katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,447
Jun 25, 2014 23:25:39 GMT
|
Post by katybee on Apr 11, 2017 22:49:45 GMT
But why does it have to be a "celebration"? Why can't it be a… Listen – I know this is a scary thing. Let's talk about it. It's not that bad. Well, actually, it sucks. But let's do something fun. Let's go shopping and watch chick flicks on TV. Not to mark the occasion. Not a party. Not a celebration. Just a mom and her daughter spending time together trying to navigate this new "thing."
Some of the responses on this thread make it seem like mothers throw sanitary supplies at their daughters and say it's a bodily function – get over it.
And, no, girls probably don't like talking about it. But hey, they probably don't like talking about sex with their mothers either. Are you going to avoid that too? Because that's a sure fire way to end up with a pregnant daughter…
FTR, I do not think the beginning of your period is an entrance to womanhood. I began my period when I was 11. I still played with Barbies and read Magic Treehouse books. I was NOT a woman...
|
|
|
Post by librarylady on Apr 12, 2017 0:46:31 GMT
I began the summer I was age 11. By the time I was in high school I had terrible cramps each month, to the point of vomiting. Periods were every 32 days, but heavy and lasted a week....That continued until I was age 21, got married and began taking the BC pill. Sweet hallijulah! No cramps! A 5 day period! ....and when I got off the pill, that first month, the pain was like it had saved all the pain for 7 years and was inflicting it NOW. OMG....After I had a child, the cramps left. Even with all that, I saw it as just a part of nature and a body function. No reason to celebrate or announce to the world. Years ago, our neighbor told me when her daughter had her first period. I felt bad for the daughter, who was visibly embarrassed. You went through all that and never discussed it with your sisters? I can't imagine. I have 7 sisters.. they taught me how to use a tampon.. and we shared the ups and downs of perimenopause, and when our daughters started (mine started quite late so it was good to hear other experiences). To each, their own and no one should feel they have to discuss it with anyone. From this thread and this is not meant to you Librarylady. There still seems to be a lot of negative feelings around women having their periods. I think that is too bad. I didn't "love" having mine... especially the last few years, but I appreciated what it represented to me as a woman. I think when we are uncomfortable talking about things they become taboo and often hidden, and they can be shameful. Shame is such a horrible and unnecessary emotion. I also have 7 sisters, and perhaps it is because of the culture of the time, but we just did not discuss such a personal thing. Fem. hygiene products were NOT advertised on TV or radio. The word "fart" was known in my family, but it was not a word said in polite company. We were/are not a snooty high brow family-- a farming family...but my mother tried to instill manners and polite social behavior. In today's world, it probably would be discussed. When we get together now there are few topics that are off limits. But in 1956, it just was not done. In Dec. of that year, I had side cramps and when I told my mother I was having these pains etc. she told me I was probably getting ready to have a period. I had no idea what it was--she told me she had a book for me. She went to her bedroom and got out a little pamphlet printed by the Kotex company. It explained things. She told me to read the book and if I had any questions, she would answer. In a day or two, after reading it several times--I gave it back and told her I understood. She told me she would get me supplies. I didn't actually begin to have a period until mid summer, told her I had started, she gave me the supplies and that was that. A couple of times when I was in HS, I came home with severe cramps. No one suggested a cure for that--heating pad, and aspirin was all that was offered. When I was in college--same routine. I eventually learned that lying in a hot bath helped with the pain, but nothing really helped.
|
|
|
Post by librarylady on Apr 12, 2017 0:54:21 GMT
Period Party: When I was in an all female college one of our dorm residents quit having period when she came to college. I am sure it was stress. When she went home at Christmas, she visited her family doctor who checked things out and told her he was sure it was stress and not to worry, it would happen and things would be OK. By then, she had gone 4-5 months with no period. I can't remember if she told us prior to her return in January or not. But, eventually she did share with us and we all semi-worried with her. I'm not sure how much time passed but one day she told her roommate that she was finally having a period again. Of course, word spread around our little wing of the dorm.
