Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 25, 2022 0:47:09 GMT
After I had chemo and my hair grew in a light silver grey I decided I liked it and kept it as is. I now find people being nicer to me. One mom outside of Walmart instructed her children to hold the door for me. It was sweet but sobering to realize it was because I'm old.I'm 67 and feel 57. I'm grateful to have my health and that I am active. Yes, I kept my hair "natural" after chemo and it's astonishingly white and gray. I colored it for almost 20 years, so I had no idea how gray it had really gotten. It feels like an enormous change in the way I view myself and possibly the way others view me. Cashiers keep giving me the senior discount when I'm "only" 51! I like not having to spend the time and money on coloring my hair, but I really feel like the moment it started growing back from chemo was the moment I moved into being older. I may go back to blonde some day!
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 24, 2022 2:04:45 GMT
I support two different podcasts via Patreon at $5/month each. And I support a third podcast through their hosting site for $7/month. I get a lot of listening time plus bonus content that makes me feel it's worth supporting them.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 16, 2022 13:52:52 GMT
I am about to abandon Booth by Karen Joy Fowler. I don't know why, but I'm just slogging through it. It took me quite a while to get into it. I got maybe 25% through it, left it sit for a few weeks, and then just devoured the rest and ended up really liking it. But it does move slowly.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 16, 2022 13:48:52 GMT
I read French Braid by Anne Tyler. I haven't read anything of hers in a number of years. Although she wrote one of my very favorite novels (The Accidental Tourist) some of her other books have left me cold. Fortunately, I really loved this one. It tells the story of four generations of a Baltimore family (all of Anne Tyler's fictional families are from Baltimore) from different points in time: 2010, 1959, 1970, 1982, 1990, 1997, 2014, 2020. Each stop along the way is seen through the eyes of a different family member. It really explores the complex relationships in a family and the seemingly small events that can have a big impact on the future. I really was touched by it.
I also read Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus. This one's hard to sum up-- it's about a young woman trying to be taken seriously as a scientist in the 1950s, the male scientist she falls for, their young daughter...from the cover, it looks light-hearted, but it's really about difficult topics like grief, depression, loss, and the oppression of women, with humorous scenes here and there. I enjoyed it but didn't love it. There was a brief but violent rape scene in the middle of the third chapter that was very startling after the more humorous tone of the first couple chapters, and that left me feeling on edge for what the author might throw at me later on. I'd still recommend it, just be aware that it's not a romcom or chicklit.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 11, 2022 1:56:57 GMT
I just want to offer you a hug and I hope you'll be able to find the right therapist to talk to. You deserve to have your story heard and your feelings validated. The Peas have your back!
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 9, 2022 17:00:23 GMT
The board is being squirrely!! I'll try again. I read The Peacekeeper by B.L. Blanchard, which was one of the Amazon First Reads for May. It's set in the modern day, but in an alternate timeline where European colonization of the Americas never happened. So the whole civilization of North America is a Native one. The protagonist is a Peacekeeper, a police officer, who tends to his younger sister who was traumatized after the murder of their mother at the hands of their father. Twenty years after this event, a close family friend is murdered, and as Chibesani, the Peacekeeper, investigates, he discovers connections to his mother's death.
I loved the world the author imagined for this book, a world where Native societies flourish by their own belief systems. This book was centered on the central Great Lakes Native Americans and their worldview. I was lukewarm about the character of the protagonist and I figured out the murderer retty quickly, and that never happens for me. I'm easy to confuse! But even so, I thought the imagining of this Native American world that could have been was really wonderful. So if she writes another book and makes this a series, I'll probably read it.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 9, 2022 15:20:14 GMT
I hope The Great Carpezio was celebrating a wonderful Mother's Day yesterday! I'll get us started--what did you read, what are you reading this week?
I read The Peacekeeper
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 7, 2022 23:27:35 GMT
I'm so, so sorry.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 5, 2022 3:36:44 GMT
I didn't watch the show because I can't handle sad stuff 😊 but I just wanted to say I hear you. I'm so sorry your marriage is ending; it sounds very painful from the few things you've said. I hope you'll be able to talk about it more and get more support soon.
