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Post by chlerbie on May 26, 2015 3:12:40 GMT
My mom acted shocked, hurt and surprised when she found something much more innocent than that. And while I felt sad that she was disappointed, it didn't really curb anything that I was doing. I just became more adept at hiding it--and OTHER things from her.
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Post by lumo on May 26, 2015 3:15:48 GMT
10. I am not handing him a box of condoms. That, to me is saying that here you go, I condone this. I do not. I am going to make sure that for this summer, when they are together it is only here at our home. I know her parents are rarely home, from things DS told me as well as things I read in texts. So, they can hang out here or go up to the street fair and walk around. I will not give them an opportunity to be alone together, so for the next little while at least, we will do this and then take it from there. Do you condone him being a teen dad? Do you condone syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV? I'm guessing not. I'm not trying to add to the pile-on, but I feel like you really, really need to rethink some things.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
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Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on May 26, 2015 3:53:56 GMT
My best friend who was more like a sister became a mom when we were both 16. She was "wholesome" so was the father. Hell she wouldn't even go play Bingo with me because it was "against God". She always judged me for having sex. Then came her boyfriend and she started getting curious and not so judgmental..I remember when she was thinking about having sex with her boyfriend she couldn't go to her mom for advice she was scared so she would get me to buy their condoms and I did. She got pregnant anyways. I think you're really doing a disservice to your son by not giving him the information he needs to make educated choices in regards to his own sex life. I know your faith is playing a big part in this and I can respect that and you don't have to agree with his choice if he does become sexually active but he NEEDS to be educated for his own health risks and so he will lessen the chances of becoming a teen father. I'm not even going to touch on the fact how thie girlfriend is being made out to be. Lilke someone else said, your son didn't just turn this way within 2wks. No matter how you view your son and this "wholesome" friends I promise you they probably act differently when mom and dad aren't around. That's normal. Sending them off to a street fair is fine but if kids wants to have sex they will find a way. Trust me Good luck I really hope you find a way to handle this.
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Post by mom on May 26, 2015 4:04:52 GMT
Please change your thinking on this. He is still the kid you love and raised and he still holds those values. So he's falling for a girl, they are getting close, they may have sex soon. But that shouldn't change the way you see him, it won't change the way others see him. For all you now his friends have been having sex for years, yet you still see them as "wholesome" I speak from experience. My parents found I was sleeping with my boyfriend when I was 17, almost 18. The way they responded changed our relationship forever. Tread lightly and don't let it change the way you feel about him. This. This is a page out of my life. And while I know my parents loved me - our relationship has never been the same.
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Post by panda on May 26, 2015 4:13:39 GMT
My son just turned 15 in March. He's been with his girlfriend for a little over a year. I do read his texts several times a week to keep on top of things. I skim, most of the time it's nothing too concerning. But as his parent (and I do pay his hefty cell bill - data is expensive in Canada lol) I feel it's a duty and a right.
Anyhow, a couple of weeks ago I was a little disappointed but not overly shocked to read that they had had sex. It wasn't clear whether it was the first time or not. What did I do? What I should have done much earlier - I bought him a box of condoms. I didn't tell him I knew, I just gave them to him and said I remember what it's like to be a teenager and while I wasn't saying I approve or give permission for sex at his age,and that ultimately he doesn't require my approval or permission on something so personal and I mostly just want him to be protected. He thanked me and that was that. Hmmm, now I'm thinking we should have talked on how to properly use them. Suggest YouTube or something lol!
Please don't be too hard on your son. It can be hard to let go, which this is in a way - you're letting go of the idea of him as your little boy and also your image of how you picture his life going. There are so many evils in this world - from evil people, like killers, to cancer, etc - that your healthy and apparently happy son's burgeoning sexuality should be the last thing to upset you so much. He is So Normal and I'm sure the last thing you want to do is make him feel Disgusting and Bad.
