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Post by lucyg on Aug 4, 2015 7:12:39 GMT
I had my own VW Bus by my second year (that I worked for) and had no interest in my mom's help to move me back up to Northern CA. I went to a fairly non-traditional school, and many students were more into rebelling against family and traditional societal institutions than at many universities across the country. (At the time there was no Greek system, no NCAA teams outside of Rugby and Ultimate Frisbee, and no letter grades - all of which contributed to my decision to go there) So you were a banana slug? LOL, you beat me to it. ETA although my nephew is there now, and he just joined a fraternity.
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Post by bc2ca on Aug 4, 2015 7:31:47 GMT
So you were a banana slug? LOL, you beat me to it. ETA although my nephew is there now, and he just joined a fraternity. LOL - DS is hoping to be a banana slug and we are heading up that way later this week to check it out
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Post by manda on Aug 4, 2015 8:20:47 GMT
Last fall I went to Costa Rica for a week, yet I was enrolled for classes at the local COMMUNITY COLLEGE for some continuing ed classes where the trip overlapped the first week of class. I don't generally find the first week of class that big of a deal since it's review of the syllabus. I would miss the first class and emailed the professor of the class as such several weeks before, and that I had perfect attendance normally (without telling him why I would be missing the first class).
He was very clear that he would drop me if I missed the first class and that if I wanted I could attend the class later and if he felt so inclined, he MIGHT add me back. But I had to prove myself to him by taking a special test first.
That was a community college and not even a university. I have a 4.0 GPA and he did not care at all.
Way to value your son, dogs, and vacation time over your daughter.
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Post by julieinsweden on Aug 4, 2015 8:22:51 GMT
Without reading all the other responses.
Neither kids should be missing their first day. Get you son home a day earlier and board the dogs.
I'd recommend that you be glad that you DD is taking her education seriously. And worried about you DS who is not.
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Post by DinCA on Aug 4, 2015 9:29:03 GMT
I agree with every single poster on this thread who has told you why your kids shouldn't miss the first day of classes and why you shouldn't expect them to miss.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Aug 4, 2015 11:22:37 GMT
Oh dear god .... Don't CALL the school. Your child is an adult! if she says she can't do it. Respect that. You are no longer in charge of her. You have to help establish and respect boundaries. Yeah, I should have been more spacific knowing the nitpickyness of this board. Have the student call but call the damned school. Don't ask a bunch of people on a message board how to figure it out. I agree with that!
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Post by anxiousmom on Aug 4, 2015 11:58:48 GMT
I think the part that confuses me is that I think once a kid goes off to school, they become an adult-separate unto themselves.
That doesn't mean you can't help them with things like moving and setting up, but it does mean that they no longer factor into *your* plans. Include them if it works out? Absolutely, but the expectations of the inclusion changes.
I have a kid in college. If he needs my help I am all over it-he is family, I adore him and would move heaven and earth to help him if he needs me. But unless he is actually living in my house full time, he is no longer a part of the planning and execution of my life. I can't expect him to be, he has his own thing happening and is, presumably, old enough to work out the details on his own.
I kind of look at it as part of the natural progression of a child becoming an adult. They can't become one if we still treat them like a child.
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Post by miranda on Aug 4, 2015 12:09:08 GMT
Can your dd not drop the dogs off at boarding and get to school on time? Would seem like a logical way to do things since you don't want them boarded again for an extended time.
My feeling is the first day is important regardless of what day off in the semester she may take off to be with boyfriend. There's a big difference between a first day and a random day imo.
Also you aren't rushing back with ds, you are sightseeing along the way and expecting her to miss an important day so you can do so - not cool. I'd say choose which is more important to you the sightseeing or the dogs and adjust your schedule.
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kelly8875
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Posts: 4,390
Location: Lost in my supplies...
