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Post by elaine on Jul 25, 2016 3:09:09 GMT
If I remember correctly, the whole extended family lives within a couple of blocks. Multiple houses close to each other with more than one generation involved. The expectation, apparently, is that kids are expected to get a house in the neighborhood when they marry and that they will receive financial help to do so. If they move away, according to myshelly in an earlier thread, they will receive no further financial help. Cut-off. And she will be beyond hurt, so she said, if they seriously consider moving away. It was a very unique situation which is why I remember it. I love my mother dearly, but I love to travel and love living in different parts of the country. My moving away had absolutely nothing to do with her "rules" and everything to do with my personality, interests and values. I NEVER said I would "cut them off". My entire family does live here. My husband's entire family does, too. I don't understand moving away. We do not all live within a couple of blocks. We live in different neighborhoods and in different cities. But we are all within about ten minutes of each other. But here I know A LOT of families like mine. I really don't think it's as atypical as the peas make it out to be. Research shows the average American lives 18 miles from mom: www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/12/24/upshot/24up-family.html?_r=0Yes, you did. There would be no more financial help. You may be rethinking it now, but you said it then. The article you linked used median, not mean (aka average), which showed that 50% of Americans now live within 18 miles of their parents. They went on to further explain that the 50% who lived close to their parents were less educated and poorer than those who moved away. If that makes you happy, so be it. I'm not sure that belonging to that demographic would make me particularly proud. "To some extent, people’s proximity to their parents is a reflection of opportunity: The biggest determinants of how far people venture from home are education and income. Those with college and professional degrees are much more likely to live farther from their parents than those with a high school education, in part because they have more job opportunities in big cities, and especially if spouses are juggling the career aspirations of two professionals."
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Post by padresfan619 on Jul 25, 2016 3:12:19 GMT
Well I live about 7 miles from my parents and I'm feeling particularly prickly about the above post.
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Post by padresfan619 on Jul 25, 2016 3:13:28 GMT
Especially since I went to college half way across the country from home. But when home is San Diego it shouldn't be that surprising when the student returns after graduation.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jul 25, 2016 3:15:09 GMT
Well I live about 7 miles from my parents and I'm feeling particularly prickly about the above post. Why so 'prickly?' You're obviously the exception to the statistic Elaine cited.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Jul 25, 2016 3:18:27 GMT
I would have gotten upset, but probably instead of crying I would have went ballistic. And no way in hell would I be making another accomodation for her vegan lifestyle. Let her make her own damn food. (You've been a really good mom - my son did the vegetarian thing for a while and while I made him something different most nights, he was VERY appreciative and didn't expect it.)
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Post by elaine on Jul 25, 2016 3:23:39 GMT
Well I live about 7 miles from my parents and I'm feeling particularly prickly about the above post. Ummm. It was myshelly who posted the link to the article. I just clarified what it said. If you have a problem with it, your problem is with myshelly , not me. I, personally, think she has made some lame claims as to why people move away from home (parents who have rules for their kids) here and then picked an article that didn't exactly say what she thought it did when she posted it to support her "argument." I think that there are a multitude of reasons why kids stay close to home, or move far away, but parenting style of the parents isn't one of the major ones.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 25, 2016 3:36:31 GMT
Well I live about 7 miles from my parents and I'm feeling particularly prickly about the above post. Ummm. It was myshelly who posted the link to the article. I just clarified what it said. If you have a problem with it, your problem is with myshelly , not me. I, personally, think she has made some dumb-ass claims as to why people move away from home (parents who have rules for their kids) here and then picked an article that didn't exactly say what she thought it did when she posted it to support her "argument." I think that there are a multitude of reasons why kids stay close to home, or move far away, but parenting style of the parents isn't one of the major ones. I do realize we are a bit off topic, but I can 100% say that moving away from home was really difficult. My mom was my best friend and supporter. My husband got a job that was quite new to the industry at the time and jobs were few and far between for him. I could have worked anywhere. In no way did I move away from home because I was upset with rules or her being involved in my life. I missed her more than anything else. I guess most of the people I know moved away from home to start a new life with their job or spouse. That is just my reality.
