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Post by Merge on Feb 7, 2024 14:21:08 GMT
Since pre-menopause I sweat more under my boobs, bikini line and butt crack. So I tried Lume cream. It smelled awful coming out of the tube. The smell disappears quickly when you put it on tho. It worked great, absolutely no sweat smell at all. BUT about the third day I had a reaction to it that looked like chemical burns everywhere I had put it. Stopped using it and sent back for refund. Took almost two weeks to heal cause I couldn’t keep those areas dry. It was awful. I had a similar experience with Lume. Very uncomfortable. Yes, a daily shower is plan A but if you live in a hot, humid climate and are out moving around, things can get quite stinky before the day is over. Sometimes a second shower would be helpful, but my dry skin doesn’t love that. I’ll be honest and say that I swipe a bit of my regular deodorant in my bikini area. Not on the more delicate parts - just where there are sweat glands. Causes me no problems and does the trick. I also use the same thing under my boobs as necessary.
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Post by Merge on Feb 7, 2024 0:56:57 GMT
I think it can be a very normal part of them preparing to separate from you and establish their own adult identity. I know it is very hard, though. My oldest basically stopped connecting with me around age 16 and just in the past year she's been my kid again (age 22 - so a long time).
Be on the lookout for signs of depression, obviously. Keep the lines of communication open. Keep inviting her to do stuff with you, even though it hurts when she says no. She will come back to you.
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Post by Merge on Feb 6, 2024 22:45:48 GMT
I only eat out or get delivery if I can afford to tip. Otherwise, I make my own food/go get my own stuff. Just my preference. I agree that it's part of our culture. I meant to ask you a while ago, but forgot..... did you tip anywhere while you were here? I always wonder whether restaurants here expect a tip from US tourists, because they know you have a tipping culture there. Every now and then we might tip at a sit down restaurant, but it's not really expected, and if we do it, we just round it up to the nearest 10. I would never ever tip in any other scenario. I think DH put a tip on the ticket our first sit-down meal there, which was in the hotel, but then we googled whether tipping was expected in Australia and didn't do it any more.
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Post by Merge on Feb 6, 2024 22:17:06 GMT
I'm sorry you have COVID. I hope you find a good beginners tutorial, it looks like the Peas have given you some great options. And then can you let me know how you go, because I'd like to take up crocheting one day too. This thread is quite timely, because I came across a reel on Facebook the other day, and I wanted to ask jeremysgirl and our other crafty crocheters here - how experienced would one have to be to make something like this? Particularly the dog with the rings: Crochet AnimalsI'm not expecting to be able to do this in my first week hahaha, but if I start learning now, would I be able to make this by the time my daughter has a baby (which probably won't be for another four years or so)? It looks hard to me! I started last spring, so almost a year ago, and I could probably make the items shown (though there might be a little learning curve and some ripping out/starting over on some of it). If you start with a simple amigurumi kit or tutorial and learn to crochet in the round from the beginning, I think those kinds of things are easier to pick up. I crocheted most of this koala on our flights to/from Australia and NZ last year. I’d only been crocheting for about six months at that time. There are definitely mistakes in there, but not fatal ones. 😂
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Post by Merge on Feb 6, 2024 21:42:30 GMT
I started last year by buying a penguin Woobles kit, which comes with access to online instructions. I thought they were very easy to follow. Then I searched on YouTube for short tutorials for other small animals to make and made a turtle and some other stuff.
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Post by Merge on Feb 6, 2024 20:15:40 GMT
I hope parents that allow their kids to access guns or even give them as gifts will think again after this verdict. So much senseless tragedy. Since kids cannot legally purchase guns, I feel the adult who purchased the gun should always be held responsible when a minor commits a crime with it.
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Post by Merge on Feb 6, 2024 18:13:34 GMT
If I’m doing YOUR job, YOU don’t get a tip. Tip or don't tip, but this attitude is condescending to service people IMO. If you're at a counter service restaurant with a self-service drink machine, you getting your drink is not "doing the employee's job." In that restaurant, that's not part of their job. You don't get to decide what is their job and what is not, the company does. I totally understand why a lot of people don't tip in counter service restaurants, but there's no need to make it sound like they don't deserve it because they're lazy. They're working hard at a crappy job. I agree. I tend to tip people who are doing a job I don’t want to do myself. Just how I roll.