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Post by Belia on May 26, 2015 4:36:44 GMT
1. I am not disgusted with my son, I am disgusted with the behavior. As I said earlier, I will not go in to all the gory details, but seeing that my son is talking about her vagina and she's talking about going down on him, etc. all in VERY graphic detail is behavior that disgusts me. So much I want to say, but there are only so many hours in the day. But I just wanted to point out that the above thought might be a little too subtle for your son (especially if he is as immature as you say) to suss out. I think he's just going to feel the "disgust," which is going to make a big, big, big impression on him. Not in a good way. If he hasn't picked up on it already. Which he probably already has. If he was as innocent and immature and not ready to start exploring his sexuality as you say, he would not be participating in the dialogue with this girl to the extent that he has. So, mom, the horse is already out of the barn. Get on board. Start to guide him through this stuff- don't try to shut it down. YOU may think that he shouldn't be worrying about it or thinking about it (and only be thinking about "school, chores, church camp, etc") but HE clearly is in a different place. Meet him where he is. Of course you should be including your values and hopes for your son in these conversations... but also REAL WORLD, FACTUAL information in case he chooses to go in a different direction. And your over-the-top negative assumptions about the young woman involved is really gross.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 11:16:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 4:52:50 GMT
You'll let them walk the street fair? I did that at 16 with my secret boyfriend. Got to 3rd base behind a dumpster. Not my finest moment but there you go. They'll find a way. Equip him with knowledge. That's your best tactic.
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Post by gar on May 26, 2015 8:18:48 GMT
Unfortunately you're still imposing your choices and values on your son who clearly has other ideas. Of course he still needs parenting but you can't put the genie back in the bottle. He's aware, he knows, it's happening and however much you would rather he was still only thought about church meets and homework, it's too late!
If you keep telling yourself that as his mum you're going to do what you feel is best (and I get why you would want to feel that way) you're ignoring the FACTS and the reality of the situation. So it's not what you envisaged for your son at 15 but either you face up to what is actually the case or you ignore it at your peril. What he needs now is facts and truth not fingers in ears going "La la la la la la...it's not happening."
It's not a case of kicking you when you're down - it's bluntly trying to help you to see that you need to adjust your thinking to deal with the reality that's staring you in the face.
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Post by DinCA on May 26, 2015 9:25:18 GMT
I don't know if you're still reading or not but I have to say it's a good thing that you are not planning to talk to him about it until after his exams because you need to take the time to think long and hard about your reaction.
Do you want your reaction to severely affect your relationship with him? Do you want an unwanted pregnancy because you won't make condoms available to him? Do you want him to know you've been reading his texts? Because if you tell him that you have been reading them, you will be breaking any line of communication you now have.
You have to remember that your actions will have a reaction and that reaction may drive a wedge in your relationship that will likely always be there. You need to sit him down and have a conversation about responsible sex, which includes sexting. Remind him that it is illegal for minors to send explicit photos. If her parents wanted to file charges against him, they could. Do not tell him that you've been snooping and that you've read his texts. Tell him that you would like for him to wait until he is older and in a committed relationship but realize that he might choose not to wait and want him to be protected. Give him the information he needs and then let it go.
You also have to accept the part you played in getting from A to B. We, as parents, all make mistakes. And you made some by not enforcing the rules you set regarding the use of his electronic devices. How this plays out has everything to do with your reaction. You can't press rewind so your responsibility now is to guide him toward making responsible decisions. It's important to remember that you will not be able to control him no matter how much you might try. Everything you do now must be in an effort to give him the tools and information he needs to make responsible decisions which protect him from an unwanted pregnancy or an STD or land him in jail.
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Post by christine58 on May 26, 2015 9:35:30 GMT
I always LOVE these responses. That's the risk you take when you put any kind of post here. Pull up your big girl panties and take the good with the bad or DON'T post a god blessed thing. Give me a break.