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Post by secondlife on Jul 25, 2016 4:07:23 GMT
I NEVER said I would "cut them off". My entire family does live here. My husband's entire family does, too. I don't understand moving away. We do not all live within a couple of blocks. We live in different neighborhoods and in different cities. But we are all within about ten minutes of each other. But here I know A LOT of families like mine. I really don't think it's as atypical as the peas make it out to be. Research shows the average American lives 18 miles from mom: www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/12/24/upshot/24up-family.html?_r=0Yes, you did. There would be no more financial help. You may be rethinking it now, but you said it then. The article you linked used median, not mean (aka average), which showed that 50% of Americans now live within 18 miles of their parents. They went on to further explain that the 50% who lived close to their parents were less educated and poorer than those who moved away. If that makes you happy, so be it. I'm not sure that belonging to that demographic would make me particularly proud. I don't mean to be snarky, but this is an uncharacteristically cheap argument from you. I know you know that you can't use statistics that are generalized across a population to assume anything about an individual. I also wouldn't expect you to use poor and uneducated as a jab. You are much wiser than this.
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Post by elaine on Jul 25, 2016 4:32:36 GMT
Yes, you did. There would be no more financial help. You may be rethinking it now, but you said it then. The article you linked used median, not mean (aka average), which showed that 50% of Americans now live within 18 miles of their parents. They went on to further explain that the 50% who lived close to their parents were less educated and poorer than those who moved away. If that makes you happy, so be it. I'm not sure that belonging to that demographic would make me particularly proud. I don't mean to be snarky, but this is an uncharacteristically cheap argument from you. I know you know that you can't use statistics that are generalized across a population to assume anything about an individual. I also wouldn't expect you to use poor and uneducated as a jab. You are much wiser than this. Huh? It isn't my article. I didn't cite it. I didn't link it. I just explained what it says. I think it was a poor choice for myshelly to link and cite, because it doesn't actually say what she thinks it does. Have you read ANYTHING I have actually said about the issue of staying close to home or moving away in this thread? Or do I need to go back and quote myself for you? Because it has nothing to do with education level or SES. But I guess that I made an error in explicating what shelly's article actually said and will for some unknown reason be expected take the blame for what she put forth as evidence...
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Post by secondlife on Jul 25, 2016 4:44:12 GMT
I don't mean to be snarky, but this is an uncharacteristically cheap argument from you. I know you know that you can't use statistics that are generalized across a population to assume anything about an individual. I also wouldn't expect you to use poor and uneducated as a jab. You are much wiser than this. Huh? It isn't my article. I didn't cite it. I didn't link it. I just explained what it says. I think it was a poor choice for myshelly to link and cite, because it doesn't actually say what she thinks it does. Have you read ANYTHING I have actually said about the issue of staying close to home or moving away in this thread? Or do I need to go back and quote myself for you? Because it has nothing to do with education level or SES. But I guess that I made an error in explicating what shelly's article actually said and will for some unknown reason be expected take the blame for what she put forth as evidence... I am taking issue with only this statement you made which I quoted above. I understand you were explaining what the article said but I think you did so in a way that was overly reductive and contained elements of classism. I am going to assume that you have had a long day as it is quite late, and that we both need some rest. Peace.
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Post by elaine on Jul 25, 2016 4:56:43 GMT
Huh? It isn't my article. I didn't cite it. I didn't link it. I just explained what it says. I think it was a poor choice for myshelly to link and cite, because it doesn't actually say what she thinks it does. Have you read ANYTHING I have actually said about the issue of staying close to home or moving away in this thread? Or do I need to go back and quote myself for you? Because it has nothing to do with education level or SES. But I guess that I made an error in explicating what shelly's article actually said and will for some unknown reason be expected take the blame for what she put forth as evidence... I am taking issue with only this statement you made which I quoted above. I understand you were explaining what the article said but I think you did so in a way that was overly reductive and contained elements of classism. I am going to assume that you have had a long day as it is quite late, and that we both need some rest. Peace. I am sorry that you took it that way - it certainly wasn't intended as such, nor does it seem to say that to me when I reread what I wrote. I could say more, but I won't. So, simply, my apologies. G'nite.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,947
Location: North Idaho
Jul 1, 2014 23:30:44 GMT
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Post by Nink on Jul 25, 2016 4:59:33 GMT
Confused. Elaine was just citing an article that someone else posted. She didn't write it. Or originally post it for that matter.
