grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
|
Post by grinningcat on Feb 20, 2015 15:02:20 GMT
You are getting a lot of misinformation here, so be careful. You may want to do a little research prior to your meeting so you have an idea of the facts. If your marriage is performed by a priest or deacon, it is indeed a valid marriage in the Catholic church and is a sacrament. The issue is that as Catholics (if you were baptized Catholic, even you are considered a cradle Catholic), marriage is considered a sacrament. In order for it to be a sacrament, you must be in a state of grace and enter into the marriage with the proper intent and the full blessings of the Church. That includes raising any children Catholic. If one partner is not Catholic, the marriage is still considered a sacrament, as long as it has been agreed to by the bishop and is performed under the Catholic rites. A marriage performed or blessed by an Episcopal, Methodist, Christian minister is not considered a valid marriage because it has not been blessed by the Church. A Catholic marriage must take place on consecrated ground. I'm not sure if outdoor spaces exist--that will be a question to ask at the meeting. You can have a ceremony; you do not need to have a mass. It can be as short as 10 minutes. You can also have your marriage convalidated after the fact (what many consider to "have your marriage blessed.") You still need to go through the same steps as a marriage. It is just done separately, usually well after the actual marriage. Good luck. I will add on a personal note, that I would encourage you to be honest in your meeting. Whether or not the priest is a family friend is neither here nor there. As far as any short cuts, some parishes may be more lenient than others, but pretty much all need to follow the basic doctrinal laws in a marriage. Oh I know I am getting information from all over the place here. It's what I wanted. I wanted anecdotal experience just to get an idea. I won't know anything for sure until we have this meeting. I will be honest, I promise. I'll also be nice about it, even if things are said that I don't like. I really want to say again that I really appreciate everyone's perspectives, ideas and suggestions. It's helping me work through this and get a feeling of calm rather than bother. If it makes FH happy to have a priest do the ceremony (him not his mother), then I will slap on a big smile (that won't be hard) and do it. But it has to be for him... no one else.
|
|
|
Post by Basket1lady on Feb 20, 2015 15:07:28 GMT
If your marriage is performed by a priest or deacon, it is indeed a valid marriage in the Catholic church and is a sacrament. It is not a sacrament unless you are baptized in a religion the Catholic Church recognizes. So if you are a Lutheran and a Catholic, it is a sacrament. If you are unbaptized and a Catholic, it is not a sacrament. Interesting. I thought that it was a sacrament for the Catholic (who would be baptized because you can't be Catholic without baptism), but not for the non baptized person. I'm looking up some sources for Grinningcat now. Hopefully it will help her go into the meeting more prepared.
|
|
grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
|
Post by grinningcat on Feb 20, 2015 15:09:21 GMT
For the record, I was baptized, first communioned and confirmed into the Catholic church. But I have been out of standing for decades. So I have the sacrements, just not the beliefs or the current standing.
|
|
garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,728
Location: So. Calif.
Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
|
Post by garcia5050 on Feb 20, 2015 15:12:13 GMT
I thought you couldn't have a catholic ceremony, and have it be a sacrament unless both have done the previous sacraments, such as baptism, communion, and confirmation?
I also don't like the whole hour long (or more) ceremony, but I did have a catholic ceremony, more at the request of my mother. I wanted the shortest mass possible, and I got it. My catholic wedding took 20 minutes. No homily, no bells or whistles (no lasso ar arras, nor any of the other traditional mexican wedding ceremony traditions). I have no regrets about the catholic wedding. My mom was super happy, and it was rare to see her that way.
|
|
|
Post by Basket1lady on Feb 20, 2015 15:17:38 GMT
For the record, I was baptized, first communioned and confirmed into the Catholic church. But I have been out of standing for decades. So I have the sacrements, just not the beliefs or the current standing. If I'm not mistaken, all you would need to do is to go to confession to be in a state of grace, assuming your fiance has all those sacraments as well. Unless either of you are divorced? That would open up a lot more discussion! I found this website. It seems to be a valid website, done through bishops. It may answer a lot of your questions. For Your Marriage--US Conference of American Bishops
|
|
|
Post by auntkelly on Feb 20, 2015 15:40:50 GMT
My husband is a devout Catholic. I am very religious, but I was raised a Southern Baptist. When our relationship began to get serious, I told my future husband that I would never convert, but I would attend the Catholic church with him and I would raise our kids Catholic.