Oct 26, 2014 17:02:56 GMT
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Post by kelly8875 on Aug 4, 2015 12:39:23 GMT
Did not read all of the posts, didn't expect all of the replies. I knew it was "bad" since there were so many replies so early! I'm just mad because she is being bratty. She will miss class to be with her boyfriend but not to help us out while we are scrambling with our other college student to get him back here 3000 miles away for class. He was on significant time contraints on his internship and could not leave the other coast earlier. It's not to babysit our dogs, she cried when she kissed them goodbye six months ago so she misses them! I just wish she had let me know earlier so I can put another thing on my "to do" list before I leave. Yes, DH and I are both going, flying to the coast and driving back with DS, hitting a couple National Parks with him before he goes off on his own completely. He will be in his last semester on his Masters degree. I just checked the site and it said to let the prof know ahead of time if you are going to miss the first day. She can miss class at random times with her boyfriend if she chooses. I would guess that she does it when he workload is lower, and she knows what the class expectations are. She can't know that if she misses the first day! That's not being bratty. Sounds to me like you're being the Bratty one, expecting her to change her schedule for you. You aren't just driving your DS back, you're taking a road trip vacation. She shouldn't have to help for that. Someone in a masters program should be able to get himself across the country on his own...
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gsquaredmom
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Posts: 4,078
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Aug 4, 2015 13:33:31 GMT
I am starting to wonder if this post is real.
These parents produced two AMAZING kids. Both in school and it sounds like they are doing well. Study abroad. Internship. Masters.
Holy cow!
I cannot believe they really think this way. Pot stirring?
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Post by elaine on Aug 4, 2015 13:39:19 GMT
I had my own VW Bus by my second year (that I worked for) and had no interest in my mom's help to move me back up to Northern CA. I went to a fairly non-traditional school, and many students were more into rebelling against family and traditional societal institutions than at many universities across the country. (At the time there was no Greek system, no NCAA teams outside of Rugby and Ultimate Frisbee, and no letter grades - all of which contributed to my decision to go there) So you were a banana slug? You know it! I fell in love with Uncle Charlie's Summer Camp as soon as I saw it on my CA campus tour. Things have change quite a bit since I went there in the early 80s - there are many more traditional college activities - but the campus is still the most gorgeous, IMO, in the USA. I'd send my kids there in a heartbeat.
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Post by pierkiss on Aug 4, 2015 14:27:09 GMT
I cannot believe you really want your kid to miss the first day of her classes so that you can go on a trip and not have to kennel your dogs. I really can't.
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pudgygroundhog
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Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Aug 4, 2015 14:43:09 GMT
Well, this is certainly a new spin on the old "pulling your kids out of school" debate. And congratulations on adding an entry to this debate that seems to have unanimous pea opinion. That is incredibly rare around here - and that should tell you something if all the peas are saying the same thing.
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Post by monklady123 on Aug 4, 2015 14:43:11 GMT
So you were a banana slug? LOL, you beat me to it. ETA although my nephew is there now, and he just joined a fraternity. Okay, googling "banana slug" now. Although I'm assuming it's something to do with a west coast university? lol
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Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 4, 2015 14:44:10 GMT
I think the part that confuses me is that I think once a kid goes off to school, they become an adult-separate unto themselves. That doesn't mean you can't help them with things like moving and setting up, but it does mean that they no longer factor into *your* plans. Include them if it works out? Absolutely, but the expectations of the inclusion changes. I have a kid in college. If he needs my help I am all over it-he is family, I adore him and would move heaven and earth to help him if he needs me. But unless he is actually living in my house full time, he is no longer a part of the planning and execution of my life. I can't expect him to be, he has his own thing happening and is, presumably, old enough to work out the details on his own. I kind of look at it as part of the natural progression of a child becoming an adult. They can't become one if we still treat them like a child. I agree with every part of this. If your child is a college senior surely she can find a way to get to school. You are not selfish to want to enjoy a drive across country.