So, we decided to give her a party. The dorm had a small room where we could gather during the time we were supposed to be studying...........We decorated it with pads and tampons and signs such as "Mama said there'd be days like this" and any silliness we could think of. Had sodas, popcorn, lots of laughs and sent Pat encouragement.......
|
|
|
Post by *KAS* on Apr 12, 2017 1:15:10 GMT
All I can say is that I will never forget the day I started. My brother and sister and I were supposed to go swimming in the neighbor's pool (which I LOVED!!!) and bam. There it was. At the time it was the saddest day of my 12 yr life, LOL! Similar. I was at the beach in Daytona with my parents. Telling me about tampons would have been great instead of being stuck at the beach with no option to swim. (But she never used them so maybe she didn't know). Or you know, explaining about cramps or even buying pads made for a teenager and not a mom. But other than that, no celebration necessary. I did my own research thanks to the 'free tampon' offer from OB in 17 magazine. I don't think my mom and I ever talked about it other than I suppose I must have told her when I needed more supplies.
|
|
|
Post by Skellinton on Apr 12, 2017 1:51:56 GMT
These threads always crack me up. And please do not try to tell me you've never heard of a special "celebration" to mark the event, because this is exactly the THIRD thread I've participated on...and I'll give the same reply... I cannot believe that so many people think it's GROSS to talk about your period. Yet another example of how women have been shamed over the years. That feeling has been so deeply imbedded in us that we think it's normal--that it's shameful and should be hidden. I'm not saying you should throw a party or announce it on Facebook, or make your daughter a crown of flowers and dance under the moon. But it can be very traumatizing to have blood suddenly start coming out of your hoo-ha. Why would you ever just throw a tampon at her and say "deal with it"? And if your daughters are ashamed to talk with you about it, you've already made them feel like it's a SHAMEFUL thing. My mom took the day off from work, I got to stay home from school. We, like someone else said, went on a little shopping trip and to lunch. And we watched movies. it made me feel loved. I hate my period and am more than ready to be done. I hate the hassle, the cramps, the PMS--but I am not ashamed of a biological function. That, to me, is the weird thing... I don't discuss my sex life with my mom, not because I am ashamed either. I don't think just because you don't celebrate your first period or have meaningful talks with your parents about your period means it is because you are ashamed. That is a huge leap, in my mind. I don't discuss any bathroom functions with anyone except my doctor- and then only if I need too, again, that doesn't mean I am ashamed. Having your period is normal, but it is gross. Blood coming out of you in any size, shape or form is gross to me. Do you discuss bowel movements with people? If not, is it because you are ashamed? When you discuss giving birth do you go into all the details of the disgusting things that happen? Is that because you are ashamed?
|
|
|
Post by merry on Apr 12, 2017 1:53:51 GMT
Interesting thread for me to read as a women's health provider. For moms that are uncomfortable dealing with this - don't be afraid to take your kiddo to a pediatrician that specializes in adolescents or a young female gynecologist. I helped several young women learn how to use a tampon and explain their anatomy when their mom couldn't.
My own DD was 10 - lots of hugs and reassurance. And I went out and bought lots of different supplies for her to try and see what she liked. Not cheap, but I think it gave her some element of control to see what she thought was best for her. That was it. Just an opportunity to repeat how she can come to me to talk about anything anytime.
|
|
|
Post by scrapnatya on Apr 12, 2017 2:54:30 GMT
We didn't "celebrate" but I did turn the TLC volume up when both my DD's got theirs. I have 2 nieces that are 10 yrs older than my girls and we are regularly mentioning...I just don't feel good because I have my period or I am craving pizza because I'm getting my period etc... I have never made it seem like anything to be ashamed about and my daughters now feel the same.
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 12, 2017 3:00:02 GMT
While everyone is sharing their opinions/stories.. I feel like there should be a celebration for the last period a woman ever gets!! Like a trip to Hawaii or Italy!! Now that I would be in for 1000%!! I could definitely get on board with that kind of a celebration!
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 12, 2017 3:02:25 GMT
Seems like kind of both really. There is the whole "push" present... About that... yeah, right. Mine was a BABY. And a c-section because pushing didn't work!
|
|
|
Post by candleangie on Apr 12, 2017 5:47:21 GMT
Why do people do this to their daughters?
Make no mistake...this is NOT for the kid. The kid is insanely uncomfortable.
|
|
|
Post by AussieMeg on Apr 12, 2017 6:22:11 GMT
I cannot believe that so many people think it's GROSS to talk about your period. Yet another example of how women have been shamed over the years. That feeling has been so deeply imbedded in us that we think it's normal--that it's shameful and should be hidden. I'll have to go back and re-read the thread because I can't remember anyone saying that they don’t talk about it or that it's gross to talk about it. Several people mentioned that their mother didn’t talk about it back when they were kids. My mum barely talked about it with me, other to say that I may get cramps and here’s a packet of pads. (I had to steal her tampons for quite some time before I finally started buying my own.) My kids – both my daughter and my son – knew about periods and pads and tampons from a very early age, like about 4yo. However my DD was really stressed about it, and actually cried the first few times I tried to teach her how to use tampons. She would have been mortified about “celebrating” her period. ( @zingermack I did actually suggest to DD that we go out to commemorate the occasion but she wouldn’t have a bar of it! )
|
|
|
Post by amblet on Apr 12, 2017 6:36:03 GMT
It is exactly the type of thing my hippy mother would have celebrated which is why, when I got my first period at ripe old age of 9, I chose to keep it to myself. Do we have the same mother? Then when my 3 girls started she wanted to know what we were doing for them. Umm nothing. Except buying an assortment of pads so they could figure out which ones they liked most. And a labor and delivery nurse mother talk explaining how to use a tampon.
