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Post by pierkiss on Aug 4, 2015 1:30:12 GMT
At my grad school we would be dropped if we missed the first class of each course.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Aug 4, 2015 1:30:30 GMT
I find it disturbing that so many peas have taken the time to write rather lengthy replies... But the op is not reading them... Hope she changes her mind
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Aug 4, 2015 1:43:13 GMT
I would have died if my mom tried to help me move in or out after my first year of college. And Grad School?!?! I used to drive the 2500 miles between Columbus, OH and Los Angeles at least one round trip per year by myself. No one in grad school had their parents moving them. You don't need to drive your son, you WANT to take a family vacation. Good for your daughter for having her priorities straight in this instance, placing her education before dog sitting. I will admit to being a flummoxed by a number of things in this thread. I'm having a hard time imagining the family dynamics that led to these problems, unless your son has special needs, has been in a highly structured internship, and cannot drive himself.
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Post by eversograceful1 on Aug 4, 2015 1:43:30 GMT
That was the rule at my college years ago
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,661
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Aug 4, 2015 1:44:37 GMT
Did not read all of the posts, didn't expect all of the replies. I knew it was "bad" since there were so many replies so early! I'm just mad because she is being bratty. She will miss class to be with her boyfriend but not to help us out while we are scrambling with our other college student to get him back here 3000 miles away for class. He was on significant time contraints on his internship and could not leave the other coast earlier. It's not to babysit our dogs, she cried when she kissed them goodbye six months ago so she misses them! I just wish she had let me know earlier so I can put another thing on my "to do" list before I leave. Yes, DH and I are both going, flying to the coast and driving back with DS, hitting a couple National Parks with him before he goes off on his own completely. He will be in his last semester on his Masters degree. I just checked the site and it said to let the prof know ahead of time if you are going to miss the first day. In other words, you're still going to pressure her to miss class so you can go on "vacation" with your husband and son?
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Post by abr79 on Aug 4, 2015 1:48:43 GMT
Hmmmm...I think there are bigger issues at play here outside of DD missing the first day of her senior year at college and DS being picked up to be driven home (a la a fun little road trip family vacation) to finish his masters program.
Clearly there are some dynamics within the family that are causing issues. Just the way you speak of your daughter and her "studying" abroad and how you're annoyed at how bratty she's being and how you wish she would have let you know ahead of time speaks volumes. There's a good chance that your daughter is being "bratty" because maybe she doesn't feel like a valued member of your family or that you don't respect her. Just reading your posts and how you reference her and her decisions makes me feel like you hold little respect for her. Perhaps there are bigger issues behind that but my armchair psychologist spidey sense tells me this may be the issue.
Trust me, as someone with a very tense (at best) relationship with her mother, don't let something as silly as taking care of the animals put more strain in your relationship. Let her go to her first day - without guilt - and perhaps consider flying your son home.
ETA why isn't your daughter invited on the little road trip? Perhaps that's another reason why she's being less than cooperative about the dogs - maybe she's a little jealous or hurt that she's being left out of a family event.
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Post by RiverIsis on Aug 4, 2015 1:51:10 GMT
Did not read all of the posts, didn't expect all of the replies. I knew it was "bad" since there were so many replies so early! I'm just mad because she is being bratty. She will miss class to be with her boyfriend but not to help us out while we are scrambling with our other college student to get him back here 3000 miles away for class. He was on significant time contraints on his internship and could not leave the other coast earlier. It's not to babysit our dogs, she cried when she kissed them goodbye six months ago so she misses them! I just wish she had let me know earlier so I can put another thing on my "to do" list before I leave. Yes, DH and I are both going, flying to the coast and driving back with DS, hitting a couple National Parks with him before he goes off on his own completely. He will be in his last semester on his Masters degree. I just checked the site and it said to let the prof know ahead of time if you are going to miss the first day. In other words, you're still going to pressure her to miss class so you can go on "vacation" with your husband and son? Not cool mom. Yeah, it would be better if things were different. But either kennel the dogs or change your plans. Don't expect your student to change theirs.