I don't have kids but I am a kid, I'd do anything in my power for my mom. I'm sure your kids feel the same way about you. But I know that's not the same as having a spouse to walk through the upcoming years with you. I'm really sorry you're having such a painful time.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 5, 2022 3:28:45 GMT
i'm sorry you are going through this. sickness affects relationships beyond just the marriage. there are feelings of helplessness, guilt, stress, exhaustion. when i would hear people say "sick of being sick", i never understood until my mom got terminally ill. it was such a long and painful journey that was only going to end one way. it controlled her, she didn't control it. there came a time when she just got sick of being sick. it made her agitated, irritable, and we felt so helpless and scared to see her that way. it affected all relationships. i wish your parents peace and comfort through their journey. i wish the same for you. This was just how it was for my dad; he'd often say he was "sick of being sick." He was diagnosed with brain cancer and died almost six years later, and it was terribly hard for him and for all of us, especially because he was angry a lot. I wish I had comforting words putabuttononit ...these times are sad and scary. Seeing our parents struggle and suffer is terrible because we love them, but it's also a possible preview for ourselves. It's a LOT to process. Please do whatever you can to take care of yourself, too.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 5, 2022 3:14:57 GMT
Not surprised in the slightest. I have a colleague now who is 29, married and certain she does not want to have children. She can't find a doctor who will do a tubal ligation at her age. As if a woman can't know what they want. And this is in Oregon. I have no idea if this would be helpful to her but on Reddit r/childfree they have a list of doctors around the country who will perform female sterilization with no hassle. I have a hunch that list may be getting a lot of looks in the coming months. Edit-- somebody beat me to it! Good job!!
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 3, 2022 0:33:02 GMT
Thank you for the links dewryce ! I usually can't find anything I want but this time I had to decide among three that sounded good! I went with The Peacekeeper.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 3, 2022 0:09:44 GMT
I read Booth by Karen Joy Fowler, which I think was recommended here. This is a novel about the family of John Wilkes Booth, told from the points of view of his siblings. The Lincoln assassination doesn't take place till near the end of the book--most of the story is about the trauma and dysfunction and also the genuine love of the family from the 1830s to the 1860s. It was a fantastic book, lots to think about as far as sibling relationships, loss of children, alcoholism, mental illness, and the lead up to the Civil War. I really recommend this one, especially if you like historical fiction.
I also read Scrublands by Chris Hammer, another Pea recommendation. I didn't like this one as much as I hoped. It's a mystery--a reporter comes to a small dying town in Australia to do a story on the one-year anniversary of a mass shooting where a priest shot five men outside his church on a Sunday morning. The reporter, of course, begins to uncover some of the hidden reasons for this tragic event. I felt the story moved too slowly, and I didn't care much for the main character. The atmosphere was good, though, you could almost feel the heat and drought and isolation of the town.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 1, 2022 3:27:42 GMT
They're spendy, but J Jill has petite tops and sweaters. Their sizes run large...I'm usually an XL or XXL in other brands but in J Jill I wear a large. I really love their tees and light cardigans, they're very soft and wear really well. They have some very comfy petite pants, too. Again I wear a large but am usually XL/18 in other brands of pants.
I try to catch sales or buy used on Ebay.
You said shirts are your main problem, but I thought I'd mention Land's End for pants. Pants are the bane of my existence. Their Starfish line is comfy.
I've bought button-down shirts at Talbots that are petite-plus. It's so nice to have a button-down where the sleeve actually ends at my wrist! I'm not crazy about their tees but sometimes they have very nice petite-plus things.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 28, 2022 15:17:35 GMT
I'm sorry. It's so hard for her and everyone who loves her. I really hope she'll get the proper help and meds now. Sometimes it takes multiple tries, which is hard and frustrating. Hugs to you, this must be so worrying.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 28, 2022 3:06:18 GMT
I have all my appendages crossed for you that all the reports come back clean! It's fantastic that you are facing your fears and having your health attended to and checked up. I just want to say, and this will probably sound dumb...but cancer can be manageable. It can be survivable. Treatment can be tough, but you walk through it. I don't mean to downplay your fear AT ALL, because I was always terrified of having cancer, and then one day I had what I thought would be a routine mammogram and I had to accept that it had happened to me. And I got through it. I'm not sure I'd even call it the worst thing that's happened in my life, even though it coincided with the start of the pandemic and was awful. I'm just trying to say, from one anxious person to another, you can get through awful and scary health things, or learn to live with them in a new way, and life goes on and is even good. But hopefully you're all in the clear, and I hope you heal quickly and well from your surgery!!! I think Cancer research has come so far, but unfortunately my father had 9 brothers and sisters. Everyone of them died from cancer. I am terrified due to watching that happen. My mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer at 80. She came out of it with flying colors. No need for chemo, just radiation. I wish that erased all of what I saw my dad go through, but it didn’t. Still……it was nice to see a positive outcome. Thank you for your message. I really do listen to everyone’s experience/opinions. I'm sorry. I really do understand--my dad's family had a lot of cancer deaths and he died of lymphoma after a long and terrible battle. It is an awful thing. You never know how it will turn out. Big hugs to you, and thanks for understanding what I was trying to say.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 27, 2022 18:17:06 GMT
I have all my appendages crossed for you that all the reports come back clean! It's fantastic that you are facing your fears and having your health attended to and checked up.