We married 25 years ago in a chapel at the university my husband attended. My husband's very traditional Catholic priest presided and we had a traditional Catholic ceremony for when a Catholic marries a nonCathlic. The ceremony only lasted about 40 minutes.
I lived up to all my promises and I still attend the Catholic Church w/ my husband and I raised my kids Catholic. I would like to say religion was never an issue in our marriage, but that just wouldn't be the truth. However, we have worked through our differences and have agreed to disagree on certain things, while celebrating our common beliefs.
I think the thing that you might really need to think about is that it seems very important for your fiancé to please his family and have a Catholic priest present, when you don't really want a priest to marry you. It sounds like you don't really believe his story that the priest is an old friend, and your fiancé is very conflicted between trying to please you and please his mother. Believe me, if you do have children, the wedding issues are going to seem like nothing compared to all the religious issues that arise when you have kids. If you are anything like my husband and I, you are both thinking the other party will mellow after marriage, which wasn't the case for us.
I would highly recommend that you and your fiancé find someone who can help you talk through these issues. You might be surprised about how objective the right priest can be.
I'm sorry this post is so long. Whatever you decide about the wedding, I wish you much happiness in your marriage.
|
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on Feb 20, 2015 15:42:05 GMT
From what I understand, they will expect you to take marriage prep lessons, and will charge you through the nose for it. Some young people I know were disgusted by the money grubbing aspect of this.
|
|
grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
|
Post by grinningcat on Feb 20, 2015 15:48:10 GMT
For the record, I was baptized, first communioned and confirmed into the Catholic church. But I have been out of standing for decades. So I have the sacrements, just not the beliefs or the current standing. If I'm not mistaken, all you would need to do is to go to confession to be in a state of grace, assuming your fiance has all those sacraments as well. Unless either of you are divorced? That would open up a lot more discussion! I found this website. It seems to be a valid website, done through bishops. It may answer a lot of your questions. For Your Marriage--US Conference of American BishopsThanks. I'm guessing these things do not vary country to country so it has some helpful information! Thanks!
|
|
grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
|
Post by grinningcat on Feb 20, 2015 15:56:51 GMT
My husband is a devout Catholic. I am very religious, but I was raised a Southern Baptist. When our relationship began to get serious, I told my future husband that I would never convert, but I would attend the Catholic church with him and I would raise our kids Catholic. We married 25 years ago in a chapel at the university my husband attended. My husband's very traditional Catholic priest presided and we had a traditional Catholic ceremony for when a Catholic marries a nonCathlic. The ceremony only lasted about 40 minutes. I lived up to all my promises and I still attend the Catholic Church w/ my husband and I raised my kids Catholic. I would like to say religion was never an issue in our marriage, but that just wouldn't be the truth. However, we have worked through our differences and have agreed to disagree on certain things, while celebrating our common beliefs. I think the thing that you might really need to think about is that it seems very important for your fiancé to please his family and have a Catholic priest present, when you don't really want a priest to marry you. It sounds like you don't really believe his story that the priest is an old friend, and your fiancé is very conflicted between trying to please you and please his mother. Believe me, if you do have children, the wedding issues are going to seem like nothing compared to all the religious issues that arise when you have kids. If you are anything like my husband and I, you are both thinking the other party will mellow after marriage, which wasn't the case for us. I would highly recommend that you and your fiancé find someone who can help you talk through these issues. You might be surprised about how objective the right priest can be. I'm sorry this post is so long. Whatever you decide about the wedding, I wish you much happiness in your marriage. I don't really buy the "this priest is an old family friend" story because there was never mention of him before his mother told him that she didn't care what we did but she would like to see us married by a priest. There were other occasions before this where a priest who is a family friend would have naturally been brought up (a confirmation, easter celebration, a funeral) but nary a mention. Which is why I question it. Well, that and when I question how he fit into my FH's life, it's really only been that he thinks all the couples in the family have been married by this guy. So I don't really buy that he's a friend. As I said, if this priest was truly someone who had seen my FH grow up and knew him, I wouldn't question it. But that doesn't seem to be the case. I don't think he's conflicted in the way you think. He never goes to church (I've told him to go if he wants after people like his aunt or grandparents ask why he never goes) and doesn't really have or express a desire to. I think his desire to go see this priest to marry us comes from his desire for his parents to stop criticizing what we're doing because it's not what they want us to do (even though they say that traditionally they have no say because the bride plans it and they are just on the bus for the ride but then try to tell us what to do... drives me crazy). Honestly, I don't like how they treat him most of the time so I don't really understand why he's trying to please them with this (he's repeatedly said since we signed the contract at a place that is not "approved" by them that he doesn't care, they aren't paying, they have no say). And if we had kids (doubtful, but who knows) and he wants to raise them Catholic, I won't stop him. But it will be on his plate and his responsibility to do so. So I don't know if we need to talk to someone to get through this. I do think that some kind of marriage prep might be handy (though I'm really not one of those touchy feely therapy types for me. Works for others I know, I just don't get it) but who knows. I'll go see what this priest has to say and then we'll sit down and figure it out from there. Religion has never played any role in our relationship, other than going to family events like his cousin's confirmation, so I don't really understand why he'd want it to play a role in our wedding since it doesn't reflect anything of who we are but more reflects who other people want us to be and by giving in on this I feel like we might be giving them an in to interfere in other aspects to make us who they want us to be versus who we actually are. Maybe that's the actual root of my issue with this meeting.