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Kerri W
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Posts: 3,768
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Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Aug 4, 2015 14:54:32 GMT
Yeah, I should have been more spacific knowing the nitpickyness of this board. Have the student call but call the damned school. Don't ask a bunch of people on a message board how to figure it out. I agree with that! See, I can't even agree with that. I mean in theory, OK. BUT...the OP is basically bitching that her DD isn't respecting her wishes when ermahgerd she learned from the flipping master! OP isn't respecting her DD knowing what her school expects of her or what she is willing AS AN ADULT to give. *Nobody* needs to call the school. The DD said no. The end. OP, at the risk of being the one pea that puts this over the brink into beating a dead horse category...you're in the wrong. Take care of the dog situation yourself and be happy you raised a child who is responsible.
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Post by Judie in Oz on Aug 4, 2015 14:56:14 GMT
I think you really are playing favourites here, and I'm sure you DD feels it too. Get them both to college on time. Dogs should come last in the pecking order.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 4, 2015 15:08:19 GMT
I think the part that confuses me is that I think once a kid goes off to school, they become an adult-separate unto themselves. That doesn't mean you can't help them with things like moving and setting up, but it does mean that they no longer factor into *your* plans. Include them if it works out? Absolutely, but the expectations of the inclusion changes. I have a kid in college. If he needs my help I am all over it-he is family, I adore him and would move heaven and earth to help him if he needs me. But unless he is actually living in my house full time, he is no longer a part of the planning and execution of my life. I can't expect him to be, he has his own thing happening and is, presumably, old enough to work out the details on his own. I kind of look at it as part of the natural progression of a child becoming an adult. They can't become one if we still treat them like a child. I agree with every part of this. If your child is a college senior surely she can find a way to get to school. You are not selfish to want to enjoy a drive across country. Are you reading the same thread as the rest of us?
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Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 4, 2015 15:21:08 GMT
I agree with every part of this. If your child is a college senior surely she can find a way to get to school. You are not selfish to want to enjoy a drive across country. Are you reading the same thread as the rest of us? Lol. I am, Lucy. I just disagree. I have had some recent experiences with my 20 year-old DS that made me think of things differently.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Aug 4, 2015 15:22:45 GMT
See, I can't even agree with that. I mean in theory, OK. BUT...the OP is basically bitching that her DD isn't respecting her wishes when ermahgerd she learned from the flipping master! OP isn't respecting her DD knowing what her school expects of her or what she is willing AS AN ADULT to give. *Nobody* needs to call the school. The DD said no. The end. OP, at the risk of being the one pea that puts this over the brink into beating a dead horse category...you're in the wrong. Take care of the dog situation yourself and be happy you raised a child who is responsible. Yeah.. I agree with you too... basically.. and I don't think the OP cares what I or anyone else actually thinks... 1. The person in question is a college senior. They are an adult. If she said she can't do it. SHE CAN"T DO IT! ( I don't care who it is the OP asked.. respect that they told you NO!) I agree this should be the end of it. 2. If for some reasonable reason the OP thinks her adult child is lying to her. (because really that is what the OP is saying) Then you could ask her to call her Professor. That is a preposterous idea. The only thing that would make it MORE ridiculous is for the OP to call the Professor herself and find out if her child is lying.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 4, 2015 15:26:52 GMT
Are you reading the same thread as the rest of us? Lol. I am, Lucy. I just disagree. I have had some recent experiences with my 20 year-old DS that made me think of things differently. I asked because the issue wasn't that the DD couldn't get herself to school without wrecking mom's vacation. It was kind of the opposite ... DD actually wants to get herself back to school, but mom is worried it may wreck her vacation. It just seemed as though you were answering a question that wasn't asked.