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Post by Merge on Feb 6, 2024 18:10:48 GMT
I only eat out or get delivery if I can afford to tip. Otherwise, I make my own food/go get my own stuff. Just my preference. I agree that it's part of our culture. Tipping waitstaff who are paid a tipped-worker wage is part of our culture. Tipping every single person for everything is not. I tip when I feel it is appropriate and won't be bullied into it otherwise. In the OP, at the point a second person harrassed me, I would not return to that establishment. That’s fine. I feel our culture has changed to include these other forms of tipping. You have a different feeling and that’s ok, too. No one here is trying to bully you.
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Post by Merge on Feb 6, 2024 17:13:53 GMT
So I’m a little taller than you, but also a bit bigger. I feel best in slim boyfriend jeans (straight leg but not too wide) and a slim bootcut. I also still wear skinny jeans with a longer top. My favorite jeans brands are Democracy and J. Crew.
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Post by Merge on Feb 6, 2024 14:04:31 GMT
My mom didn't work outside the home at all until I was almost finished with high school. My younger sister was about 10 at the time so she remembers a much longer period of no mom at home after school.
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Post by Merge on Feb 6, 2024 13:38:43 GMT
I only eat out or get delivery if I can afford to tip. Otherwise, I make my own food/go get my own stuff. Just my preference. I agree that it's part of our culture.
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Post by Merge on Feb 6, 2024 2:20:36 GMT
Donated! Thanks for the opportunity to help.
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Post by Merge on Feb 5, 2024 17:07:42 GMT
I think there are a lot of factors potentially at play here, but overall I think that a lot of people have very high (probably unrealistic) expectations of what life is like for most people. Social media would have you believe that everyone else is living in perfectly curated and updated homes, has perfect appearance and clothing, goes on several vacations a year, can go out to eat or do other activities whenever they want and so on. That just isn't the case for most of us. I know that I struggle with feeling inadequate based on what others are doing (IRL as well as social media) at times, and I think younger people have it even worse because that is all they know. There could also be different definitions of "me time." We tend to be pretty good at wasting time these days. So there could also be a situation where this person thinks they don't have time but in reality they have more than they think. Also, "me time" isn't just about going out or going on vacation. I would be curious to know what everyone's idea of "me time" is. For me, “me” time is something that fills my cup, so to speak. So just decompressing is not me time. It’s what I need to do to even be able get to me time.
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Post by Merge on Feb 5, 2024 13:37:55 GMT
I just want to pop in and say that some people need a lot more decompression time than others after a day at work, and it eats into or takes over what might be "me" time for another person. People who are neurodivergent in one way or another may simply need to sit and stare at the wall or do something very mindless for some amount of time after work before they can even get around to household tasks/exercising/socializing/etc. My oldest calls it dissociating, though it's not exactly that. She needs it and I need it even to function. It's not optional. I'm not sure this younger generation feels any less a sense of purpose than my generation did. They are perhaps more aware that most of us are running on a hamster wheel to make someone else rich, while we will live and die on the wheel. I think anyone who thinks about it would find that frustrating. Yes, that's me. Now granted there were a LOT of years while raising my dd that I didn't get that. And honestly, while it wasn't the only reason, I was MISERABLE for years. Now that my dd is grown (but not yet launched due to physical/mental health reasons) I have a lot more downtime and I'm so much happier. I do work full time, but it's hybrid. Being hybrid and saving 4-6 hours a week of commute and not having a busy social life is really a big thing in my happiness these days. In any case yes, not everyone can work full time and/or parent/volunteer etc and sustain that while being mentally healthy., do the Same, same, same. I am just recently beginning to realize how miserable I was during the years that I was teaching full time and raising my kids. I was not the mother I wanted to be during that time - I had nothing left to give at the end of the day. A social life? Forget about it. I needed the whole weekend just to regroup. DH got frustrated with me because he wanted to go out and see people, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I think what I want to recognize here is that for some people, it's not even a matter of illness or anything to adapt to. When your brain is wired such that, even on a good day in an ideal situation, being "on" and with other people is a huge challenge, the only adaptation you can really make is to make sure you get the necessary down time so you can do it all again the next day. Another adaptation is to do a less than stellar job at your job - pass out those worksheets, put on an educational video, or whatever works in your job - but that only works every so often because you need to keep your job. So you forgo social life and maybe exercise, do the best you can for your kids and house, and move on. It's possible but it's miserable. How many hours is reasonable? I have no idea. I do think retail and restaurants need to go back to set schedules instead of expecting everyone to be available at all times but also OK with having hours cut at any time. No one can live that way. I think we need more corporate jobs where you work when there is work to do, which may be 50 hours this week but only 30 next week. I think if we're going to keep lengthening the teaching and learning day, we need more adults in the building so people can have reasonable breaks for planning and just taking a breath without any duty.