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 20, 2015 16:04:46 GMT
grinningcat...I think that's really a smart way to look at it. I would want my wedding to be what I want it to be. I very much was pressured by my mother to have a wedding in the Catholic church. I regret that I didn't have the wedding that I wanted. I think it should reflect who the two of you are, not what someone else wants you to be.
|
|
|
Post by cbet on Feb 20, 2015 16:05:40 GMT
A few years ago, my cousin's wedding was in a park - she was a practicing Catholic, as was her husband-to-be, and her priest would not perform the ceremony because it was not inside the church. They went back a year or so later to have it blessed by the priest.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 7, 2024 17:54:40 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2015 16:18:00 GMT
Bear in mind if you plan to have children and not raise them as Catholics I would start dropping BIG hints now (or just straight tell her) so future MIL is well warned ahead of time of your intentions. So very true. To be honest, I would leave that up to FH. If he wants to raise them as such, it will be his responsibility. I will expose them to a variety of religions and beliefs but if he wants them Catholic, that's all on him. That is, if we have kids. This is where you might get your wish of not having to fulfill your future MILs wishes. While many non Catholics have been married by priests in a Catholic church, the non Catholic usually has to agree that they will actively raise any children of the marriage in the Catholic faith. Fellow Catholics, correct me if I have this wrong. Honestly? I'm thinking this is the time to stand up and say this doesn't work for you. You're an atheist so why would you even consider this?
|
|
|
Post by mrsscrapdiva on Feb 20, 2015 16:22:05 GMT
If the good friend that is retired will not do it, you may need to shop around. Many, well most have their own "rules" even though they are all Catholic, they do things each a little differently (like everyone said above) It seems like it should just be a simple thing, but it is not and you may feel like there is a lot of red tape just to appease everyone. kwim?
We ran into these obstacles because I am Catholic and DH is not. We got a lot of parishes that wanted us to join aka give money as my dh calls it, attend weekly for at least 6 months and then they would talk about dates for the wedding. We ended up getting married in a perfect stone chapel in the woods with a hired pastor from an Episcopalian church. Even with that though we had to go to one or two marriage classes. We got some flack from my family beforehand but once married, it was all good...until we had children. Then of course the issue of baptism came up. So then we did have to join a parish and attend weekly. We did that and then religious ed (Catholic) for 1st reconciliation and 1st Communion. They still send notices occasionally for dh to become a Catholic.
Right now we are not going to weekly church or religious ed. My dh is not religious or Catholic, as stated above, so this is not important to him. I could be swayed to go more often but because that silent battle exists between the two of us, it was easier for me to throw in the towel and just not do it right now. Honestly I didn't think religion would play any role in our marriage, but the older I get, the more it does.
