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Post by SweetieBugs on Jul 22, 2016 20:55:45 GMT
I'm not vegan, but plant-based. I may not know her exact reason, but can guess. For true vegans, who are in it for animal-rights, the purchase of ANY animal products goes against the core of their beliefs. They don't want any part, even if it's not for them, of purchasing animal products. It would be like a Christian being asked to purchase a satanic book (or something similar) to bring home to someone else. It goes completely against their beliefs and they don't want any part of it. Yes, this is exactly her argument. She won't have anything to do with non-vegan items. I've been paying for her expensive vegan toiletries for over two years now as well. She does work part time so she would just say that she is earning the money to pay for them. However, her spending her work money on this just means that she isn't helping pay for her college. I'm feeling very disappointed that I raised such an inconsiderate, unbending child right now.
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Post by SweetieBugs on Jul 22, 2016 20:56:53 GMT
No, and she is being a brat. No more special treatment for her unless she apologizes and gets the cream. And I can relate. Sometimes my 21 yo ds makes the top of my head explode and he doesn't even live at home!!!! Good luck and hugs. I honestly think that sometimes these "adult" (wannabe) children have no idea how much they can hurt their parents because they are so wrapped up in their own little world. My ds IS a good kid, but sometimes........!!!! This time 10 is how I'm feeling. So hurt and disappointed.
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Post by hop2 on Jul 22, 2016 20:57:59 GMT
See that's my biggest WTF part of what vegan's seem to want. I was told that human need to 'just leave animals alone'. Well sorry that boat left the dock many centuries ago. At this point in history there are many domesticated animals who would not fare well outside of captivity. Like goats or cows who no longer have the attributes or the instincts required to survive sans human assistance. So what do we do with them? Let them all loose to be eaten? You can't just let them be, not now, not anymore. Do they not realize the complete ecological disaster that could create?
Don't get me wrong, I don't agree with huge commercial growing operations either. But responsible stewardship of domestic animal is sort of required at this point.
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Post by annabella on Jul 22, 2016 20:58:57 GMT
She could buy So delicious whipped cream which is vegan. You can make whipped cream from a package of full fat coconut milk by refrigerating it. As a vegetarian there would be no way I'd want to touch a package of meat, it's sheer and I can see the blood through it which often leaks onto the conveyor belt. But a product in a container, like soup or pasta sauce, I don't have an issue. I like Truwhip as an alternative to Coolwhip as it has better ingredients.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,589
Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Jul 22, 2016 20:59:06 GMT
Nope, not being unreasonable. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt and that she didn't care.
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scrapnnana
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,128
Jun 29, 2014 18:58:47 GMT
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Post by scrapnnana on Jul 22, 2016 20:59:12 GMT
She is being completely unreasonable.
I think it's time to talk about family members all being willing to help and cooperate, and let her know that her behavior is intolerant, ungrateful, and unreasonable considering that you have tried to be supportive of her lifestyle. Tolerance and respect are suppised to be a two way street, and her rigid refusal to buy the whipping cream means that you will now have to make a separate trip, which will add to the earth's pollution by driving to get it yourself. It will also take away the time that you would normally devote to cooking the vegan side dishes she prefers, so she will be completely on her own for cooking tonight. Depending on her response, it could be permanent.
Like it or not, she is not an only child. Your son deserves some consideration, too.
Oh, and if she is driving your car, then take away the keys. She shouldn't be able to use your car to run her errand but not yours.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 20:59:52 GMT
What does she wash her hair with? Is it all chemicals and no animal products? You can't be too careful. It's incredibly easy to buy vegan shampoo, it will say so on the bottle.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 5:59:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 21:00:03 GMT
My daughter (and her now wife) went vegetarian in April and then vegan at the beginning of the month. She spent most of May/June here at home. She *never* would have pulled this kind of rude behavior. Especially considering we were footing the bill for such grocery trips, including letting her buy whatever she needed in order to get the foods she needed to keep her vegetarian commitment.