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lesley
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Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on May 26, 2015 10:03:20 GMT
I am equally upset with both of them, but sad that she is teaching him things that he doesn't need to know about right now. 11. Someone made a comment to my statement about her showing the texts to friends. They asked if I met her and how did I know that she'd do that. Well, in the texts back and forth, a few times she said, "Oh, BFF is here. Then suddenly BFF had the phone and was texting with my DS. In one text, she said "BFF said to tell you to go eat some pus*y." If this girl shares what they've texted back and forth, that is harmful to my DS reputation. Right now is when he does need to know these things, whether you like it or not. And he is a more than willing pupil, again whether you like it or not. And your #11 statement which I've bolded: Really? Your son's reputation? With whom? In most high schools I know of, this sort of behaviour is so common that it wouldn't register as harmful to any *boy*'s reputation. (I know that double standard is still alive and well.)
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BarbaraUK
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Jun 27, 2014 12:47:11 GMT
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Post by BarbaraUK on May 26, 2015 10:04:59 GMT
I can imagine what a difficult situation this is for you, especially as it goes against all your long held beliefs @nicoli. However, I have to agree with gar about not being able to put the genie back in the bottle......that process would have started a couple of years ago for your son, at least, in any case! I hope you will soon be able to recognise that your DS has now passed from childhood into the next stage of life, a very natural and essential progression, and be able to tailor your response to this situation with that in mind. Your DH surely remembers that stage of his life and will have some valuable input into how you both deal with this.
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Post by maryland on May 26, 2015 11:13:09 GMT
Nicoli, you are doing everything wrong. Good luck and enjoy your grandchild. Nicoli. No you are not doing everything wrong. You are trying to handle a new situation that is very difficult. Sexting is being brave behind the keyboard. Just like some people on this msg board. Keep your DS busy this summer with little time for the girlfriend and always be just around the corner when they are together. It does sound like your DS is young and I know you want to keep it that way as long as possible.......within reason. It is very difficult to raise kids in this day of technology I agree with what Caro said!
Nicoli this is something I wanted to say to you. I wonder if you wrote the same original post, but substituted daughter instead of son, many more would be on your side. It seems there is such a double standard. But, I hope I am wrong. I am the mom of three girls, and still notice such a double standard when it comes to "dating". But I think most of the advice given to you on this thread is great advice whether you have a son or a daughter. And OP, I teach my girls to respect boys, and not to pressure them. I see people all the time saying they teach their sons to respect girls, and I teach my girls to respect boys too. Respect goes both ways.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on May 26, 2015 11:29:02 GMT
He won't lose trust if he doesn't know....
Just take a minute and imagine what will happen when he figures it out.
I think you also need to take a minute and think about the disgust you are feeling. This is about sex. You have views on the way sex should happen, it is not going to happen for your son they way you would like it to. You will have to let that go.
Shame/disgust is a strong emotion, and it brings about some serious reactions and consequences. Before you speak to your son, please consider your feelings around this, and how you can be supportive to him, and not make him feel disgusted or shameful about this first sexual experience.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 26, 2015 11:38:01 GMT
He won't lose trust if he doesn't know.... Just take a minute and imagine what will happen when he figures it out. I think you also need to take a minute and think about the disgust you are feeling. This is about sex. You have views on the way sex should happen, it is not going to happen for your son they way you would like it to. You will have to let that go. Shame/disgust is a strong emotion, and it brings about some serious reactions and consequences. Before you speak to your son, please consider your feelings around this, and how you can be supportive to him, and not make him feel disgusted or shameful about this first sexual experience. Absolutely. Reading the texts was a betrayal to begin with but now that the lie is being perpetuated long term by continuing to read and not informing him about it? That's going to create some big ass problems that may never be repaired. Good luck with that. I hope she's prepared for the earth shattering reality that could very well hit her family because she chose to stick her head in the sand instead of being proactive and giving her son the tools he needs. And stop the slut shaming. It takes two to tango, who has more experience or initiates it is irrelevant. If you're going to slut shame her you'd better slut shame the son. Instead you're just disgusted and ashamed of your son. And delusional if you think he hasn't figured out that your view of him has changed. Kids are far smarter than adults want to think.