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Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 4, 2015 15:35:32 GMT
Lol. I am, Lucy. I just disagree. I have had some recent experiences with my 20 year-old DS that made me think of things differently. I asked because the issue wasn't that the DD couldn't get herself to school without wrecking mom's vacation. It was kind of the opposite ... DD actually wants to get herself back to school, but mom is worried it may wreck her vacation. It just seemed as though you were answering a question that wasn't asked. Ohhh...see, I completely misunderstood. I thought the DD was being difficult and wouldn't go unless mom took her. Thanks for the clarification. I am overly blonde at times.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 4, 2015 15:46:03 GMT
I asked because the issue wasn't that the DD couldn't get herself to school without wrecking mom's vacation. It was kind of the opposite ... DD actually wants to get herself back to school, but mom is worried it may wreck her vacation. It just seemed as though you were answering a question that wasn't asked. Ohhh...see, I completely misunderstood. I thought the DD was being difficult and wouldn't go unless mom took her. Thanks for the clarification. I am overly blonde at times. LOL, I think when we are fighting our own kid battles, we see everything through that particular prism.
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cycworker
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Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Aug 4, 2015 15:57:25 GMT
Perhaps your DD will get an unexcused absence on her record. The first day is important as this is when time-lines are given out by teachers, desks are chosen in many classes and the social part of catching up with friends.
I do not understand why your dogs would come before you DD's attendance at HS.
Edited to add: It sounds like you are a bit jealous about her trip to Europe. There are many small countries in Europe. It isn't high school - it's university. my experience here is that if there's a wait list they can drop you, but if you contact the instructor before class it isn't an issue. in post secondary they don't put attendance stuff on your record so that isn't an issue. i see where the OP is coming from... DD is part of a family. When your family needs help, you help - even if it's inconvenient
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Post by maureen on Aug 4, 2015 16:06:01 GMT
Perhaps your DD will get an unexcused absence on her record. The first day is important as this is when time-lines are given out by teachers, desks are chosen in many classes and the social part of catching up with friends.
I do not understand why your dogs would come before you DD's attendance at HS.
Edited to add: It sounds like you are a bit jealous about her trip to Europe. There are many small countries in Europe. It isn't high school - it's university. my experience here is that if there's a wait list they can drop you, but if you contact the instructor before class it isn't an issue. in post secondary they don't put attendance stuff on your record so that isn't an issue. i see where the OP is coming from... DD is part of a family. When your family needs help, you help - even if it's inconvenient Wrong, attendance does count in some universities and family doesn't always come first. This youn woman has every right to put her needs and education before her family. It's absurd to miss school for a dog sitting opportunity.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
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Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Aug 4, 2015 16:09:52 GMT
Perhaps your DD will get an unexcused absence on her record. The first day is important as this is when time-lines are given out by teachers, desks are chosen in many classes and the social part of catching up with friends.
I do not understand why your dogs would come before you DD's attendance at HS.
Edited to add: It sounds like you are a bit jealous about her trip to Europe. There are many small countries in Europe. It isn't high school - it's university. my experience here is that if there's a wait list they can drop you, but if you contact the instructor before class it isn't an issue. in post secondary they don't put attendance stuff on your record so that isn't an issue. i see where the OP is coming from... DD is part of a family. When your family needs help, you help - even if it's inconvenient I understand that it is college. Yes, in college they do put attendance on your record. See some of the posts above mentioning this and also mentioning the importance of the first day of class.
DD is part of the family however, the OP is placing her dogs in a higher priority than the DD & her education and has mentioned that the trip home with the son is part of a vacation.
Animals do not trump people. There is a kennel available.
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Post by abr79 on Aug 4, 2015 16:11:34 GMT
Perhaps your DD will get an unexcused absence on her record. The first day is important as this is when time-lines are given out by teachers, desks are chosen in many classes and the social part of catching up with friends.
I do not understand why your dogs would come before you DD's attendance at HS.