I just want to say, and this will probably sound dumb...but cancer can be manageable. It can be survivable. Treatment can be tough, but you walk through it. I don't mean to downplay your fear AT ALL, because I was always terrified of having cancer, and then one day I had what I thought would be a routine mammogram and I had to accept that it had happened to me. And I got through it. I'm not sure I'd even call it the worst thing that's happened in my life, even though it coincided with the start of the pandemic and was awful. I'm just trying to say, from one anxious person to another, you can get through awful and scary health things, or learn to live with them in a new way, and life goes on and is even good.
But hopefully you're all in the clear, and I hope you heal quickly and well from your surgery!!!
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 27, 2022 7:10:58 GMT
My dh started reading War and Peace (Signet Classics translation) I am tempted to read it as well but I am not sure I want to commit. Please advise. mimima might have some advice on this.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 25, 2022 4:35:59 GMT
I finished one book, Hearts of Sand by Jane Haddam. This is a mystery in her series about retired FBI agent Gregor Demarkian. I started reading that series in 1994 and then lost track about 2/3 through the series. I was thinking about it the other day, and saw that Jane Haddam had died in 2019 and her sons helped get her 30th and final book in the series finished and published in 2020. I decided to catch up on the ones I haven't read.
All that said, I didn't especially enjoy this one. It moved super slowly and the murderer seemed obvious even to my oblivious self. I really like and recommend the early books in the series, say the first 12 or 14, but she changed the style and focus slightly in the later books. She liked to explore religion and politics in her plots, which was usually really interesting. Anyway, her first several books are very cheap on Kindle. The first is Not a Creature Was Stirring. The books all take place around American holidays, although that element is less prominent in the later books.
I'll probably read the rest of the ones I haven't read yet and then enjoy the final book that wraps up all the characters' stories.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 24, 2022 18:08:12 GMT
Oh, I am so sorry! How awful. I hope you'll be able to recover from everything as soon as possible.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 24, 2022 0:46:27 GMT
I'm not a parent, but I've had chronic depression for more than 30 years, and sometimes it's been crippling and sometimes I've had suicidal ideation.
I know it can be terribly hard to be someone who loves someone with mental illness. And it's harder when you deal with your own mental illness. I certainly can't speak for Esther, but I never ever want my husband or my mother or my siblings to feel overwhelmed by the struggles that are mine to handle. I think that in her right mind, Esther would not want you to feel overwhelmed either.
I know that you were overwhelmed in the last months of Esther's life. I don't think that's something to feel guilty about. You were trying to set some boundaries with both of your kids to keep their issues from overwhelming you. I don't think that's something to feel guilty about, either.
You did everything you could to help her and get her proper medical care, I'm sure of that, just as you would have for any illness. What took Esther's life was an illness, and you did your very best for her while trying to protect your own health. That's admirable, to me. I know moms want to solve everything for their beloved kids, but sometimes it's just not possible. That is not your fault.