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Post by Merge on Feb 5, 2024 2:04:31 GMT
A one-income household simply with that division of labor isn't possible for most families any more. Let's not forget that the amount of work expected for however-many-hours a person is at their job has also gone through the roof. Stores are chronically understaffed, there's no slack in staffing to keep things running smoothly if someone has to call out. Employees are often required to juggle multiple roles or tasks and be on-call for extra hours whenever needed. Just doing what you're paid for is considered "not being a team player" or even quiet quitting. Agree. Some office and at-home workers today even have tracking devices on their work computers to make sure they’re spending the right amount of time in work related applications. And I could go on at length about how the teaching profession has changed and become much more demanding and stressful in the last few decades. Staffing shortages in the medical field have made those jobs harder as well. And of course we’re all familiar with how in any company, when someone leaves, they don’t necessarily get replaced. Others are just expected to do those jobs in addition to their own. I think we’re at a point where younger workers are realizing that they’re being expected to work much harder than their parents did for even less reward, and they’re not going to be gaslit into believing they’re just lazy or have no purpose. Human beings are not designed to have a on switch at 8 am and an off switch at 5 pm and nothing but work as much as possible in between. Our brains don’t work that way.
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Post by Merge on Feb 5, 2024 0:30:54 GMT
Yes- this - my whole family are introverted and neuro-spicy - the first thing any of us do when we get home is find a quiet space and decompress Are there people in this world who *don't* need that? I have never met a person who doesn't need to decompress. Even Jeremy does and he's about as laid back and easy going as ever I met a person. He still needs to take a mental break when he gets home before he's ready to interact with me or begin a chore. I'm neurodivergent and some days I'm more productive than others. I'm not discounting the need for rest. I'm just saying, at what point do we say a person has enough time to rest? Sometimes I really feel in meaningful ways we aren't doing enough and being sensitive enough to people who truly need us to be yet we are so busy qualifying and making exceptions for the vast majority of people we've gotten to the point where we can't even have an opinion without qualifying that X, Y, and Z are apparently exceptions to the rule. And I get that there's a spectrum, however I believe we are getting to the point where we are starting to put damn near everybody at the differently abled end of the spectrum and it's harming people. Sometimes I feel like the focus of things has been shifted from what you can do to what you can't do. I get that acceptance is a good thing, Lord knows I have been fighting for mental health acceptance for a very long time, but I fight twice as hard for adaptation for me and my kids. In fact, adaptation is my favorite mental health thing to talk about because I enjoy the sharing of tips and tricks to be successful living with neurodivergence. Well, I guess you can look at it as "all these people are lazy and need to work harder" or "all these people need more downtime than our work requirements and hustle culture generally allow." The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. But I feel the former narrative is largely being pushed by the people who stand to profit most from folks working themselves to death and, as with most things, there is a subset of the working folks who choose to ally themselves with the power base by agreeing with them.
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Post by Merge on Feb 5, 2024 0:06:16 GMT
I just want to pop in and say that some people need a lot more decompression time than others after a day at work, and it eats into or takes over what might be "me" time for another person. People who are neurodivergent in one way or another may simply need to sit and stare at the wall or do something very mindless for some amount of time after work before they can even get around to household tasks/exercising/socializing/etc. My oldest calls it dissociating, though it's not exactly that. She needs it and I need it even to function. It's not optional. Yes- this - my whole family are introverted and neuro-spicy - the first thing any of us do when we get home is find a quiet space and decompress Yes. And before anyone says oh, older generations didn't need all that time and space ... they did. The possibility of a stay at home spouse allowed for it. My dad needed quiet and two beers after work before he would deal with any of us. That was possible because mom was home all day and already had dinner and kids under control. Mom got her alone time - though I think she needed it less - when we were at school or, before that, during nap time or play time. A one-income household simply with that division of labor isn't possible for most families any more.
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Post by Merge on Feb 4, 2024 19:54:48 GMT
I just want to pop in and say that some people need a lot more decompression time than others after a day at work, and it eats into or takes over what might be "me" time for another person. People who are neurodivergent in one way or another may simply need to sit and stare at the wall or do something very mindless for some amount of time after work before they can even get around to household tasks/exercising/socializing/etc. My oldest calls it dissociating, though it's not exactly that. She needs it and I need it even to function. It's not optional.