Edited to add: It sounds like you are a bit jealous about her trip to Europe. There are many small countries in Europe. It isn't high school - it's university. my experience here is that if there's a wait list they can drop you, but if you contact the instructor before class it isn't an issue. in post secondary they don't put attendance stuff on your record so that isn't an issue. i see where the OP is coming from... DD is part of a family. When your family needs help, you help - even if it's inconvenient See....I think that's a stigma that causes lots of resentment and other issues. And, oftentimes, it's a double standard and one-sided. I agree that DD is part of a family, but she is also an adult and has responsibilities of her own and the OP seems to take issue with that. She expects DD to be inconvenienced but she and her husband can't be? DD believes it is important to be there for the first day of her classes. She needs help, by way of support and respect, to make sure she's successful in her last year of college and she believes attending the first day of classes is important. Her parents should respect that and possibly be inconvenienced themselves by putting the dogs in a kennel or finding another alternative. This point of view has to be a two-way street but OP wants it to be one way - her way.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Aug 4, 2015 16:18:31 GMT
Did not read all of the posts, didn't expect all of the replies. I knew it was "bad" since there were so many replies so early! I'm just mad because she is being bratty. She will miss class to be with her boyfriend but not to help us out while we are scrambling with our other college student to get him back here 3000 miles away for class. He was on significant time contraints on his internship and could not leave the other coast earlier. It's not to babysit our dogs, she cried when she kissed them goodbye six months ago so she misses them! I just wish she had let me know earlier so I can put another thing on my "to do" list before I leave. Yes, DH and I are both going, flying to the coast and driving back with DS, hitting a couple National Parks with him before he goes off on his own completely. He will be in his last semester on his Masters degree. I just checked the site and it said to let the prof know ahead of time if you are going to miss the first day. Given the additional info I definitely agree with you. She's being a brat. some of your schools are really strict, compared to mine. Where I went, at least in my psychology and sociology classes, you were an adult and if you wanted to basically treat your classes like a directed studies and only show upon the day stuff was due and test days, nobody gave a rat's patootie. No participation marks and nothing in the lectures you couldn't just read on your own. Everything you needed to ace the tests was in the readings.
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gsquaredmom
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Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Aug 4, 2015 16:26:02 GMT
Did not read all of the posts, didn't expect all of the replies. I knew it was "bad" since there were so many replies so early! I'm just mad because she is being bratty. She will miss class to be with her boyfriend but not to help us out while we are scrambling with our other college student to get him back here 3000 miles away for class. He was on significant time contraints on his internship and could not leave the other coast earlier. It's not to babysit our dogs, she cried when she kissed them goodbye six months ago so she misses them! I just wish she had let me know earlier so I can put another thing on my "to do" list before I leave. Yes, DH and I are both going, flying to the coast and driving back with DS, hitting a couple National Parks with him before he goes off on his own completely. He will be in his last semester on his Masters degree. I just checked the site and it said to let the prof know ahead of time if you are going to miss the first day. Given the additional info I definitely agree with you. She's being a brat. some of your schools are really strict, compared to mine. Where I went, at least in my psychology and sociology classes, you were an adult and if you wanted to basically treat your classes like a directed studies and only show upon the day stuff was due and test days, nobody gave a rat's patootie. No participation marks and nothing in the lectures you couldn't just read on your own. Everything you needed to ace the tests was in the readings. How is she being a brat? They can kennel the dogs. They can skip the national parks and get home sooner. The daughter is being responsible in her education. Nothing bratty about it. And she is a senior in college. She knows she cannot miss the first day. Sounds like her program is very different from yours. It's nice sporadic attendance worked out for you, but it may not work for her to miss the first day. She very well could lose a seat in a class she needs to graduate.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Aug 4, 2015 16:26:29 GMT
Here's the thing - it seems clear DD actually IS lying. She's more than happy to skip the first day for her boyfriend, but she's too selfish to help out her parents - the people who have fed and clothed and provided for her for the past 20ish years . So no, I don't have a lot of sympathy for dd.
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