I'm so, so sorry for what you're going through. A dear friend of mine lost her wonderful son to suicide seven years ago, and I truly think it's the worst loss a person can experience. I used to pray that I would not accidentally say the wrong thing to her, and I hope I haven't said the wrong thing to you. You have all my sympathy as you walk through this awful time. Please give yourself a lot of grace and a lot of compassion, my friend.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 24, 2022 0:19:52 GMT
I have some triggers from school days, too. I was good at playing the game and getting good grades, but I struggled socially. I've wondered more and more in the past few years if I might be neurodivergent in some way. I never seemed to be able to fit in and speak the same language as other kids, even in college. I had a few friends but it was lonely. I'm sorry you're feeling some of those emotions again. Overall, I feel like I've accepted myself and can love myself, but sometimes I have periods of self-loathing, and it can be hard to keep sad memories at bay in those moments. I'm wishing you peaceful thoughts. Thank you. Have you seen the movie: Divergent? There’s a part that says “you don’t conform, your mind works in a million different ways” That felt right at home to me. I haven't seen it, but that quote certainly speaks to me. Thanks, I'll check out the movie.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 20, 2022 15:30:54 GMT
That's very sad. Thank you for sharing about this.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 20, 2022 15:29:05 GMT
I pray for peace and comfort for you and your family today. Much love to you all.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 18, 2022 15:29:17 GMT
I have similar problems with being unable to fall asleep and it being much worse when I have an unusually early wake-up time scheduled. I don't take any meds usually because I'm afraid they'll make it too hard to wake up when I need to. Sleeping on the couch is sometimes helpful. I take a small quilt and wrap it tightly around myself like a cocoon. I don't know why that helps. Weighted blankets are too hot but a lightweight cocoon works often. I also have a favorite podcast where the hosts have pleasant voices and the episodes are long, so I often turn on an episode very low, just barely loud enough to hear what they're saying, and the hum of their voices often lulls me to sleep. And sometimes I do a few yoga stretches and a little deep breathing before I wrap up in my cocoon. These things have helped me more than anything else, after years and years of anxiety insomnia. When I get up at 3 am and read, I do better wrapped in a quilt on the couch, too! I'm glad I'm not the only one. I think part of it is it is colder in the LR than the BR, so I sleep better. Yes, the temperature definitely has something to do with it, since I'm in menopause and hot all the time. In the living room, I can crack a window by the couch and turn a fan right on myself!
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 18, 2022 15:19:09 GMT
I re-read a mystery by Jane Harper called Force of Nature. I really like her books and I guess I needed something good but effortless to read. I can never remember the murderers, so re-reading mysteries isn't a problem. 😄 All her books take place in Australia, and this one's about a woman who goes missing on a corporate group hike in the bush. Quite atmospheric.
I read another mystery called The Maid by Nita Prose, which came up in my Kindle recommendations. This was the author's first book, about a young woman who works as a maid in a luxury hotel and discovers a dead body in the penthouse suite. She's neurodivergent in some way (the book doesn't specify but it seems like high-functioning autism) and because of some of her oddities, the police start to look at her as a suspect. She has to figure out what happened, and also learn some unpleasant truths about people she trusts and the world she works in. It was a pretty good story. I was rooting for Molly the maid, and hoping all would turn out well. I'd call it a light cozy-ish mystery.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 17, 2022 5:28:35 GMT
I have similar problems with being unable to fall asleep and it being much worse when I have an unusually early wake-up time scheduled.
I don't take any meds usually because I'm afraid they'll make it too hard to wake up when I need to.
Sleeping on the couch is sometimes helpful. I take a small quilt and wrap it tightly around myself like a cocoon. I don't know why that helps. Weighted blankets are too hot but a lightweight cocoon works often. I also have a favorite podcast where the hosts have pleasant voices and the episodes are long, so I often turn on an episode very low, just barely loud enough to hear what they're saying, and the hum of their voices often lulls me to sleep. And sometimes I do a few yoga stretches and a little deep breathing before I wrap up in my cocoon. These things have helped me more than anything else, after years and years of anxiety insomnia.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 17, 2022 5:16:12 GMT
I have some triggers from school days, too. I was good at playing the game and getting good grades, but I struggled socially. I've wondered more and more in the past few years if I might be neurodivergent in some way. I never seemed to be able to fit in and speak the same language as other kids, even in college. I had a few friends but it was lonely.
I'm sorry you're feeling some of those emotions again. Overall, I feel like I've accepted myself and can love myself, but sometimes I have periods of self-loathing, and it can be hard to keep sad memories at bay in those moments. I'm wishing you peaceful thoughts.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 17, 2022 5:02:34 GMT
My reply will be short because I am NOT a gardener, but 10-20 years ago I enjoyed growing herbs and decided to try that again this year. I found a bunch of gorgeous plants at a farm stand when I was visiting my mom in Ohio, and brought them home to Virginia. I've put some into pots and the rest need to go into my front flowerbed...I really need to get that done in the next couple of days. I've got peppermint, spearmint, sage, pineapple sage, lemon thyme, two different lavenders, chives, rosemary, dill and basil.
The remainder of my front flowerbed is currently sporting some random perennials that were in a wildflower seed mix I put down last year. I bought some more seeds and plan to plant those soon, too. I want the bed to be welcoming to birds, bees and butterflies. It's all a scattered mess but hopefully I can have a lot of blooms for them this summer. Right now red clover is blooming like crazy and I'm going to add alyssum, salvia, daisies, etc. And the herbs should attract them, too.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Apr 15, 2022 18:58:48 GMT
Oh my goodness. Oh, I am so, so very sorry.
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