There's commitment and there's respect. You've more than respected her commitment and she more than disrespected you in her behavior and blames her commitment. She wasn't bothered accepting your generous behaviors with your money, money that comes from a non-vegan.
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Deleted
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May 2, 2024 5:59:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 21:01:33 GMT
Calmly sit down and explain that there will be no more vegan meals and toiletry items from you. Not until she learns to be accomodating of others, even when she doesn't agree with their choices.
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Post by SweetieBugs on Jul 22, 2016 21:02:19 GMT
How does she handle cross contamination in the house with the knives, forks and spoons and glasses? I assume she needed all new plates and cutlery and drink wear. Does she use disposable chopsticks to eat? Might remind her of that, too. What does she wash her hair with? Is it all chemicals and no animal products? You can't be too careful. ETA I would have been shown the door if I had taken this attitude and told not to come back until I had a change of attitude. She purchases vegan items on Etsy or other websites--shampoo, soaps, deodorant and other things. She is very strict vegan--no honey or leather or anything animal related.
When cooking, I make sure I am using separate stirring spoons and spoon rests. The cooking process has to be very controller for her to be okay with it. The dishes go through our dishwasher and if she wasn't okay with that then I would have had a big problem with that 2 years ago. The separate cooking spoons I can accommodate and she is usually vocal about her appreciation for my thoughtfulness.
She seems to have a very hard line on the shopping. Just really sad and disappointed.
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Post by realm on Jul 22, 2016 21:02:46 GMT
How was she getting to the store to get what she needed but not the whipping cream? Because if she were planning to use a vehicle I was paying for that would very quickly no longer be an option for her.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,760
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Jul 22, 2016 21:04:51 GMT
Is she sharing rooms with others when she gets to Uni? She is going to get more of an education than the one she(you)have paid for.
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paigepea
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Jul 22, 2016 21:05:03 GMT
I guess it could depend on her reasons for going Vegan. If it has to do with animal rights than I guess she's trying to take a stand in her own way.
Rude - yes. But that isn't what is important to her on this issue. If it is that she really doesn't want to go to the store / help then I'd be really ticked off. If you think it's a moral issue then I guess I'd have to understand.
Eta - it sounds like maybe you should stop being so accommodating. Being vegan is far harder when you don't have someone cooking / shopping for you half of the time.
When DH and I got married there was an adjustment with food. He grew up kosher and I didn't. At first, it was fun accommodating him. Our house is kosher, of course, or else he couldn't eat in it. But some things he asked for I felt were beyond what I wanted to do. For example, he wanted to switch to Passover plates and have a fully cleaned kitchen (like majorly, with a fine tooth comb) at Passover time but I didn't grow up doing those things. To me they felt like overkill. He was totally disappointed. I said I was sorry and that he was welcome to change the dishes / clean and I would be supportive by not bringing non -Passover things into the house. In 14 years of marriage he has not once cleaned the kitchen and has only changed the dishes maybe 4 times/years (change for the holiday, then change back). After the first year I realized these things weren't overly important to him because he didn't do the chores. I guess those were only the traditions when I (or his mother - who continues to do these things to accommodate FIL ) did them. I do chuckle sometimes.
Maybe it's time to stop being so accommodating. We don't want to be door mats, even to someone we love.
I do continue to keep a kosher home, but I don't do everything he was used to growing up.
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Post by malibou on Jul 22, 2016 21:07:01 GMT
According to my vegan nephew, she is not living a vegan life style and therefore is expecting too much of others.
From my stand point, if she is basing her unwillingness on her animal rights feelings, I would be informing her of all the rooms in the house that are off limits due to animal products being in use. Any room with leather for starters.
J
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Deleted
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May 2, 2024 5:59:28 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 21:07:26 GMT
Just curious, as it has nothing to do with cooking, but do you have leather furniture in your home or leather seats in your car? Does she wear leather free shoes?