|
|
back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
|
Post by back to *pea*ality on Feb 20, 2015 16:22:20 GMT
From what I understand, they will expect you to take marriage prep lessons, and will charge you through the nose for it. Some young people I know were disgusted by the money grubbing aspect of this. I've never heard of anyone being charged for pre-cana. I am not saying that someone told you this, but I have never heard this before. If it happened, I think this is an exception, not the rule. I've lived in several states and belonged to different parishes.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 7, 2024 17:54:40 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2015 16:23:03 GMT
Nevermind
|
|
|
Post by blondiec47 on Feb 20, 2015 16:23:03 GMT
grinningcat...you are not a Catholic so no matter if you get married in the Catholic church or not, your marriage will not be a sacrament. As it was explained to me, had my DH chosen to convert to Catholicism, then at that time, my marriage would have become a sacrament, but if both parties are not Catholic, there's no sacrament. This might help you in deciding, as well. If they are hoping for that, it can't happen. Not true--My first marriage (I am Catholic and my xDH was not just bapitized) and in order for me to get married in the Church again I had to go through the annulment process. My current DH is not Catholic but was baptized and we received the sacrament of marriage. We also did not pay for our pre cana classes. You will be charged for the church and the priest though
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 7, 2024 17:54:40 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2015 16:28:07 GMT
I have one question...if you don't have the "old friend/priest" perform the ceremony (regardless of where or how close he truly is to FH), do you have someone else in mind who is close enough to either one of you to make that position meaningful? If not, I don't think I would argue about it IF that priest is willing to perform the ceremony.
And after 25 years of marriage, I will say that many of our issues over the years stem back to in-laws and how we were raised. We did marriage counseling and it was helpful but didn't prepare me for some of those issues. Only you can decide if you want to make this one of the issues that won't ever go away. Or if it is worth it to have a small private wedding blessing done at the church because it is something that would mean a lot to your in-laws and then have the other ceremony at whatever location you picked.
But then again, I think a marriage is about more than 2 people. And many of the things in my wedding were done because they would make others happy. In turn, that made me less stressed and happy. I've never regretted it.
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 20, 2015 16:31:32 GMT
grinningcat...you are not a Catholic so no matter if you get married in the Catholic church or not, your marriage will not be a sacrament. As it was explained to me, had my DH chosen to convert to Catholicism, then at that time, my marriage would have become a sacrament, but if both parties are not Catholic, there's no sacrament. This might help you in deciding, as well. If they are hoping for that, it can't happen. Not true--My first marriage (I am Catholic and my xDH was not just bapitized) and in order for me to get married in the Church again I had to go through the annulment process. My current DH is not Catholic but was baptized and we received the sacrament of marriage. We also did not pay for our pre cana classes. You will be charged for the church and the priest though The marriage is valid in the eyes of the church, but not a sacrament. Canon Law on Marriage as a Sacrament
|
|
|
Post by pretzels on Feb 20, 2015 16:33:27 GMT
My BFF (a practicing Catholic) married her DH (not a Catholic) in a Unitarian church and a Catholic priest did the ceremony. I'm not sure how it all works out as far as Catholicism goes, but they did it.
|
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on Feb 20, 2015 16:34:54 GMT
From what I understand, they will expect you to take marriage prep lessons, and will charge you through the nose for it. Some young people I know were disgusted by the money grubbing aspect of this. I've never heard of anyone being charged for pre-cana. I am not saying that someone told you this, but I have never heard this before. If it happened, I think this is an exception, not the rule. I've lived in several states and belonged to different parishes click. In addition to the £25, at the end of the session there was a rather forthright suggestion that couples might like to make a donation of ooh, say, £100, as you are all obviously 'fairly well off'. The woman running the class calls herself Muff. Says it all really.
|
|
|
Post by Basket1lady on Feb 20, 2015 16:40:22 GMT
So very true. To be honest, I would leave that up to FH. If he wants to raise them as such, it will be his responsibility. I will expose them to a variety of religions and beliefs but if he wants them Catholic, that's all on him. That is, if we have kids. This is where you might get your wish of not having to fulfill your future MILs wishes. While many non Catholics have been married by priests in a Catholic church, the non Catholic usually has to agree that they will actively raise any children of the marriage in the Catholic faith. Fellow Catholics, correct me if I have this wrong. Honestly? I'm thinking this is the time to stand up and say this doesn't work for you. You're an atheist so why would you even consider this? If Grinningcat is willing to have her children raised in the Catholic Church, that's ok. Even if she isn't the one actually doing so, but her husband is the active participant. Jeremysgirl, that's a good link. It's very interesting! And I think it reflects the more modern approach in Catholocism. That even if a marriage isn't a sacrament, it can still be valid, and that's all ok. Although in the case of Grinningcat, she is definitely a Catholic in the eyes of the church and it sounds like her fiancée is as well. It's all very complicated! The majority of priests/deacons know all the canon law. But as to how they interpret it, their views, etc, can vary from person to person. Grinningcat, If the "family friend" isn't helpful, it may be worth your time to seek out a clergyman who truly wants to help you. It sounds like your fiancée may be a little conflicted with wanting to do the right thing, please his parents, and please you. Hopefully you can find some middle ground.