I'm not sure this younger generation feels any less a sense of purpose than my generation did. They are perhaps more aware that most of us are running on a hamster wheel to make someone else rich, while we will live and die on the wheel. I think anyone who thinks about it would find that frustrating.
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Post by Merge on Feb 4, 2024 14:45:55 GMT
My husband will not eat tofu in any way, shape, or form, so I sub other proteins like chickpeas or lentils in some recipes to reduce meat intake. Also remember that whole grains and veggies have protein in them (in addition to fiber and lots of other nutrients) and there doesn't need to be what we think of as "a protein" to make a filling meal. Nuts and seeds can provide a protein boost on a veggie-based meal as well, in addition to crunch and flavor.
As you've discovered, tofu requires a lot of preparation to make it palatable to most people, so being aware of quicker options is always a good idea.
(Sorry, I know this is not exactly what you asked - just throwing it out there. Reducing the consumption of animal products is an important topic to me.)
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Post by Merge on Feb 4, 2024 14:35:25 GMT
Costume jewelry also tends to darken and look dingy over time IMO, so no, I would't keep that for the next time it's trendy.
I'll also be 70 or nearly so by the time any current trends come back around. Bodies change over decades even without weight gain/loss. So keeping clothes would likely be pointless.
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Post by Merge on Feb 3, 2024 14:09:28 GMT
DH actually likes to be involved in furniture and wall decor choices. He is the reason we have so many framed concert posters around the house. He's also been involved in purchasing artwork from various places we've traveled. But he's not particularly interested in soft goods - drapes, pillows, etc. That's all me.
So I know he at least doesn't hate the furniture or the stuff on the walls. I don't think he could care less about the rest of it.
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Post by Merge on Feb 2, 2024 1:28:23 GMT
I agree with this but and here's where it gets dicey and goes back to what I said, what are they *doing* to change things? I get Gen Z turned up in 2020 to vote but still not nearly enough of them. This is why I addressed this idea of not taking the bill by the horns and turning things around for yourself in your own circle even. Twitter is a constant minefield of offense on the basis of being hindered by difference. This is a very real phenomenon. I've been called out enough times for my words and "attitude" enough to know that there is a very real contingent of people who are blaming everything on everyone else and disability, race, sex. It's gotten to the point where we've lost touch with what is an honest offense. I think that there's an inability to distinguish between a real offense and a small slight and that makes you feel like you have no control over your environment. This is exactly the fear on the left that he is addressing. The young women I know (I have four daughters and they have a lot of friends) are really politically active. My oldest is active in her local Democratic Socialist party committee (yes, my political beliefs are just right of Attila the Hun according to her) and works for a non-profit that deals with food insecurity. I could go on and on about what they are doing. Now in your third paragraph I don't disagree with you. I feel like there's no chance for redemption for many people. My kids have a tendency to paint the "guilty" with a wide brush and carry a grudge with no chance for growth or forgiveness. If someone has a different opinion, they are completely written off and God forbid if you misspeak. We've had lots of talks about ivory towers and echo chambers and what I've found interesting is that my older two (31 and 29) are becoming much more open-minded as they age. My younger two, 25 and 21, still have a very "black/white" view of the world - I think it takes some maturity to respect and acknowledge the grey. I would agree with all of that, especially with my girls who are close in age to your younger two. Very black and white thinking and a lot of anger about the world we're leaving them. But they also feel, from their perspective here in Texas, pretty powerless to actually change anything. Whether that's ultimately true or not, it's their reality. They feel very abandoned by the national Democratic party, so even voting for Democrats in Texas doesn't feel very helpful to them. I'm encouraging them to think very locally - school board election, mayor, county government. We can't control Texas but our county and its almost 5 million people is very much on what we believe to be the right side of things. My oldest has done good work for the mutual aid society in the east end of the city where she lives. That feels more useful to her than political activism just now. And apropos of nothing here, really - I'm so proud of a former co-worker and current friend who is running for mayor of the little village just outside of Houston that she lives in, while also being a full time pre-k teacher and team lead.. She's a millennial with three young daughters and is setting such an amazing example for them.
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Post by Merge on Feb 1, 2024 21:17:22 GMT
I'm left wondering how the things the right is afraid of - "indoctrination" in public schools, public schools in general, gay people, trans people, the supposed horde of rapists and murderers at our border - is an apples to apples comparison with the things the left is afraid of - the loss of women's autonomy and LGBTQ rights, the loss of protection for historically oppressed classes, unchecked climate change, increasing poverty and lack of healthcare, religion-based oppression, voter suppression, and the destruction of public schools. To me, one set of fears is totally made up and the other is real and happening in front of us every day.