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Post by jennyap on Jul 25, 2016 6:28:42 GMT
. The article you linked used median, not mean (aka average), which showed that 50% of Americans now live within 18 miles of their parents. They went on to further explain that the 50% who lived close to their parents were less educated and poorer than those who moved away. If that makes you happy, so be it. I'm not sure that belonging to that demographic would make me particularly proud. "To some extent, people’s proximity to their parents is a reflection of opportunity: The biggest determinants of how far people venture from home are education and income. Those with college and professional degrees are much more likely to live farther from their parents than those with a high school education, in part because they have more job opportunities in big cities, and especially if spouses are juggling the career aspirations of two professionals." That's just citing a study? Because my reaction was much the same as secondlife's. And you edited your post just as was quoting, which makes it even more apparent: You - " the 50% who lived close to their parents were less educated and poorer" Article - "Those with college and professional degrees are much more likely to live farther" One is not the same as the other here.
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Post by elaine on Jul 25, 2016 10:33:39 GMT
. The article you linked used median, not mean (aka average), which showed that 50% of Americans now live within 18 miles of their parents. They went on to further explain that the 50% who lived close to their parents were less educated and poorer than those who moved away. If that makes you happy, so be it. I'm not sure that belonging to that demographic would make me particularly proud. "To some extent, people’s proximity to their parents is a reflection of opportunity: The biggest determinants of how far people venture from home are education and income. Those with college and professional degrees are much more likely to live farther from their parents than those with a high school education, in part because they have more job opportunities in big cities, and especially if spouses are juggling the career aspirations of two professionals." That's just citing a study? Because my reaction was much the same as secondlife 's. And you edited your post just as was quoting, which makes it even more apparent: You - " the 50% who lived close to their parents were less educated and poorer" Article - "Those with college and professional degrees are much more likely to live farther" One is not the same as the other here. I didn't edit that post. You can go back up and read it. No edit. My gosh, you people seem to be looking for things that aren't there. I did edit a post further down to change "dumb-ass" to something more polite, is that okay with you? That quote was only part of the article - it also says (if you actually take the time to read it rather than rely on me to summarize it for you): '“It speaks to a class divide in the population,” Mr. Pollak said. “ Particularly as you go further down the socioeconomic scale, people are living pretty close to their parents, and this means they’re able to provide help.”' "It seems likely that the more education someone has, the farther from home they go, said Robert A. Pollak, an economist at Washington University’s Olin Business School in St. Louis, who studies the economics of family." But, by all means, don't waste precious time to read the article, but inject your own whatever into my simply restating what it said and get snippy with me for an article that someone else posted.
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Post by jennyap on Jul 25, 2016 10:39:45 GMT
That's just citing a study? Because my reaction was much the same as secondlife 's. And you edited your post just as was quoting, which makes it even more apparent: You - " the 50% who lived close to their parents were less educated and poorer" Article - "Those with college and professional degrees are much more likely to live farther" One is not the same as the other here. I didn't edit that post. You can go back up and read it. No edit. My gosh, you people seem to be looking for things that aren't there. I did edit a post further down to change "dumb-ass" to something more polite, is that okay with you? That quote was only part of the article - it also says (if you actually take the time to read it rather than rely on me to summarize it for you): '“It speaks to a class divide in the population,” Mr. Pollak said. “ Particularly as you go further down the socioeconomic scale, people are living pretty close to their parents, and this means they’re able to provide help.”' But, by all means, don't waste precious time to read the article, but inject your own whatever into my simply restating what it said and get snippy with me for an article that someone else posted. I see you're right about the edit, I apparently stopped reading at the point I bolded first time through, sorry about that. I did read the whole article before I posted and nowhere could I see anything that said that all the 50% living nearer their parents are poorer and less educated than the 50% living further away, which is what your post implies because you missed out those all important words 'on average'. Nevertheless, the interpretation of the statistics is all a red herring. What people are getting snippy with you about is the judgement inherent in your statement "I'm not sure that belonging to that demographic would make me particularly proud." And if you think that is just restating the article I'm not sure what to tell you.