|
|
|
Post by pierkiss on Feb 20, 2015 16:56:41 GMT
From what I understand, they will expect you to take marriage prep lessons, and will charge you through the nose for it. Some young people I know were disgusted by the money grubbing aspect of this. We had to meet with our priest 3 times before our wedding day. 1 was to discuss what a Catholic wedding would entail, and what our choices were, and what could be changed and what couldn't be changed. The 2nd meeting was to take this obnoxiously long questionaire. When it was over, our priest compared our answers. We could only have different answers for x amount of the questions. If we missed more than that, we would have had to go to a marriage counseling retreat. We had to discuss the missed questions with our priest at this meeting. Hubby and I did not miss more than the alloted amount, because we did not have to go on the retreat. I believe the fee for that would have been around a hundred dollars. So, not too bad. The 3rd meeting was to finalize how our ceremony would go. We had to have all the readings chosen, and other such details. There was no fee for these 3 meetings with our priest. We did have to pay a fee to reserve the church. I feel like that was less than $150. So, it was really inexpensive.
|
|
grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
|
Post by grinningcat on Feb 20, 2015 16:56:50 GMT
So very true. To be honest, I would leave that up to FH. If he wants to raise them as such, it will be his responsibility. I will expose them to a variety of religions and beliefs but if he wants them Catholic, that's all on him. That is, if we have kids. This is where you might get your wish of not having to fulfill your future MILs wishes. While many non Catholics have been married by priests in a Catholic church, the non Catholic usually has to agree that they will actively raise any children of the marriage in the Catholic faith. Fellow Catholics, correct me if I have this wrong. Honestly? I'm thinking this is the time to stand up and say this doesn't work for you. You're an atheist so why would you even consider this? Why? Because if this is what my FH absolutely wants because it is meaningful and something that would bring him joy, then I want to make it happen. This is his day as well and I want it to reflect him as well, as well as reflect me and us together.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Feb 20, 2015 16:58:57 GMT
From what I understand, they will expect you to take marriage prep lessons, and will charge you through the nose for it. Some young people I know were disgusted by the money grubbing aspect of this. Not true in all cases...you can meet one on one with a priest. I know many couples that did that. grinningcat You would have to agree to raise your children Catholic for a priest to preside over your marriage. I think you've gotten a lot of advice and to be honest, sometimes it depends on the priest--LOL--- many are more liberal than others. Just make sure you and FH are on the same page.
|
|
|
Post by Linda on Feb 20, 2015 17:02:09 GMT
my 2-cents as a Catholic married to a non-religous man (baptized RLDS)
It sounds to me as if you were also baptised Catholic but you no longer practise/believe - is that correct? That is going to be a factor if you do decide to go the Catholic route because as far as the Catholic church is concerned, you are still Catholic and it would be a Catholic-Catholic marriage not a mixed faith marriage. If you had never been baptised, then there's a special dispensation needed from the Bishop.
My personal suggestion is to talk to the priest, be honest about your concerns and be willing to accept that he's probably not going to be able to meet your demands. If you get lucky, he might be willing to take the 'fall' and let your future ILs know that a church wedding won't be happening and (hopefully) get them off your back.
Honestly though I think you and your FH would benefit from the pre-cana sessions- it will (should) help you both talk through issues such as religion and parental expectations and future children (baptism or not) as well as what happens if he becomes more religious in the future (it happens) so that you enter marriage with some of these potential mine fields worked out.
And on a side note - if you marry outside the Church, your DH won't be able to take Communion unless you later have your marriage convalidated as it wouldn't be a Sacramental marriage. That might not matter to you or him now but it may (or may not) in the future.
I had a civil marriage (we eloped) and had our marriage convalidated 5 years later in a simple ceremony (just us, our then 2 children and witnesses) - no Mass, just reading, prayers and a homily plus the marriage ceremony itself.