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stecho
Shy Member
Posts: 24
Mar 8, 2015 4:04:05 GMT
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Post by stecho on Aug 4, 2015 1:54:33 GMT
Yep, this was standard at the Big 10 university I attended. Miss the first day and you risked a "crasher" taking your spot.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Aug 4, 2015 2:03:20 GMT
My DD starts her senior year on a Monday soon. DH and I are also driving back with my college DS from the other coast where he was interning for the summer and we won't be back until Monday evening. They go to different schools but my son said he can miss his first day of class on Monday and just catch up. DD says they will drop her from the class for missing the very first day. Do you think that is accurate? When I was in college eons ago, people were still doing drop/add, etc the first week. Oh, and she's been in Europe "studying" the past six months and traveling to countries I haven't even heard of!! So I'm kinda ticked that she can't/won't help us out. It's because we would have to put our dogs in the kennel again. We just came back from out of town and the dogs were already in the kennel for two weeks. It would only be for three nights but I would rather not do it if we don't have to. Thanks. Your upset that your daughter will not skip her first day of university classes so she can dog sit while you and your husband go and pick up her brother? In this story the priority for me would be making sure everyone got to class. I would of been very ticked at my parents if they put dog sitting over my education (I was a kid that never missed a day unless I was so sick I couldn't get out of bed). Maybe you or your husband can stay home with the dogs.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,363
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Aug 4, 2015 2:11:31 GMT
I would have died if my mom tried to help me move in or out after my first year of college. And Grad School?!?! I used to drive the 2500 miles between Columbus, OH and Los Angeles at least one round trip per year by myself. No one in grad school had their parents moving them. I have to disagree a bit with this. We're taking my dd to school next week, for her second year. It's only a couple of hours away--but we kind of have to, as she won't have a car--and we need both of our cars to get all of her things there. She will need all the help she can get getting the futon, TV, fridge, etc. up the stairs of the high-rise dorm, while one of us waits in the ridiculous lines for one of the two elevators. Then she'll need assistance to loft her bed, as we found last year that with these beds it took 2 people to do it most effectively, and a lot of strength (dh, not me). We'll be helping her to move out, too. With that said, we've been joking amongst ourselves that the whole process will have quite a different feel to it this year--and that is a good thing for all of us. I am not helping/directing packing at all (she hasn't started, to my knowledge), and we envision that once we get everything up the stairs and any tasks done that require some specific assistance (lofting, maybe the electronic set-up), then we are out of there.
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 4, 2015 2:18:01 GMT
I haven't read the entire thread but why don't you just call the school? Oh dear god .... Don't CALL the school. Your child is an adult! if she says she can't do it. Respect that. You are no longer in charge of her. You have to help establish and respect boundaries. Yeah, I should have been more spacific knowing the nitpickyness of this board. Have the student call but call the damned school. Don't ask a bunch of people on a message board how to figure it out.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,605
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 4, 2015 2:23:56 GMT
I would have died if my mom tried to help me move in or out after my first year of college. And Grad School?!?! I used to drive the 2500 miles between Columbus, OH and Los Angeles at least one round trip per year by myself. No one in grad school had their parents moving them. I have to disagree a bit with this. We're taking my dd to school next week, for her second year. It's only a couple of hours away--but we kind of have to, as she won't have a car--and we need both of our cars to get all of her things there. She will need all the help she can get getting the futon, TV, fridge, etc. up the stairs of the high-rise dorm, while one of us waits in the ridiculous lines for one of the two elevators. Then she'll need assistance to loft her bed, as we found last year that with these beds it took 2 people to do it most effectively, and a lot of strength (dh, not me). We'll be helping her to move out, too. With that said, we've been joking amongst ourselves that the whole process will have quite a different feel to it this year--and that is a good thing for all of us. I am not helping/directing packing at all (she hasn't started, to my knowledge), and we envision that once we get everything up the stairs and any tasks done that require some specific assistance (lofting, maybe the electronic set-up), then we are out of there. I have to agree - we've moved our girls in all 4 years of their college lives. I don't find that so weird. The other stuff? I've already had my say.
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Post by penny on Aug 4, 2015 2:35:01 GMT
I read it as you being upset that she would skip a day to spend it with her bf but not to help you guys/look after the dog...
There's a difference between skipping the first day and a day in the semester where she knows no crucial information will be given out... Sounds like she's doing a good job of evaluating when she can/can't skip without risking her grades...
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 4, 2015 2:52:56 GMT
It's interesting that your son is interning but your daughter is "studying". In my world they are two distinct activities. A summer study program is a series of classes, often in a foreign country or region. An internship is with a professional, non academic entity, private or public- i.e. a "job". Although we hope an intern is studying the reality of his field:) Can you explain this comment? My kids are still in HS, need to to learn current views.
