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Post by marg on May 27, 2015 1:22:03 GMT
In no way do I think it's okay for 15 year olds to have sex, but if they do I'd rather they have phone sex, not actual sex. I wouldn't want my son to put anything embarrassing in writing, either, because if her parents read it -oh my gosh!! I also think sex at 15 happens and it's better to make sure your kids are protected. Parents need to be realistic and open. Breaking your child's trust never ends well.
I also think "disgust" is a very strong word to use regarding discovering your child is a sexual human being.
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my3freaks
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,206
Location: NH girl living in Colorado
Jun 26, 2014 4:10:56 GMT
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Post by my3freaks on May 29, 2015 0:58:01 GMT
He won't lose trust if he doesn't know.... Just take a minute and imagine what will happen when he figures it out. I think you also need to take a minute and think about the disgust you are feeling. This is about sex. You have views on the way sex should happen, it is not going to happen for your son they way you would like it to. You will have to let that go. Shame/disgust is a strong emotion, and it brings about some serious reactions and consequences. Before you speak to your son, please consider your feelings around this, and how you can be supportive to him, and not make him feel disgusted or shameful about this first sexual experience. "He won't lose trust if he doesn't know" Is an attitude that is sure to backfire, and when it does, is going to be devastating to your relationship. I understand you're upset, and shocked. I have 2 teens, a 19 year old son and 15 year old daughter, and it can be pretty surprising to realize the extent of their knowledge. I do think that you crossed a line when you read all his texts after you got the gist of where they were going. Scrolling through to be sure there were no pictures? Okay, good idea. Reading every graphic word they wrote to each other has a serious ick factor to it, and is such an invasion of privacy. If he was speaking on the phone, would you listen to every word? Maybe you need to take a step back right now and let your husband handle this with your son. We've been having some issues with my daughter lately, and my DH has been much better overall than I have. I get super emotional, and she will get defensive and we get nowhere. DH is able to be calm, and really talk with her in a way that I just am not as good at right now. I know there's always the debate about condoms and birth control being viewed as condoning sex. I do get how you could feel that way, BUT, isn't his health, and his future, and the potential for an innocent baby being brought into a situation with teen parents that aren't ready to take care of it more important than that? You can want him to wait all you want, but you can't make him wait. You CAN make sure he's informed and has access to protect himself though. I am sorry you're going through this. Parenting teenagers often sucks.
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my3freaks
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,206
Location: NH girl living in Colorado
Jun 26, 2014 4:10:56 GMT
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Post by my3freaks on May 29, 2015 1:59:25 GMT
sorry, quote isn't working right for me.
I don't see how her argument is valid against the vaccine? that's like saying only people with multiple partners are at risk. with the rates of infection these days, she could easily fall in love and marry someone who has HPV.
Oh, I know. But in her 14 year old mind, if she waited until marriage then her spouse would have also. We then had a discussion about how it only takes once, etc. She doesn't want the series, apparently they are painful shots, so she is fighting me on it (she won't win). My almost 16 year old daughter had the 3rd shot about a week ago. She has not been sexually active, but her doctor still recommended she have the series. She didn't say that it was any more painful than other vaccines. I think she complained more about her last flu shot, and definitely complained more about the tetanus shot she had a long time ago, and still remembers.
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,768
Jun 27, 2014 2:21:22 GMT
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Post by valincal on May 29, 2015 2:50:08 GMT
If she did, it's too bad. There are some very well thought out responses here. After 7 pages of advice I'm not surprised she's done responding. I'm sure she is still reading and taking into consideration (or not) what's been shared. OP, I hope you've been able to discuss things with your DS in a way that's been positive for you both. Take care.
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Post by anonrefugee on May 29, 2015 3:04:55 GMT
sorry, quote isn't working right for me.
I don't see how her argument is valid against the vaccine? that's like saying only people with multiple partners are at risk. with the rates of infection these days, she could easily fall in love and marry someone who has HPV.
Oh, I know. But in her 14 year old mind, if she waited until marriage then her spouse would have also. We then had a discussion about how it only takes once, etc. She doesn't want the series, apparently they are painful shots, so she is fighting me on it (she won't win). It's hard to foresee the future. My friend's sister (really!) waited until her wedding night, was married twenty years and then single in mid- life. She contracted HPV in a committed relationship, cervical cancer came next. Their kids have been vaccinated, no contest between shot vs cancer.
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
Jun 28, 2014 14:32:59 GMT
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Post by suzastampin on May 29, 2015 12:13:12 GMT
This may have already posted, but I haven't had time to read the boards in a couple of days. I just saw this story on GMA about 20 NJ students being charged for sending nude pics to others. While the OP is no longer with us, I thought it might be a good talking point with your children to remind them how dangerous it can be. NJ Sexting
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