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Post by elaine on May 26, 2015 12:00:43 GMT
Nicoli. No you are not doing everything wrong. You are trying to handle a new situation that is very difficult. Sexting is being brave behind the keyboard. Just like some people on this msg board. Keep your DS busy this summer with little time for the girlfriend and always be just around the corner when they are together. It does sound like your DS is young and I know you want to keep it that way as long as possible.......within reason. It is very difficult to raise kids in this day of technology I agree with what Caro said!
Nicoli this is something I wanted to say to you. I wonder if you wrote the same original post, but substituted daughter instead of son, many more would be on your side. It seems there is such a double standard. But, I hope I am wrong. I am the mom of three girls, and still notice such a double standard when it comes to "dating". But I think most of the advice given to you on this thread is great advice whether you have a son or a daughter. And OP, I teach my girls to respect boys, and not to pressure them. I see people all the time saying they teach their sons to respect girls, and I teach my girls to respect boys too. Respect goes both ways. No double standard here. I mentioned that witholding birth control didn't work for Palin and her DAUGHTER. Teenage girls need information about and easy access to birth control even MORE than boys, because there are many more consequences for them if they end up pregnant. I also don't advocate lying to your teens regardless of their gender. Being honest goes hand in hand with respect - on which I totally agree with you!
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Post by maryland on May 26, 2015 12:22:21 GMT
I agree with what Caro said!
Nicoli this is something I wanted to say to you. I wonder if you wrote the same original post, but substituted daughter instead of son, many more would be on your side. It seems there is such a double standard. But, I hope I am wrong. I am the mom of three girls, and still notice such a double standard when it comes to "dating". But I think most of the advice given to you on this thread is great advice whether you have a son or a daughter. And OP, I teach my girls to respect boys, and not to pressure them. I see people all the time saying they teach their sons to respect girls, and I teach my girls to respect boys too. Respect goes both ways. No double standard here. I mentioned that witholding birth control didn't work for Palin and her DAUGHTER. Teenage girls need information about and easy access to birth control even MORE than boys, because there are many more consequences for them if they end up pregnant. I also don't advocate lying to your teens regardless of their gender. Being honest goes hand in hand with respect - on which I totally agree with you! Very true, and both genders need info to avoid diseases (I actually know people who don't think boys can get diseases!) and how to avoid becoming a mom or dad.
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Post by mom2ja2 on May 26, 2015 12:28:56 GMT
It's going to be okay, mom!
My ds is 16, and we've dealt with some of this.
It's tough, but obviously it's time to come to terms that darling son is no longer just entertained by playing video games.
I think the most important thing here is, as many other's have mentioned, is to *not* shame him on his sexual curiosity...because that is totally normal as much as we mama's would like to think it's not.
I would address the texting, and maybe in your situation you need to have dh do this.
You need to make this a shame free conversation. Just, "Oh, I meant to mention that I checked your text messages the other night & saw some texts to your girlfriend - you want to talk about those?" And then just calmly go over why it may not be the most intelligent thing in the world to text those kinds of things. With my ds they were pretty pornographic for my prude taste, so I just said "every text you write her, you need to keep in mind her dad could check her phone...so, if you've got the balls to have her dad read about your sexual prowess, then by all means, continue, but otherwise, knock it back down to a pg 13 level."
And then, I'd let it go & take a deep breath & remind yourself in 3 short years he'll be gone. And that you can check his phone every night but that doesn't mean he's not doing snap chat, or has a secret tumblr, or whatever else that came out 5 minutes ago that we parents have no idea about.