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Post by jamielynn on Aug 4, 2015 2:58:22 GMT
It depends on the school and likely the class. Dd missed a class because of an error last fall. There was a waiting list for the class. Anyone who was not present was dropped in favor of someone one the waiting list. Personally, I would have hated to miss the first day of any single class, let alone several. Far too much information conveyed on day 1 that sets the scene for the entire semester. But, I also went to a school that did not have a ton of drop/add going on. All this. My college had wait lists of 20-50 in most sections and the thought was if we couldn't bother to be there the first day for any reason we were out. I had a job 7 hours away and had to work until 9pm the night prior (seasonal job and almost all employees had this situation). I called and asked my 8am class if I could by chance attend a different section for the intro materials that one day and they got a good laugh and told me if I'm not there I lose my spot. As it turned out I was excused at work at noon to move to college being my school was 7 hrs away and had an educational commitment 11 hours after my shift.
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Post by elaine on Aug 4, 2015 3:27:01 GMT
I would have died if my mom tried to help me move in or out after my first year of college. And Grad School?!?! I used to drive the 2500 miles between Columbus, OH and Los Angeles at least one round trip per year by myself. No one in grad school had their parents moving them. I have to disagree a bit with this. We're taking my dd to school next week, for her second year. It's only a couple of hours away--but we kind of have to, as she won't have a car--and we need both of our cars to get all of her things there. She will need all the help she can get getting the futon, TV, fridge, etc. up the stairs of the high-rise dorm, while one of us waits in the ridiculous lines for one of the two elevators. Then she'll need assistance to loft her bed, as we found last year that with these beds it took 2 people to do it most effectively, and a lot of strength (dh, not me). We'll be helping her to move out, too. With that said, we've been joking amongst ourselves that the whole process will have quite a different feel to it this year--and that is a good thing for all of us. I am not helping/directing packing at all (she hasn't started, to my knowledge), and we envision that once we get everything up the stairs and any tasks done that require some specific assistance (lofting, maybe the electronic set-up), then we are out of there. I said that "I" would have been embarrassed - I'm not sure how you can disagree with that. It was my reality. It is fine that you are moving your daughter - that is what works for you and your family. I had my own VW Bus by my second year (that I worked for) and had no interest in my mom's help to move me back up to Northern CA. I went to a fairly non-traditional school, and many students were more into rebelling against family and traditional societal institutions than at many universities across the country. (At the time there was no Greek system, no NCAA teams outside of Rugby and Ultimate Frisbee, and no letter grades - all of which contributed to my decision to go there)
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samantha25
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,902
Jun 27, 2014 19:06:19 GMT
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Post by samantha25 on Aug 4, 2015 3:27:29 GMT
Isn't she going to miss more than one class on the first day? That's a lot of professors to explain her absence.
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Post by theroadlesstraveledp on Aug 4, 2015 3:31:55 GMT
I am not understanding why you didn't come up with a plan b. That would be the reasonable and logical thing to do.
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Post by Scrapper100 on Aug 4, 2015 3:58:18 GMT
Knowing this is her senior year means it is even more critical that she gets the classes she needs. The first day of class is critical much different than a day further into the semester well except the last few weeks. She isn't blowing you off she is being s responsible adult. If she lost out on a class she needs to graduate would you really want to pay another year of tuition and putting off starting her career. Just because she didn't dog sit for you. If you read any if the posts you would have seen that you can't just blow the first day off.
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Post by myshelly on Aug 4, 2015 3:59:49 GMT
It's interesting that your son is interning but your daughter is "studying". In my world they are two distinct activities. A summer study program is a series of classes, often in a foreign country or region. An internship is with a professional, non academic entity, private or public- i.e. a "job". Although we hope an intern is studying the reality of his field:) Can you explain this comment? My kids are still in HS, need to to learn current views. The problem is that the OP thinks what her son is doing is legit, but she criticized what her daughter is doing by putting it in quotation marks.