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Post by melanell on Jul 22, 2016 21:09:20 GMT
I do not feel you are being unreasonable. And that is coming from someone who lived a similar life to your daughter. I was not vegan, but I was living at home, as a vegetarian, and my mother was doing her very best to make my eating choices as easy as possible for me. Like you, she cooked vegetarian meals sometimes, or she made a portion of the meal vegetarian, or she at least provided vegetarian sides on most nights.
And if she asked me to pick up ground meat for her at the store, I would have done it. Despite my reasons for not wishing to consume or buy meat.
I have a hard time reconciling the idea that her beliefs are too strong for her to pick up whipping cream for you, but she can live and eat in your home where animal products are being regularly used and be okay with that. I am definitely not understanding where she is coming from with that, even if I did have a somewhat similar period of time in my life.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 21:10:56 GMT
She could buy So delicious whipped cream which is vegan. You can make whipped cream from a package of full fat coconut milk by refrigerating it. A s a vegetarian there would be no way I'd want to touch a package of meat, it's sheer and I can see the blood through it which often leaks onto the conveyor belt. But a product in a container, like soup or pasta sauce, I don't have an issue. I like Truwhip as an alternative to Coolwhip as it has better ingredients. I think that's understandable and at least somewhat reasonable. If that was the situation, I could easily see both sides.
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Post by blarneygirl on Jul 22, 2016 21:11:25 GMT
If you had asked her to select a pork tenderloin or something of that sort, and she had objections, I could understand. I can't understand picking up a carton of whipping cream. She eats in the same kitchen where meat is prepared and served. I think she needs to get over herself. That would be the end of meal accommodation for me. I might even be tempted to sprinkle some cheese into things I may not have in the past.
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LeaP
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,939
Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101
Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT
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Post by LeaP on Jul 22, 2016 21:14:49 GMT
~~~Validation~~~ She was being unreasonable. My two daughters recently accused me of "slut shaming" for suggesting it is better to cover your belly when traveling on public transportation. I was hopping mad. A week later my eldest got issued a long list of guidelines for the cheer team that make my guidelines seem slutty. I have been rubbing it in ever since. SaveSave
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jul 22, 2016 21:15:07 GMT
How does she handle cross contamination in the house with the knives, forks and spoons and glasses? I assume she needed all new plates and cutlery and drink wear. Does she use disposable chopsticks to eat? Might remind her of that, too. What does she wash her hair with? Is it all chemicals and no animal products? You can't be too careful. ETA I would have been shown the door if I had taken this attitude and told not to come back until I had a change of attitude. She purchases vegan items on Etsy or other websites--shampoo, soaps, deodorant and other things. She is very strict vegan--no honey or leather or anything animal related.
When cooking, I make sure I am using separate stirring spoons and spoon rests. The cooking process has to be very controller for her to be okay with it. The dishes go through our dishwasher and if she wasn't okay with that then I would have had a big problem with that 2 years ago. The separate cooking spoons I can accommodate and she is usually vocal about her appreciation for my thoughtfulness.
She seems to have a very hard line on the shopping. Just really sad and disappointed. The house will still smell like chicken and beef and pork. If you make an omelet the frying pan would be contaminated. I deal with zealots in my religion who have similar beliefs and I make sure that they know I had a dog, and I cook pork on my BBQ and if they don't like it the door is on the main level or better yet don't come over at all. I am sorry this just rubs me the wrong way. I have dealt with some stupid attitudes with regards to halal cooking and the woman made herself go and vomit the food up. It was the last time I spoke to her. I have to bow out. I am so sorry that she hurt you like this and my heart hurts reading her words. You have love from me.
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Post by wallyagain on Jul 22, 2016 21:19:56 GMT
I'm so sorry, it's tough when your kids disappoint you like that, particularly when you raised them to know better.
I'm afraid she'd be cooking her stuff from now and footing the bill.