So, no more head in sand. From here on out you assume that if he's going anywhere with friends there will be an opportunity to drink, and there will be an opportunity for sex. That is where you are, and where we all eventually get to. (and that even though they may be trying all this stuff out - they can still somehow be wholesome at the same time!)
And then, take another deep breath and remind yourself that he makes good grades, has good, solid friends, goes to youth group, and that he isn't a bully or doing heroin or anything else that would be truly horrifying.
He's a horny 15 year old.
There are far worse things.
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Post by Meri-Lyn on May 26, 2015 12:35:50 GMT
Were we really all that innocent or did we just express it in different ways? Sex was the topic for pretty much every conversation I had at 15, a lot of time was spent searching for books with racy passages, a friend smuggled out her parents copy of The Joy of Sex for us to pour over, it was fascinating for all of us. I grew up in the 80's and this was definitely the norm in my peer group. ETA: and considering my mother was pregnant with me at 17, it wasn't too far off for her peer group in the late 60's/early 70's.
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Post by maryland on May 26, 2015 12:44:12 GMT
Were we really all that innocent or did we just express it in different ways? Sex was the topic for pretty much every conversation I had at 15, a lot of time was spent searching for books with racy passages, a friend smuggled out her parents copy of The Joy of Sex for us to pour over, it was fascinating for all of us. So true, then and now. There is a line in a popular song that my daughters cannot stop laughing about. I didn't realize they would even know what it meant. I guess I still think they are 5!
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Post by Kelpea on May 26, 2015 12:45:31 GMT
Apparently my grandparents were quite randy. My mom, now 74, was born in a group home for unwed mothers in a rural part of Virginia. My grandma, her mom, was 16 at the time.
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Post by jamielynn on May 26, 2015 12:47:48 GMT
From your posts, the way you are handling this and plan to continue is the way my mother would have when I was a teen. You know what the outcome of her extreme control, and behavior was? She doesn't see her grandkids, not just mine either ... All of them.
She thinks she is always right, she's judgmental, she makes us feel guilt over things we do that she wouldn't do .... And we just don't have time for it with our careers, spouses, children and social lives.
I hope you can take the advice of the experienced women here and manage it differently than you currently intend.
The boyfriend I had when I was growing up had very different parenting than my own. They were open, honest and talked to us. Was it embarrassing, yeah! Did we get factual information and know they were onto us, oh yeah!
I often think of them in my own parenting and have referenced them at my parenting group when they ask about parenting styles and how you parent like your family did (I don't!).
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Post by anxiousmom on May 26, 2015 12:51:59 GMT
He won't lose trust if he doesn't know.... Just take a minute and imagine what will happen when he figures it out. Please don't take this as if I am scolding you, that isn't at all what my intent is. But I am going to suggest that not telling him is probably not the best way to go about this. I often joke that my teenagers are like toddlers in men's bodies. That is simplistic of course, it is more complicated than that...teenagers have all the emotions and feelings and desires that adults have, but not the brain development that is needed to process all those feelings. You (and I am using the global you) can't parent in absolutes anymore. You can't expect to be able to say 'because I said so' and expect that someone who thinks like an adult to accept that. It is a delicate balance to parent teenagers. You don't have to be their friend, but a leap toward allowing the kids to have some scope to make their own decisions is required. One of those leaps is learning when to talk and when to say 'the discussion is over.' Gaining your children's trust is vital in this transition. They have to know that you will be open and honest with them but you are the parent who will have the final say-and then trust you to have their best interests at heart when you say no. Of course you have the right to read the text messages. You are the parent. You also have the right to put limits on the phone/computer usage. Again, you are the parent. But if you have any hope of making sure that the bond of trust is not cut completely, you have to be honest about what you are doing and why. The risk of losing that trust of your kids is too great. Once that trust has been broken-on both sides-it is difficult to repair. Right now, your son has lost your trust. But as an adult, you do have the additional years of brain development that allows you see long term and give your son the room to regain that trust. A kid is going to interpret the situation differently and it will be a long, uphill battle for you to regain his trust. I will add this too...teenagers have secret lives of their own. We may think that they are innocent, but by the time a kid gets to 15, they have been exposed already to a lot of things that we are ignorant of. We don't want to believe it, but the fact is that while they are school, at sports, hanging out with their friends...they are talking about girls, sex, cars, and a whole lot of other 'man stuff.' As their mom, you are the very last one that they want knowing about their secret teen life and they will go through all kinds of contortions to keep you from knowing about it. Just because we haven't seen it, doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