I'm happy to be proven wrong and shown that none of the things I fear are happening in this country. But I live in Texas, so you're going to have to work pretty hard to convince me.
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Post by Merge on Feb 1, 2024 19:15:48 GMT
Some even claim that women can’t get pregnant from a rape. Students for Life president Kristan Hawkins, for example—who has been celebrated as the future of the anti-abortion movement—says that “sexual assault actually helps prevent a lot of pregnancies itself because of your body’s natural response.” That’s not how a female body works biologically. If it was we wouldn’t need birth control. Tell me you know nothing about female biology without telling me you know nothing. AND the worst part is they keep the knowledge of how female biology works from their female children keeping them in the dark about how pregnancy actually occurs. Setting them up for failure. That allows them to claim that no one gets pregnant from rape so no one needs an abortion for that reason. The right meets any claim of rape or SA with extreme skepticism - women are assumed to be lying or to have been “asking for it.” If they get pregnant due to rape, well then it wasn’t really rape and she’s lying. 🙄😡
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Post by Merge on Feb 1, 2024 17:47:42 GMT
I have a goldendoodle. An expensive mutt. Several years ago way before I got her, I was at the vet with my border collie and the vet started a rant about doodles and the fact that they’re over priced mutts. I didn’t know anything about them at the time. Her main gripe about them was the price breeders were getting for them. Fast forward, my border collie died at the age of 14, she had been a wonderful dog and I missed her terribly. We were no longer living on our farm and had moved into town, not a great place to raise a border collie puppy, they need a lot of room to run. A friend had gotten a doodle and I fell in love. After a period of time I got a goldendoodle puppy and she is the love of my life Call her anything you want, I still love her to death. My love is not wrapped up in her heritage, yes, I did pay more for than than a full blooded border collie, but she is worth every penny, with the love she brings into our home. If I was ever going to buy a dog it would be a goldendoodle. Every one I’ve met has been an absolute sweetheart.
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Post by Merge on Feb 1, 2024 16:09:10 GMT
So, you are already paying extra for Prime, and now they are charging you to be ad-free?? That really sucks! I always just think of the Prime Video, Prime Reading, Amazon Music, etc. as extra perks and that the subscription is for getting free Prime shipping. We order enough through Prime annually to make the subscription worth it just for that. I agree with this. I'd probably feel differently if I lived in a rural area and couldn't really get the fast shipping, but we can frequently get same-day or next-day here. It's worth it to me. We don't really even watch Prime TV that much, so I won't notice if they do have ads!
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Post by Merge on Feb 1, 2024 0:02:44 GMT
This isn't very long, but I put this as the first page of a friend's daughter's graduation book. It is from the song Wonder by 10.000 Maniacs. I stacked them like this: With love, with patience, and with faith, she'll make her way. I liked how it looked and what it said. Oh that was one of my favorite songs back when.
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Post by Merge on Jan 31, 2024 23:32:28 GMT
The chorus of "All Your Favorite Bands" by Dawes might fit the bill. genius.com/Dawes-all-your-favorite-bands-lyricsETA: especially the last bit I hope the world sees the same person That you’ve always been to me And may all your favorite bands stay together
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Post by Merge on Jan 31, 2024 22:27:20 GMT
I gave an off-the-cuff eulogy at my mom's wake. I have no idea what I even said. It hadn't occurred to us that one of us would need to say something. I'm the oldest, so I did it.
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Post by Merge on Jan 31, 2024 21:40:10 GMT
Yeah, who does that when birth control is much more readily available today than it was back when? Isn’t there a version of the pill that’s basically OTC now, and others are 100% covered by insurance. Back when I was in my 20’s-30’s, I was paying $25-30 a month for mine and that was WITH insurance! I think I read in one of those reports that over 25K of those pregnancies were the result of rape in Texas alone, so way to go, Gov. Abbott! You’re doing a bang up job of eliminating rape. Birth control is more accessible but there are still accessibility issues. I’m paying $25 a month for my daughters that’s used to control her POTS symptoms not even for birth control. Yeah, back in the day we could get our birth control from PP on a sliding scale based on income, making it reasonable even when I was a broke grad student. But now Rs have shut down clinics like that in many states.
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