|
|
grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
|
Post by grinningcat on Feb 20, 2015 17:02:14 GMT
If the good friend that is retired will not do it, you may need to shop around. Many, well most have their own "rules" even though they are all Catholic, they do things each a little differently (like everyone said above) It seems like it should just be a simple thing, but it is not and you may feel like there is a lot of red tape just to appease everyone. kwim? We ran into these obstacles because I am Catholic and DH is not. We got a lot of parishes that wanted us to join aka give money as my dh calls it, attend weekly for at least 6 months and then they would talk about dates for the wedding. We ended up getting married in a perfect stone chapel in the woods with a hired pastor from an Episcopalian church. Even with that though we had to go to one or two marriage classes. We got some flack from my family beforehand but once married, it was all good...until we had children. Then of course the issue of baptism came up. So then we did have to join a parish and attend weekly. We did that and then religious ed (Catholic) for 1st reconciliation and 1st Communion. They still send notices occasionally for dh to become a Catholic. Right now we are not going to weekly church or religious ed. My dh is not religious or Catholic, as stated above, so this is not important to him. I could be swayed to go more often but because that silent battle exists between the two of us, it was easier for me to throw in the towel and just not do it right now. Honestly I didn't think religion would play any role in our marriage, but the older I get, the more it does. If the friend doesn't work out, we'll go the officient route unless FH really wants a priest. Which, other than this guy, he's expressed no interest. Thank you for sharing your journey. It gives food for thought.
|
|
|
Post by pierkiss on Feb 20, 2015 17:02:37 GMT
This was true for my parents. My mom is Catholic, my dad is Methodist. Their priest absolutely refused to marry them until my dad agreed to raise us in the Catholic faith. My mom said it took him several months to make that decision, because it was not something he took lightly (and he is really not religious). He did eventually agree to it, as they were able to have the Catholic ceremony my mom wanted. They actually had 2 weddings, one in my moms church, and the other in my dads church. It was not an issue for my husband and I, as we are both Catholic. But I believe this rule still stands today.
|
|
grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
|
Post by grinningcat on Feb 20, 2015 17:04:38 GMT
I've never heard of anyone being charged for pre-cana. I am not saying that someone told you this, but I have never heard this before. If it happened, I think this is an exception, not the rule. I've lived in several states and belonged to different parishes click. In addition to the £25, at the end of the session there was a rather forthright suggestion that couples might like to make a donation of ooh, say, £100, as you are all obviously 'fairly well off'. The woman running the class calls herself Muff. Says it all really. I've known a few people who have taken the classes and were disgusted by the expense. And this was in a few different parishes. But maybe each one is different.
|
|
grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
|
Post by grinningcat on Feb 20, 2015 17:07:35 GMT
my 2-cents as a Catholic married to a non-religous man (baptized RLDS) It sounds to me as if you were also baptised Catholic but you no longer practise/believe - is that correct? That is going to be a factor if you do decide to go the Catholic route because as far as the Catholic church is concerned, you are still Catholic and it would be a Catholic-Catholic marriage not a mixed faith marriage. If you had never been baptised, then there's a special dispensation needed from the Bishop. My personal suggestion is to talk to the priest, be honest about your concerns and be willing to accept that he's probably not going to be able to meet your demands. If you get lucky, he might be willing to take the 'fall' and let your future ILs know that a church wedding won't be happening and (hopefully) get them off your back. Honestly though I think you and your FH would benefit from the pre-cana sessions- it will (should) help you both talk through issues such as religion and parental expectations and future children (baptism or not) as well as what happens if he becomes more religious in the future (it happens) so that you enter marriage with some of these potential mine fields worked out. And on a side note - if you marry outside the Church, your DH won't be able to take Communion unless you later have your marriage convalidated as it wouldn't be a Sacramental marriage. That might not matter to you or him now but it may (or may not) in the future. I had a civil marriage (we eloped) and had our marriage convalidated 5 years later in a simple ceremony (just us, our then 2 children and witnesses) - no Mass, just reading, prayers and a homily plus the marriage ceremony itself. Yes, I have the basic sacrements but I have not practiced or identified as Catholic since I was in my mid-teens. I guess one thing I worry about or think about when taking the pre-cana is that i am going to end up with the same frustrations as I did in any other religious education in that my questions were never answered and I was labelled a troublemaker for asking the other side of the coin. He didn't take communion the last time we were in church, which was for his cousin's confirmation so I don't know if not being able to would matter to him.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Feb 20, 2015 17:09:04 GMT
click. In addition to the £25, at the end of the session there was a rather forthright suggestion that couples might like to make a donation of ooh, say, £100, as you are all obviously 'fairly well off'. The woman running the class calls herself Muff. Says it all really. I've known a few people who have taken the classes and were disgusted by the expense. And this was in a few different parishes. But maybe each one is different. Again...depends on the parish. In some--it's just a weekend at a retreat
|
|