|
|
paigepea
Drama Llama
Enter your message here...
Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
|
Post by paigepea on Apr 12, 2017 13:41:13 GMT
Such an interesting thread for me to read because my dd is 11 and she won't let me talk to her about her period. I know she gets good talks about it at school and I sneak in something here or there. I'm sending her to camp for 1 month before her 12 birthday and I think I'll send her with supplies just in case. But if she were home, id probably do the day off school/shopping/lunch thing so she gets a day to digest the info /figure it out with me to talk to. I also hate my period and have been on the pill for numerous years. I'd put her on right away if it were socially acceptable. I stack the pill so no period anymore.
On a side note, older dd danced in a showcase with kids from many studios last weekend. I was in the audience and remember a solo acro dancer who wore a nude unitard. She stood on her hands, pointed her legs to the audience, opened her legs and held that position. What a great accomplishment, but she had her period and had leaked through her nude costume. Dd has been dancing for 6 years and I've never seen anything like that. I don't know if I should tell dd (so she learns how important it is to be careful) or not tell her (for fear of traumatizing her and scaring her forever). That was basically my nightmare coming true in from of an audience.
Paige.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 0:31:03 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2017 14:21:58 GMT
Make no mistake...this is NOT for the kid. This.
|
|
|
Post by ktdoesntscrap on Apr 12, 2017 14:25:09 GMT
Why do people do this to their daughters? Make no mistake...this is NOT for the kid. The kid is insanely uncomfortable. I think that is a pretty big assumption. I assume that the OP knows her daughter well enough to know if she would be insanely uncomfortable. My daughter certainly wasn't uncomfortable. We have the type of relationship where we can talk about anything. I think it is a rite of passage. And as such it's okay to acknowledge it as such.
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Apr 12, 2017 16:22:52 GMT
Yep - if there's one thing I learned from this thread it's that people like to make assumptions and demands - ie "don't do it" vs. just leaving it at "Hmmm. Not for me, so no ideas for you". And that they don't read very carefully, if at all, before throwing up their responses. You just learned that in this thread? Come on, you hang out in the political threads....every bad habit we Peas have is 10X amplified in those, LOL! Save
|
|
|
Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 12, 2017 17:52:47 GMT
But why does it have to be a "celebration"? Why can't it be a… Listen – I know this is a scary thing. Let's talk about it. It's not that bad. Well, actually, it sucks. But let's do something fun. Let's go shopping and watch chick flicks on TV. Not to mark the occasion. Not a party. Not a celebration. Just a mom and her daughter spending time together trying to navigate this new "thing." Some of the responses on this thread make it seem like mothers throw sanitary supplies at their daughters and say it's a bodily function – get over it. And, no, girls probably don't like talking about it. But hey, they probably don't like talking about sex with their mothers either. Are you going to avoid that too? Because that's a sure fire way to end up with a pregnant daughter… FTR, I do not think the beginning of your period is an entrance to womanhood. I began my period when I was 11. I still played with Barbies and read Magic Treehouse books. I was NOT a woman... Hmm... there's a huge gulf in my world between discussing sex with your children and having a celebration for them when they lose their virginity.
|
|
katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,447
Jun 25, 2014 23:25:39 GMT
|
Post by katybee on Apr 12, 2017 21:44:20 GMT
But why does it have to be a "celebration"? Why can't it be a… Listen – I know this is a scary thing. Let's talk about it. It's not that bad. Well, actually, it sucks. But let's do something fun. Let's go shopping and watch chick flicks on TV. Not to mark the occasion. Not a party. Not a celebration. Just a mom and her daughter spending time together trying to navigate this new "thing." Some of the responses on this thread make it seem like mothers throw sanitary supplies at their daughters and say it's a bodily function – get over it. And, no, girls probably don't like talking about it. But hey, they probably don't like talking about sex with their mothers either. Are you going to avoid that too? Because that's a sure fire way to end up with a pregnant daughter… FTR, I do not think the beginning of your period is an entrance to womanhood. I began my period when I was 11. I still played with Barbies and read Magic Treehouse books. I was NOT a woman... Hmm... there's a huge gulf in my world between discussing sex with your children and having a celebration for them when they lose their virginity. Again...didn't say if had to be a "celebration."