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Post by Scrapper100 on Aug 4, 2015 4:00:18 GMT
Isn't she going to miss more than one class on the first day? That's a lot of professors to explain her absence. And I can't imagine any professor excusing the reason for the absence. It's not a family emergency its a family vacation and she would be doing something that a dog sitter or kennel could do. Not a life threatening reason.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,363
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Aug 4, 2015 4:00:23 GMT
I have to disagree a bit with this. We're taking my dd to school next week, for her second year. It's only a couple of hours away--but we kind of have to, as she won't have a car--and we need both of our cars to get all of her things there. She will need all the help she can get getting the futon, TV, fridge, etc. up the stairs of the high-rise dorm, while one of us waits in the ridiculous lines for one of the two elevators. Then she'll need assistance to loft her bed, as we found last year that with these beds it took 2 people to do it most effectively, and a lot of strength (dh, not me). We'll be helping her to move out, too. With that said, we've been joking amongst ourselves that the whole process will have quite a different feel to it this year--and that is a good thing for all of us. I am not helping/directing packing at all (she hasn't started, to my knowledge), and we envision that once we get everything up the stairs and any tasks done that require some specific assistance (lofting, maybe the electronic set-up), then we are out of there. I said that "I" would have been embarrassed - I'm not sure how you can disagree with that. It was my reality. It is fine that you are moving your daughter - that is what works for you and your family. I had my own VW Bus by my second year (that I worked for) and had no interest in my mom's help to move me back up to Northern CA. I went to a fairly non-traditional school, and many students were more into rebelling against family and traditional societal institutions than at many universities across the country. (At the time there was no Greek system, no NCAA teams outside of Rugby and Ultimate Frisbee, and no letter grades - all of which contributed to my decision to go there) No arguing or fighting from me here. Usually I agree with much, if not most, of what you post, so this is rare. Everyone is certainly different. What I mean by disagreeing is that I think it's usually quite common, or perhaps the norm, for college students to have at least some parental assistance moving in and out of their dorms or apartments. Obviously that is not true for everyone. When we did this last year (and the dorm is for both freshmen and upperclass), the place was crawling with parents. That is honestly one of the reasons why all three of us want a different approach this year. It was crazy and exhausting. Now that she has a year under her belt, she knows what she is doing and really only needs us for the transportation and the heavy stuff. I'm glad about that, because I'm all for letting go and supporting the independence she wants and needs. I'm sure it may even look different as she continues through the next few years.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Aug 4, 2015 4:16:52 GMT
I never had a car until I graduated from university and got my first full time job. My parents did drive me back to university and pick me up the end of the year. They didn't stick around and make sure I unpacked, or got registered (this was pre PC days. I had to stand in line at individual tables in hopes to get into a class)etc. Heck our university didn't even have any sort of parent day like they seem to here in the USA.
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Post by alittleintrepid on Aug 4, 2015 4:28:12 GMT
Both adult children should be in class for the first day. I think it is presumptuous to expect them to miss school even if it can be excused by the professors/school.
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Post by OntarioScrapper on Aug 4, 2015 4:37:23 GMT
You trusted the kennel for 2 weeks. It can't be that bad. Besides, they are dogs and won't hold grudges for life.
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oaksong
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,164
Location: LA Suburbia
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 6:24:29 GMT
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Post by oaksong on Aug 4, 2015 4:47:17 GMT
Missing the first day of class at any level is not something my kids would ever consider. None of the OP's reasoning makes sense to me, so I guess I'll add to the pile on. Your priorities are out of whack and your attitude about your daughter seems disrespectful. I suspect there is more to this story.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Aug 4, 2015 4:48:46 GMT
When I was in college that was true for those classes that were required for a major, but that everyone wanted to take. They usually had a long wait list and if you weren't there the first day you were dropped.
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,407
Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Aug 4, 2015 5:57:02 GMT
You have three liscensed drivers, drive more, stop less, get the favoured child back in time for him to hit his first day. If you are back for his first day would the dogs even need kennelled? As in when is DD moving herself?
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 4, 2015 6:28:44 GMT
Let me get this straight. You want your DD to miss the first day of school, over her objections, in order to convenience yourself? I don't think anyone here can accurately answer your actual question, because it's going to depend on the school and the instructor. There's no one correct answer. But, as a PP said, I wouldn't dream of suggesting my child miss the first day of school for anything other than an absolute family emergency. Sorry, but I am flabbergasted that you are more bothered about the expense of putting the dogs in kennels than you are about screwing your daughter's return to college, and you then paint her as the selfish one.
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Post by sacteach on Aug 4, 2015 6:39:47 GMT
I had my own VW Bus by my second year (that I worked for) and had no interest in my mom's help to move me back up to Northern CA. I went to a fairly non-traditional school, and many students were more into rebelling against family and traditional societal institutions than at many universities across the country. (At the time there was no Greek system, no NCAA teams outside of Rugby and Ultimate Frisbee, and no letter grades - all of which contributed to my decision to go there) So you were a banana slug?
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