have been supportive of it and I cook vegan about half the time and then on other nights make sure there are side dishes that are vegan she can have with something she fixes.
She has been at home for the past 2 years going to community college but will be moving away to one town over next month for university. Since going vegan, she has been unwilling to purchase non-vegan items at the store for me and I have let that slide. Today, I am trying to make a special dessert for my son (he is leaving for college next week and will be 7 hours away) and she is going to the store for something else and she wont even purchase a pint of whipping cream for me. For some reason, this just hit me really WRONG and I am so upset and crying over it.
Is this too much to ask of a vegan? Am I not being understanding? I just really need to know how other vegans feel about this and how other families with vegan eaters handle this?
For what it's worth, my DD didn't care that I was upset. I think I have raised a bratty child sometimes:(
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Post by fwscrapper on Jul 22, 2016 20:15:57 GMT
No, that is not even remotely unreasonable.
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Post by flanz on Jul 22, 2016 20:16:25 GMT
No vegans in our household, but that seems really rude of your dd, especially as you have done a lot to accommodate her eating preferences. And especially knowing this is a special occasion... I would hope she would want to help you out, whatever your need might be, and also want to help do something her brother would enjoy as a treat.
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Post by Outspoken on Jul 22, 2016 20:16:38 GMT
I am not Vegan. I respect her choices. She should respect yours. I think she is being unreasonable and if she is unwilling to shop for you, how can she expect you to accommodate her?
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Post by justkat on Jul 22, 2016 20:17:49 GMT
(Hugs) to you. I'm not a vegan so take my opinion for what it's worth. I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think your daughter is being rude and disrespectful. Sorry you're upset.
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Post by angieh1996 on Jul 22, 2016 20:19:01 GMT
I'm not vegan. You've gone above and beyond to support her. She's being rude in my opinion.
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Post by Sam on Jul 22, 2016 20:19:33 GMT
She's been AT home? As in, in YOUR HOME for the last TWO years??? Where, I assume, a strict vegan lifestyle is not adhered to???
I'd tell her to get her self entitled backside into gear and BUY me what I WANT!!!
Cheeky little bitch!!
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Post by Zee on Jul 22, 2016 20:19:48 GMT
I really can't answer for vegans, but as a parent, I'd be so angry that she's not willing to help out that I'd want to change the locks before she got home.
Of course I wouldn't do that, and I can't even answer as to what I would do. I don't think you're asking a lot and she's being incredibly ungrateful as it sounds like you've been more than accommodating to her and her dietary preferences. You didn't ask her to run to the butcher or slaughter a chicken on her way home. I'm sorry, going young adults can be so incredibly difficult sometimes.
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Deleted
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May 2, 2024 6:37:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 20:20:14 GMT
I can't even think of any time that it would be remotely right for her to refuse to even purchase something for you to help you out. I'm not sure what I would do but I would be mega pissed for a good long time and I don't think I'd be too ready for her to ask me for any favors or special treatment.
Honestly, my next few meals would be so meat filled that everyone within 5 blocks would get the meat sweats. She can figure it out on her own.
She would have just earned herself a one way ticket to adultville where mom doesn't have to cook things for her, pay her bills, do her laundry, or help her out with stuff.
And yes, I probably WOULD do that all over a container of whipping cream, because this is not about the whipping cream.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 6:37:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 20:20:32 GMT
No it isn't. She is expecting everybody to accommodate her and not doing the same in return.
Signed btdt mother of a vegetarian.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jul 22, 2016 20:22:25 GMT
Not at all. I'd also be pissed.
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Post by dazeepetals on Jul 22, 2016 20:23:29 GMT
I'm not vegan, but plant-based. I may not know her exact reason, but can guess.
For true vegans, who are in it for animal-rights, the purchase of ANY animal products goes against the core of their beliefs. They don't want any part, even if it's not for them, of purchasing animal products. It would be like a Christian being asked to purchase a satanic book (or something similar) to bring home to someone else. It goes completely against their beliefs and they don't want any part of it.
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Post by littlemama on Jul 22, 2016 20:23:46 GMT
I think I would stop making special meals for her. Why should you go out of your way for her when she can't even pick up an item at the grocery store while she is there. I also would not be crying over it, I would be LIVID.
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Post by shevy on Jul 22, 2016 20:24:37 GMT
If she is vegan for the animal products, then she may have that aversion to even participate in the process of animal products. Some of my local friends are. If she is vegan for health reasons, then it's not an unreasonable request.
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Jul 22, 2016 20:24:39 GMT
I would calmly let her know that I was under the assumption that respect was a two way street and you would no longer be accommodating her specific diet needs. She can eat what is on the table, or make herself what she desires. If you have gone out of your way to make sure that something is always available for her, she can go out of her way to pick something up for you. You weren't asking her to kill it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 6:37:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 20:26:01 GMT
I'm not vegan, but plant-based. I may not know her exact reason, but can guess. For true vegans, who are in it for animal-rights, the purchase of ANY animal products goes against the core of their beliefs. They don't want any part, even if it's not for them, of purchasing animal products. It would be like a Christian being asked to purchase a satanic book (or something similar) to bring home to someone else. It goes completely against their beliefs and they don't want any part of it. That's understandable, but a Christian wouldn't sit at the table of a satan worshiper and let them prepare all of their meals for the past 2.5 years either.
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casii
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,461
Jun 29, 2014 14:40:44 GMT
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Post by casii on Jul 22, 2016 20:29:39 GMT
I have a couple of vegan friends who don't generally buy anything non vegan, but have never had any issue with guests bringing omnivorous food into their home, so I'd venture to guess they MAY buy something like whipping cream for family?