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Post by hop2 on Jul 22, 2016 21:23:41 GMT
How expensive is the vegan dishwasher soap? Laundry detergent? Lol the easy to buy brand here is quite pricey.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Jul 22, 2016 21:25:48 GMT
I'm not vegan, but plant-based. I may not know her exact reason, but can guess. For true vegans, who are in it for animal-rights, the purchase of ANY animal products goes against the core of their beliefs. They don't want any part, even if it's not for them, of purchasing animal products. It would be like a Christian being asked to purchase a satanic book (or something similar) to bring home to someone else. It goes completely against their beliefs and they don't want any part of it. That's understandable, but a Christian wouldn't sit at the table of a satan worshiper and let them prepare all of their meals for the past 2.5 years either. Exactly. She is rude and out of line. Regardless of her beliefs. If she feels so strongly she should move out
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Post by Lexica on Jul 22, 2016 21:26:15 GMT
No, it is not unreasonable at all. She is being a self-centered little brat. You are not asking her to eat the whipping cream, you are just asking her to pick it up for you.
My immediate reaction to this is that if she is so appalled by the idea of touching a container of whipping cream, then I imagine even sleeping in the same house as those that consume meat would be too traumatic for her. She needs to be sleeping outside instead. Do you have a cot? Set it up in the backyard so she can be as far away from you meat eaters. And does she own any leather items? I'd be helping her by tossing all those repulsive leather items like shoes, purses, iPad case, etc. in the trash.
My car has leather seats. She would never drive it again. Does she have her own car? And if so, does she pay for it herself? If you are helping her, that needs to stop too. Your meat-eating hands should not be paying any tainted money for anything that comes in contact with her anymore. That goes for anything you have been paying for. It is blood money. She probably wants no part of it.f
Yep, set her free by moving her into the backyard where she can commune with nature and think about how she is going to start making enough money to pay her own way from here on out. It is the kind thing to do.
Yes, I would say you have raised a brat. I have one of those too.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Jul 22, 2016 21:27:40 GMT
I'm not vegan, but plant-based. I may not know her exact reason, but can guess. For true vegans, who are in it for animal-rights, the purchase of ANY animal products goes against the core of their beliefs. They don't want any part, even if it's not for them, of purchasing animal products. It would be like a Christian being asked to purchase a satanic book (or something similar) to bring home to someone else. It goes completely against their beliefs and they don't want any part of it. Yes, this is exactly her argument. She won't have anything to do with non-vegan items. I've been paying for her expensive vegan toiletries for over two years now as well. She does work part time so she would just say that she is earning the money to pay for them. However, her spending her work money on this just means that she isn't helping pay for her college. I'm feeling very disappointed that I raised such an inconsiderate, unbending child right now.Vegang beauty products are such bullshit. I especially balk at the not tested on animals. No. They personally dont. They just use previous years of science to create their products but someone had to test them on animals before they could market it.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jul 22, 2016 21:29:27 GMT
I just want to say you're a really good mom for bending over backwards for her way of eating and beliefs. No one I know would do all the things you've done to accommodate her.
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Post by christine58 on Jul 22, 2016 21:31:23 GMT
Yes, this is exactly her argument. She won't have anything to do with non-vegan items. I've been paying for her expensive vegan toiletries for over two years now as well. She does work part time so she would just say that she is earning the money to pay for them. However, her spending her work money on this just means that she isn't helping pay for her college. I'm feeling very disappointed that I raised such an inconsiderate, unbending child right now. Oh hell NO....let her pay for her own vegan toiletries. Maybe she needs a full time job when not in school. Yeah she's a brat/
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2016 21:31:27 GMT
You daughter is rude. I would have nipped it in the bud 2.5 years ago though. I would let her know vegan is no longer an acceptable choice in MY house. If she is going to impose her philosophy to the point she refuses to be helpful she can go finance her own dinner table.
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Post by christine58 on Jul 22, 2016 21:34:16 GMT
How was she getting to the store to get what she needed but not the whipping cream? Because if she were planning to use a vehicle I was paying for that would very quickly no longer be an option for her. Wait...she drives RIGHT??? Well there are animal products in cars!!
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Post by papersilly on Jul 22, 2016 21:37:10 GMT
That was very unreasonable of HER.
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