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Post by elaine on Jul 25, 2016 11:27:53 GMT
I didn't edit that post. You can go back up and read it. No edit. My gosh, you people seem to be looking for things that aren't there. I did edit a post further down to change "dumb-ass" to something more polite, is that okay with you? That quote was only part of the article - it also says (if you actually take the time to read it rather than rely on me to summarize it for you): '“It speaks to a class divide in the population,” Mr. Pollak said. “ Particularly as you go further down the socioeconomic scale, people are living pretty close to their parents, and this means they’re able to provide help.”' But, by all means, don't waste precious time to read the article, but inject your own whatever into my simply restating what it said and get snippy with me for an article that someone else posted. I see you're right about the edit, I apparently stopped reading at the point I bolded first time through, sorry about that. I did read the whole article before I posted and nowhere could I see anything that said that all the 50% living nearer their parents are poorer and less educated than the 50% living further away, which is what your post implies because you missed out those all important words 'on average'. Nevertheless, the interpretation of the statistics is all a red herring. What people are getting snippy with you about is the judgement inherent in your statement "I'm not sure that belonging to that demographic would make me particularly proud." And if you think that is just restating the article I'm not sure what to tell you. Okay, then. Given that 1) I am much poorer than what my parents wanted for me; 2) one of my kids will always be poorer and less educated than the national averages and 3) I - and most parents I know - want my kids to have more money and education than I do/I.e., have a "easier" life than I do; I consider myself and my kids to fit those demographics in ways that I am not proud of. For me, being poorer and less educated doesn't reflect poorly on the individuals who are those things, because there are a myriad of justifiable reasons for it, including cultural and societal factors and physical limitations. And, I, personally, don't think being either is something to be proud of. I have yet to see anyone outside of Sarah Palin and the Tea Party be proud of lack of education, and no one I know likes being poor, and given the incessant ranting against welfare and SNAP here (both of which I support), there are plenty of peas who are way more supposedly "classist" than you think I am. I am also not proud that I only speak one language fluently, or that I can't afford to fly with my family. I don't brag that we can't afford a single-family home, but live in a townhouse with a yard the size of a postage stamp. I don't consider that I didn't take Physics so can't help my son with it to be one of my best assets. So, anything I said, certainly applies to me too. People, overwhelmingly, are proud of what they DO have and how hard they work, not proud about what they don't have, including education and income. If stating that, wanting more for my kids, and not being proud of my deficits makes me classist, I guess I am. I will have to think on that.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 25, 2016 12:50:36 GMT
1. Sometimes with family we have to not necessarily compromise our values, but respectfully accommodate our people. It is human nature, I think, for the parent(s) of older kids to feel taken advantage of as young adults can be SO snottily selfish. The onus is on me as the parent to say something about how important it is for us to sometimes step outside of our little box to consider the wants, needs, and views of others. How kindly that gets done depends on the circumstances.... which leads me to... 2. I have two boys that can be kind, wonderful amazing young men. But you know what? They can also be brats, assholes and dicks. Sometimes I nicely tell them that their behavior is unkind and all that other blah blah blah parenting book suggestions for phrases that don't upset their psyche, but sometimes an asshole is just an asshole and needs to be told such... which leads me to... 3. I *do* live in a 'because I said so' house. I won't apologize for that-I am the mom, I run the show. Of course I have teenagers so the 'because I said so' years are pretty much in the past, but all this explaining ad nauseam as to why I said no makes me want to pull my hair out. I *do* live in a house that has rules, and sometimes they were 'my house my rules' without a lot of give. That is just my parenting style. It, however, has not been a detriment to the relationships I have with my children. I grew up in the same type house-part hippie, part old school south discipline and I live 20 miles from my parents. And funny thing? I just spent several days in a hotel room with my 69 year old mother who said 'because I said so' to ME at least once (about watching tv. )
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Post by myshelly on Jul 25, 2016 15:50:03 GMT
I NEVER said I would "cut them off". My entire family does live here. My husband's entire family does, too. I don't understand moving away. We do not all live within a couple of blocks. We live in different neighborhoods and in different cities. But we are all within about ten minutes of each other. But here I know A LOT of families like mine. I really don't think it's as atypical as the peas make it out to be. Research shows the average American lives 18 miles from mom: www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/12/24/upshot/24up-family.html?_r=0Yes, you did. There would be no more financial help. You may be rethinking it now, but you said it then. The article you linked used median, not mean (aka average), which showed that 50% of Americans now live within 18 miles of their parents. They went on to further explain that the 50% who lived close to their parents were less educated and poorer than those who moved away. If that makes you happy, so be it. I'm not sure that belonging to that demographic would make me particularly proud. "To some extent, people’s proximity to their parents is a reflection of opportunity: The biggest determinants of how far people venture from home are education and income. Those with college and professional degrees are much more likely to live farther from their parents than those with a high school education, in part because they have more job opportunities in big cities, and especially if spouses are juggling the career aspirations of two professionals." I never used the phrase cut them off. Perhaps that phrase means something different to you than it does to me.
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