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Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on May 26, 2015 13:00:27 GMT
Back in the dark ages -- when I was a tween and teen -- one truth I learned was that the more parents tried to "protect" their children by isolating them, by corraling them into "like-minded" religious activities, by chaperoning them -- the more likely those kids were to have sex, drink, and use drugs..in secretive ways. As an example, it was a well-known truth that if you wanted drugs or alcohol as a minor (drinking age was 18 then), you went to the parking lot of the parochial school or visited the kid in your neighborhood who went to the parochial school. Not the public school kids, nope. The religious school kids. The kids of parents who thought the public school was a den of iniquity and they had to protect their kids by sending them to a religious school. Those kids also seemed to have sex earlier and with more partners than the public school kids. Even as a teen I thought that the difference in behavior was a result of repression and shaming that made the forbidden soooo much more attractive, the thrill of the illicit so much more thrilling, and the comraderie of putting one over the authority figures trying to control them was so much more bonding.
Which is a long way of saying that, OP, I really hope that you take several long deep breaths while looking in the mirror. Ask yourself what your goal is. Ask yourself if that goal is realistic. Ask yourself if policing your son and his girlfriend is really going to prevent them from having sexual relations of one sort or another.
Also ask if Jesus would really want you to shame this girl the way you have been doing on this board and in your heart, if Jesus would really want you to feel disgust at your son for engaging in sexuality (especially since in Jesus' time, the 2 young people in question would probably have been married and popping out babies already).
Ask yourself why you feel disgust. Disgust is such a strong and negative emotion, isn't it? Such a strong word, emotion. So negative, so damaging. I have to ask -- did you bring a bit of that feeling on yourself by choosing to read texts with information about specific sexual acts and then get pictures in your mind? Is the disgust you feel perhaps a projection of shame at yourself for putting yourself in the position to have those pictures in your mind? I mean, I don't know anyone who wants the gory details of their parents or their children's sex lives in their heads. I'd bet 99% of all westerners* would not be comfortable seeing evidence of specific sexual acts our children or parents are engaging in. Right? But you chose to put yourself in the position of having those gory details. So having that information in your head is on you. Consider that. Also consider whether you might have changed your discomfort into disgust as a way to shield yourself from the knowledge and images.
Before you project shame, disgust and guilt onto your son, take a long while to examine your own behavior and the origins of your own feelings. Because being disgusted by the fact that your son has sexual thoughts and may have or will be acting on them is a really significant and damaging leap from being uncomfortable (about that natural progression from boy to man.)
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anniebygaslight
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on May 26, 2015 13:13:23 GMT
I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for people who snoop and then don't like what they find. What you have done is up there with reading someone's private diary.
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Post by bearmom on May 26, 2015 13:13:48 GMT
We may think that they are innocent, but by the time a kid gets to 15, they have been exposed already to a lot of things that we are ignorant of. We don't want to believe it, but the fact is that while they are school, at sports, hanging out with their friends...they are talking about girls, sex, cars, and a whole lot of other 'man stuff.' As their mom, you are the very last one that they want knowing about their secret teen life and they will go through all kinds of contortions to keep you from knowing about it. Just because we haven't seen it, doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. This. You might think your ds is innocent and not knowledgeable, but reading what you posted from his texts, he learned how to speak like that somewhere. While the girl may have encouraged ds, he was a willing and active participant. In the past, dd has made it clear to us (me) that she is going to wait for marriage (her argument for not needing the HPV vaccine), and while I hope she does, I don't hold that as gospel. I remember my teen/early adult years. If/when she starts dating we will have a safe sex discussion again.