|
|
|
Post by kimpossible on Apr 12, 2017 22:27:08 GMT
Oh I am SOOO glad my mother didn't "celebrate" this with me. Dear god WHY??? My thoughts exactly! I was not excited about this, did not want to celebrate, didn't want anyone to know about it, etc. The last thing would be having a party or weekend away. Now that its gone thanks to menopause, I can see having a celebration!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 0:31:03 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2017 22:32:02 GMT
Such an interesting thread for me to read because my dd is 11 and she won't let me talk to her about her period. I know she gets good talks about it at school and I sneak in something here or there. I'm sending her to camp for 1 month before her 12 birthday and I think I'll send her with supplies just in case. But if she were home, id probably do the day off school/shopping/lunch thing so she gets a day to digest the info /figure it out with me to talk to. I also hate my period and have been on the pill for numerous years. I'd put her on right away if it were socially acceptable. I stack the pill so no period anymore. On a side note, older dd danced in a showcase with kids from many studios last weekend. I was in the audience and remember a solo acro dancer who wore a nude unitard. She stood on her hands, pointed her legs to the audience, opened her legs and held that position. What a great accomplishment, but she had her period and had leaked through her nude costume. Dd has been dancing for 6 years and I've never seen anything like that. I don't know if I should tell dd (so she learns how important it is to be careful) or not tell her (for fear of traumatizing her and scaring her forever). That was basically my nightmare coming true in from of an audience. Paige. I just about lost it when 3 girls were screamed at for spotting their costumes! Older women know this happens and a correct response is let me help you clean up. I did make my opinion known, and got kicked out backstage, then out of volunteering. I still believe productions need to have wipes and supplies handy and no girl so be afraid to ask for them.
|
|
|
Post by cadoodlebug on Apr 13, 2017 0:40:05 GMT
I was in 8th grade and remember the day like it was yesterday ~ and that was 55 years ago. My mom hadn't thought to buy me my own supplies and figured when I started I would just use my sisters or her belt until we could get to the store. Of course I started and they were both using their belt so I spent the first day with a napkin pinned to my underwear. Very memorable but we laughed about it for years. ETA: And my dad was my hero. He would walk into the Navy Exchange and buy a box of 48 Kotex. That is one big box.
|
|
|
Post by Belia on Apr 13, 2017 4:13:23 GMT
Awwww.... I think it's kind of sweet. Like it or not, it is a rite of passage and if your DD would appreciate marking it somehow, I think that's nice.
I would definitely follow her lead though. But you know your DD best!
|
|
julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
|
Post by julieb on Apr 13, 2017 11:41:25 GMT
My celebration was my sister walking out on our patio, where my parents were hosting a small party and annoucing to everyone that "Julie got her period". I went to her since my Mom was busy. I was mortified. Now we laugh, but in no way did I want any more attention brought to me.
|
|
|
Post by debmast on Apr 13, 2017 11:48:23 GMT
Oh I am SOOO glad my mother didn't "celebrate" this with me. Dear god WHY??? This made me laugh so hard, and I'm sure both my girls would agree. Here's how it went down in our house with both. Thing 1 (or 2) "Mom, I started today." Me "Oh, okay. Do you have everything you need?" Thing 2 (or 2) "Yep, I'm good." Me "Okay, let me know when you run out and need more." The End
|
|
Why
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,168
Jun 26, 2014 4:03:09 GMT
|
Post by Why on Apr 13, 2017 11:53:05 GMT
My daughter would have loved some kind of mom and me 'special' time. Too bad I didn't think of it.
|
|
|
Post by debmast on Apr 13, 2017 12:11:24 GMT
Oh I am SOOO glad my mother didn't "celebrate" this with me. Dear god WHY??? This made me laugh so hard, and I'm sure both my girls would agree. Here's how it went down in our house with both. Thing 1 (or 2) "Mom, I started today." Me "Oh, okay. Do you have everything you need?" Thing 2 (or 2) "Yep, I'm good." Me "Okay, let me know when you run out and need more." The End I will add on to my own comment, that I had previously set them both down and had discussions about having their period. They read "The Care and Keeping of You" and we discussed many things from that book (not just their period). Neither of them were afraid or freaked out by it's arrival. They knew it would be coming, what to do and what to expect.
|
|