If this were my child, in my home, I'd be having a come to Jesus talk. If we were going to split hairs, I'd start talking about animals harmed in the harvest of her vegan diet.
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Deleted
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May 2, 2024 6:37:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 20:31:08 GMT
I'm answering as a vegetarian from a family of big meat eaters, your daughter is being unreasonable. My husband is a meat eater and when he comes over I buy him whatever the hell he wants, ham, bacon, lamb chops cos it's really the least I can do.
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purplebee
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Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Jul 22, 2016 20:32:22 GMT
No, and she is being a brat. No more special treatment for her unless she apologizes and gets the cream. And I can relate. Sometimes my 21 yo ds makes the top of my head explode and he doesn't even live at home!!!! Good luck and hugs. I honestly think that sometimes these "adult" (wannabe) children have no idea how much they can hurt their parents because they are so wrapped up in their own little world. My ds IS a good kid, but sometimes........!!!!
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MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,836
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Jul 22, 2016 20:33:52 GMT
Your DD is letting her personal feelings about animal products get in the way of her relationships.
You respect her veganism, it is only fair that she respect that you are not. She's being very hypocritical. I would be upset too.
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Post by lucyg on Jul 22, 2016 20:35:00 GMT
I would not be particularly interested in her philosophical beliefs, as mentioned by a couple of PPs. If she can live in a house (no doubt rent-free) where meat is served, then she can damn well pick up a carton of cream once in a while to help you out. I think her refusal is self-centered and ungenerous. How to deal with it is another matter entirely. I put up with a lot of self-righteous BS from my daughter years ago when she was vegetarian. Some of us had trouble learning to say no! (My DD has turned into a very grown-up, gracious adult. Thank God.)
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MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,836
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Jul 22, 2016 20:36:33 GMT
I'm not vegan, but plant-based. I may not know her exact reason, but can guess. For true vegans, who are in it for animal-rights, the purchase of ANY animal products goes against the core of their beliefs. They don't want any part, even if it's not for them, of purchasing animal products. It would be like a Christian being asked to purchase a satanic book (or something similar) to bring home to someone else. It goes completely against their beliefs and they don't want any part of it. So veganism, for some, is a religion. That's a real interesting analogy.
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Post by 2peafaithful on Jul 22, 2016 20:39:26 GMT
She has a lot of growing up to do. She is being completely unreasonable.
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Anita
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Posts: 5,643
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Jul 22, 2016 20:42:01 GMT
Yeah, she's being a brat. I would never serve another vegan dish in my house and I'd stop cooking separately for her. And if I was really feeling spiteful, I'd start leaving apartment ads on her bed. But then I'm pretty mean when you piss me off.
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Post by Sam on Jul 22, 2016 20:43:30 GMT
I'm not vegan, but plant-based. I may not know her exact reason, but can guess. For true vegans, who are in it for animal-rights, the purchase of ANY animal products goes against the core of their beliefs. They don't want any part, even if it's not for them, of purchasing animal products. It would be like a Christian being asked to purchase a satanic book (or something similar) to bring home to someone else. It goes completely against their beliefs and they don't want any part of it. So veganism, for some, is a religion. That's a real interesting analogy. In which case, you don't live in someone elses home You can not live in someone's house when they clearly don't share the same beliefs and then bitch and moan because they want cream, FFS.
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Deleted
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May 2, 2024 6:37:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 20:46:59 GMT
I am so sad for you. I don't think it is unreasonable, but then...I'm not a vegan. I know vegans are very much against any product that harms or creates abusive atmospheres for animals. My nephew and niece-in-law are vegans and are raising their son as one, but I know if my sister asked him to pick up cream or something else like that, he would. Because he respects his mom. Your dd does not respect you. The most obvious hint of that is that she does not care that she upset you. She could have kept her values and simply told you that she is so very sorry, but she can't bring herself to buy the whipping cream for you. It doesn't sound like she did any of that. I could be wrong.
I would be one of the ones that stops cooking anything special for her. You have gone out of your way to cook food especially for her and she has basically thrown that in your face. No more. She can buy and make her own food now. If you make vegetables, make sure you use plenty of real butter! I kid. Not really. Hugs to you. I hope you were able to get your whipping cream.
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Post by hop2 on Jul 22, 2016 20:47:10 GMT
I'm not a vegan, vegetarian or anything like that so maybe I'm missing the point.
I think it's rude. She has spent over 2 years taking advantage of you and your accommodating attitude but she can not return the favor? She's buying food in the store supporting it anyway?
Fyi for future use Trader Joes makes a shelf stable cream in the little box that whips up nicely.
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miyooper2b
Full Member
Posts: 329
Location: Central Indiana
Jun 27, 2014 15:38:05 GMT
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Post by miyooper2b on Jul 22, 2016 20:50:18 GMT
I'm not a vegan but my niece is and I know for a fact she's picked up non-vegan items from the grocery store for family meals and had no issue with it.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jul 22, 2016 20:50:43 GMT
How does she handle cross contamination in the house with the knives, forks and spoons and glasses? I assume she needed all new plates and cutlery and drink wear. Does she use disposable chopsticks to eat? Might remind her of that, too. What does she wash her hair with? Is it all chemicals and no animal products? You can't be too careful.
ETA I would have been shown the door if I had taken this attitude and told not to come back until I had a change of attitude.
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Post by Woobster on Jul 22, 2016 20:53:49 GMT
Your request is not even slightly unreasonable. Your DD is being rude.
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