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Post by Meri-Lyn on May 26, 2015 13:20:23 GMT
I speak from experience. My parents found I was sleeping with my boyfriend when I was 17, almost 18. The way they responded changed our relationship forever. Tread lightly and don't let it change the way you feel about him. This. This is a page out of my life. And while I know my parents loved me - our relationship has never been the same. Absolutely this! My mother already had her "issues," but this was a catalyst to a lot of things going down hill from that moment on.
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Post by mom on May 26, 2015 13:27:52 GMT
You know, the more I think about this the more I am *sure* her sweet son is far more advanced that she wants to believe. I just don't believe he went from no clue about anything to sexting in 2 weeks. And if he did, then they are probably way more physical that the OP wants to believe.
Time to pull your head out of the sand and have an open discussion with you son. A TRUTHFUL discussion with your son. Tell him you saw the text and were surprised to see how graphic they were. Then talk about the consequences of sexting. I know you feel like you covered your bases when you 'talked' with him while you were pregnant. But one conversation isn't enough. And asking if he has any questions & when he says no ending the conversation? Ummm. No. Encourage him to listen if he doesn't want to talk.
No shaming, no guilt. Tell him that you have placed a box of condoms in his closet, and that while you don't want him having sex - you know he needs to be prepared in the event his does.
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Post by apeacalledliz on May 26, 2015 13:37:06 GMT
I don't know why, but I am always surprised that people always make out the girl to be an evil seductress and the boy some hapless dufus. So, let's get this straight: your son sent texts of a sexual nature to another child. Your son texted about his hard dick and getting off. That was your kid. I can assure you that your kid gets a hard dick and gets off whether or not that particular girl exists or not. And those other wholesome boys as well. Not a single one of them needs any prodding from any female (or male) ever. I find it odd that you don't check your son's cell phone. It is a must in this day and age of parenting. And, sneaking around to do so??? You pay for that sh*t. It should be open to you at all times. You and your husband need to come up with some guidelines and rules and then you need to sit your son down for a new reality. He participated in an illegal activity - which you admit he knew was illegal. There are some DAs out there that treat sexting like a terrorist attack - especially during election time. So, he needs to be reminded of that fact. Just an aside, religion does teach about things besides waiting until marriage - stuff like judging others, being lazy, etc. So, perhaps it might be a good idea to stop focusing on conduct of some other person's child, and work on what is going on in your family. I don't mean that snarky....just that sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees. Sexting between two 15 year olds is not illegal, if there were photos involved then it ventures into illegal territory but simply talking about they want to do to each other is not. OP please don't tell your son that you find his behavior disgusting, you will in fact be telling him that his very normal curiosity and feelings are disgusting. There is nothing disgusting about sex and sexual feelings, what he is doing and saying while fairly explicit is pretty normal stuff in the grand scheme of things. I would be more worried about the damage I might do by telling him what he has been doing is disgusting then I would be worried about the damage from the actual acts themselves. Shaming teens about their sexuality is incredibly damaging, you could very well be stetting him up for a lifetime of sexual dysfunction. You have a good kid, sexting does not make him any less of a good kid.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 11:16:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 13:43:00 GMT
Well good luck with that but be prepared for him to be furious, embarrassed and lose trust in you when he does find out and the chances are great that he will. Absolutely as his mum it is your job to make sure that he is safe and ok and sadly (to you at least) that means at this time being sexually safe and ok. It is your job to equip him with the tools for life and that means talking to him about sex and it's dangers and providing him with contraceptives. Is becoming a grandma really worth it just so you can tell yourself you didn't condone sex?
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